Day trips with baby

[BeepBoopBeepBoop]

I am the first of any of my friends to have a baby although DH has a few friends with older children (preschool age). Both friends & family made the initial first trip to our home to visit DC although since around 5 months have suggested we come to them. For the main area we'd have to travel to, this entails a 15-20 minute walk to the train station, an hour train journey followed by a 30 minute tube journey. My friends have suggested a few times I could come for a girly day out and bring DC which means I would have to do the train/tube journey alone with DC, buggy & a day's worth of supplies. Another friend has recently moved away & has asked me to come alone to visit with DC (DH is working) & this means either an hour car journey (although with traffic can be much more) or 90 minute train journey with 2 changes. Again this would be for a day trip with no option to stay overnight. Friend thinks it is reasonable not to drive as can't tend to baby for feeds etc but train is doable.


Would you take a baby on this length of journey for a day out alone using public transport? How far would you travel alone in a car for a meet up with a friend with a baby? We don't have anywhere to stay at the other end so it isn't an option to stay overnight. I've missed a few meet ups because I'm worried about the journey. (Meet ups are frequently when DH is working or has other plans so if I go, there is usually no option not to bring DC). I don't want to be that person who insists people travel to me if I'm being unreasonable and should be able to do this journey. I frequently travel up to 30 minutes in the car to meet up with new mum friends I've made & usually have to stop halfway to feed DC who always seems to want milk during car journeys even if prior feeds are timed so one isn't due.

DH has said he feels this journey is too long for DC to do twice in a day even if we both were available to come. I feel it would probably be ok if both DH & I travelled together but not alone. We do travel 90 minutes in the car to visit family when there is an option to stay overnight- it is the public transport & doing the journey twice in one day which is the issue.

Are we being unreasonable? I don't want to be that person who misses meet ups or insists people travel to us if I should be able to do this journey alone.

[Dilligaf81]

I'd do it. Being sat on the train is much easier than driving especially for feeds etc. It all depends what you feel about it, dc will be fine as long as you are.
Do what you think is best if you're not comfortable then just tell your friends, as parents they should understand.

[whataconundrum]

I do these journeys quite a lot and time for napping in the car but on train will be easier for feeds/ changing

[Snowydaysarehere]

Having a baby doesn't mean you need to kerb seeing your friends!! Travel!!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

When our son was a small baby he had to work in Richmond for a year (we live in South Yorkshire), we alternated weekends so one weekend he would come him and another weekend me & DS would go and visit him. Me and DS would get on the train from Doncaster to kings cross, the tube to Vauxhall and then the train to Richmond with our bags and pushchair. I'll be honest - I would much rather do it with a small baby than a toddler or 4/5 year old. It wasn't a problem and DS was happy with no issues. We did that from him being about 6 months old til he was about 18 months old.

Whether it's too far is entirely up to you though, it's you doing the travelling but IME it's fine

[user1471459936]

Sling and a rucksack and you are good to go!

[BeepBoopBeepBoop]

@user1471459936 I unfortunately can't use a sling so it has to be a buggy I'm afraid. A sling would have made things a lot easier!

[TheHungryDonkey]

I was travelling around a good few hundred miles on coaches and trains with mine from newborn. You can get everything you need for a baby in a small backpack and then use a baby carrier and a fold up buggy for transport.

[DuggeeHugs]

The longest day trip I've done with a baby is 2.5 hours in the car each way. In public transport it was a 70 minute train journey each way and numerous tube journeys as we went for a wander around London. A sling, a backpack with the essentials and an idea of child-suitable stopping places means you're good to go.

[PotteringAlong]

I can’t get past the fact you stop in the middle of a 30 minute car journey to feed your baby!

An hour is not long, really it isn’t.

[soberexpat]

You will always get people on MN who climbed mount Kilimanjaro with a small newborn with the greatest of ease.

I had a tiny baby who never napped, could stay awake for 10 hours straight and who fed every hour or two hours for the first 9 months. She was also capable of screaming blue murder for over an hour despite nothing medically wrong with her and all her Needs attended to.

I will never forget the Taxi ride where she screamed solidly for 35 minutes. I was dripping in sweat and anxiety and to this day my parents joke that the Taxi Driver went straight for a vasectomy after dropping us off.

A journey like the one you are describing holds zero appeal. Don't do it if you don't want to. All babies are different.

[Redfin]

When my friends had babies I always travelled to see them . I really think the onus should be on the person who is Child-free to travel.
Now I have a baby and some friends call over but others now have a few kids so it's still easier on me to travel .

The journey you describe sounds like a pita though.

And I totally get what you mean about stopping halfway to feed. I had to pull in 6 mins from home yesterday to comfort and feed the baby as he was SCREAMING in the back and he never usually cries. But if my DH drives and I'm in the back it's usually ok.

I think OP you could invite your friends to visit you but if they say no you'll have to decide how much you want to see them . Try the journey once, it might not be as bad as you think. And as baby gets older you'll be able to travel further

[BertrandRussell]

If you and the baby are both in good health then all those journeys look perfectly OK.

[thecatsthecats]

My parents interrailed around Europe with four children including two of us as babies/toddlers. When I was about a week old, they took me to London from the North West. My sister carted her twins all over the place from birth. My friends happily bring their babies to girls night.

In the nicest possible way, give your head a wobble. Unless you have significant extra challenges, then occasionally reciprocating invites and showing your friends you value them still is only fair.

[BertrandRussell]

But if you don’t want to go, don’t.

Incidentally, it is nothing to do with your dh

[MotherofKitties]

If you don't want to do it, don't. It sounds like you're getting yourself stressed about it and it won't do you or baby any good if you're stressing out about what should be a fun time. Why don't you take your little one out locally instead and invite your friends over, or pre-plan a visit with your DH to make things easier? Hope it works out either way xx

[MiddleClassProblem]

BertrandRussell

But if you don’t want to go, don’t

^ This

It doesn’t matter if someone traveled the world on a llama 3 days after giving birth, it’s what you can cope with.

[PonderLand]

The most I did at that age was 45 min journeys. One bus or one train max. But then my ds cried a lot and it made me a bit anxious about going too far from home. If my DP was with me or a friend then I'd feel more confident with travelling.
Do you have any friends close by who could go along with you for the day?

[Blackteadrinker77]

Maybe you could try meeting half way at first?

Build up from the 30 minutes to 40 minutes etc.

We're lucky as DGD 10 weeks loves the car. Goes straight to sleep.

[Spartaca]

That's really not a long way. And when you say supplies, a few nappies and a change of clothes isn't really a big deal.

Do you want to go? If you want to see them, then start making steps to overcome this anxiety regarding the journey.

If actually you don't want to go, then perhaps the journey is an excuse. But your friends aren't unreasonable to be suggesting it.

[Chienrouge]

It’s so much easier with a newborn than with a mobile baby or a toddler.

[Tobebythesea]

it depends on your child and your confidence. I personally wouldn’t with my DD for a lot of different reasons (eg never naps now in buggy but still needs a nap around midday) but I will when she’s a bit older.

[RadioGaGoo]

My DS hates travelling by car. Its a nighmare, so when by myself, I only do very short necessary journeys.

Happy to take public transport though.

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

I wouldn’t as I’m rubbish at public transport so although I’d do it without a baby I would get too confused with one. I would definitely do it if I wasn’t such an idiot with traveling though

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

Five months is prime portable age! I took my DS all over London (in his buggy) at that age.

[BeepBoopBeepBoop]

Wow. Some people are brutal! I very much appreciate those who are sharing their experiences & understand my concern about travelling. I hate it when someone drip-feeds but since so many people have continued to say I should use a sling despite me saying earlier I couldn't- I cannot use a sling. I have had various joint surgeries so cannot carry a sling. I physically wouldn't be able to get it on myself or be able to carry the weight.

Baby also had/has severe health issues which are improving somewhat but meant we couldn't travel as we spent most of the first 3-4 months in hospital. That isn't really of relevance to my original post as I'm asking for general advice on travelling with a baby with a buggy on public transport but that's the backstory for those commenting on health or asking why I've not been out on long journeys since newborn as many of you seem to have done.


For those commenting that I shouldn't have to stop during a 30 minute journey- do you ignore your babies for the whole 30 minutes if they cry? It's not a judgement at all. I'm just interested how this is so alien to some people. Perhaps because of the health issues I am more sensitive to attending to every cry than I otherwise would be? Or maybe DC cries more in the car than others. At home cries are rare but in the car they seem to happen every journey (we go out in the car most days). It does seem as though babies either settle well in the car or absolutely hate it. Perhaps our babies are just in different camps on that.

I don't think I was especially clear in my OP- this isn't a one off meet up. This would be a fortnightly journey at least to meet various friends which is why I'm hesitant to set the bar that we can travel.