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AIBU?

To not want to carry on if my husband dies?

138 replies

WingsOnMyBoots · 08/02/2018 10:30

Does anyone else feel like this?

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lurkingnotlurking · 08/02/2018 10:31

No. Although I'm sure I would struggle. Is yours unwell?

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babyccinoo · 08/02/2018 10:31

Is he unwell?

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Trashboat · 08/02/2018 10:31

Is you husband unwell?

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DriggleDraggle · 08/02/2018 10:32

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readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 10:32

Do you have children? I think I'd have to stay around no matter how bad things got because of DS.

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sinceyouask · 08/02/2018 10:33

I felt like that before we had dc. Now I feel that way about the dc.

Is this a situation you're having to deal with at the moment, op?

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AtlanticWaves · 08/02/2018 10:33

No but i have thought it about my D.C. But only if both died at the same time IYSWIM. I wouldn't want to leave one.

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CrispyWanton · 08/02/2018 10:33

Same here Driggle

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Allthewaves · 08/02/2018 10:34

No because I am my own person

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NoqontroI · 08/02/2018 10:34

Is your husband unwell op?

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Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 10:35

I would be devastated, I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing your partner but I know that he would want me to carry on and look after myself.

Is your husband ill? Is there a reason you're thinking about this?

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Badbadtromance · 08/02/2018 10:36

My DH died and you do find a way to carry on. If you have kids live for them

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QueenAravisOfArchenland · 08/02/2018 10:40

I read a magazine years ago which quoted a mother as saying (in ref to how motherhood had changed her), "I used to think that if [DH] died I'd die too. Now I'd stand on his head if it would keep her from drowning."

I didn't understand her then. I do now.

I'd no doubt be devastated if he died but there's no question in my mind that I'd carry on, and fight for my own life like a demon, because my kids need me.

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Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 10:40

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Scribblegirl · 08/02/2018 10:42

WHat other thread, Tink?

MIL once told DP (only child, long divorced) that if he died she'd probably kill herself. It's a lot to put on a person.

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WingsOnMyBoots · 08/02/2018 10:43

No sorry I didn't man to give the impression he's ill. We are both in our 50's, generally in good health. I am a person who loves life, I have many interests and love learning new things. but I realise that really he is the centre of my life and the other things wouldn't have the same meaning without him. We met and married in our late forties. I spent many years basically alone - no shortage of relationships but basically alone is that makes sense. I don't have children. I just feel the most important thing is love and would feel I was just killing time until I could join him if he went first.

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WingsOnMyBoots · 08/02/2018 10:45

Tink2007 I am not a 'troll'. I've never trolled in my life. I'm a genuine person asking an honest question.

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Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 10:45

Scribblegirl It’s the “missing him” thread. Could be wrong but that was the first thought in my head.

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Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 10:46

Wingsonmyboots Fair enough. As I said above it came off the back of a similar thread so it crossed my mind.

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PinkHeart5914 · 08/02/2018 10:47

You might feel that now but honestly you will just carry on.

I thought I wanted to die when my dd was stillborn but you know what each day comes and goes and you do learn to hurt a little less.

My grandma lost her 30 year old son and grandad ( her husband) within 10 days of each other, but you know what she is still here. Yes she was fucking hurt but 11 years on from the deaths she is doing ok in life.

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Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 10:47

Do be prepared to be flamed to hell and back for even posting this thread though. No doubt someone will be along to tell you to get a grip, get some help or are you not independent - based on the responses on the other thread.

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WingsOnMyBoots · 08/02/2018 10:48

Never heard of the missing him thread. There are bound to be thread similarities on a huge forum like this, surely?

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QueenAravisOfArchenland · 08/02/2018 10:50

I don't think it is U, as such, to feel that way, but I do think it suggests that you might benefit from building out your life and what you find fulfilling a bit more. I never felt like that before I had kids - it's more that having kids has removed even the faint possibility of me losing attachment to my own life - and statistically, most women will outlive their male partners, if they stay together "till death do us part". I think everyone deserves better than just waiting for death.

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NoqontroI · 08/02/2018 10:50

My husband died. Never have I thought that I wouldn't want to carry on because he's not here. I want to make the most of life, you realise how precious it is. But I definitely want to carry on, have fun and live as long as possible. I loved my husband. (I still do.) But I love other things about my life too.

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WingsOnMyBoots · 08/02/2018 10:51

Yes if I had children of course I would stay around for them no matter what but I don't.

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