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Roped into taking daughter's cat

(26 Posts)
Rosewell Thu 08-Feb-18 10:06:52

Our 19yo has moved out of a flat and is going travelling for a year. We took her cat in (temporarily) to help her but now it seems she is moving home after travelling to save money so she is planning to leave the cat here permanently. Trouble is, we already have an older female cat (12) and the new cat (male) is young. The two don't get along and are constantly fighting. Old cat is anxious and stressed and spends most of the time hiding from young cat. Young cat (sweet as he is) wants to play and takes a swipe at old cat every time they pass which turns into a scrap. I am totally fed up because it is destroying the carpets, furniture and plants. We cannot let it out because too near a main road so we have a lovely smelly litter tray as a permanent fixture along with the stress of trying not to let the cat out whenever anyone opens a door!. DH trying to run a business from home and it's causing all sorts of problems. Do feel sorry for the cat because he is just not suited to this environment and would be better with other younger cats and maybe somewhere with a garden he could play in. Because he used to get out at the flat, he constantly wants out now but my worry is he will get killed by a car. I have suggested to DD that we find a suitable home for him but she is having none of it and every time we try to broach the subject it ends up in an argument with her storming out! AIBU to want to re-home the cat?

scurryfunge Thu 08-Feb-18 10:09:39

Re-home your daughter and she can take the cat with her.

Snowydaysarehere Thu 08-Feb-18 10:10:43

Agree with scurry...

Tink2007 Thu 08-Feb-18 10:12:46

I definitely think your daughter needs to sit down and talk with you properly about this but I don’t think you can regime her cat without her say so either.

FairiesVsPixies Thu 08-Feb-18 10:13:16

I think you should find a new home for it. It wouldn't be fair being a housecat if it is used to being out and if it gets out it could get killed. Has she not got a friend who could have it for a year?

Gemma1995 Thu 08-Feb-18 10:14:01

I would explain all if this to your daughter and offer to help her find a new home for the cat. As you'll know cats can live for over 20 years so it's a huge commitment. If your own cat is depressed that's not fair and your daughters cat can't be really happy either. New cat needs a home with safe roaming outside. This happened to me after I moved out of my ex partners home. Mum had 4 elderly cats who were freaked out so we rehomed my cat. He went to a new home and was adored. Speak to your daughter and explain how you feel if not you'll eventually start to dislike new cat and feel annoyed with your daughter. Good luck.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Thu 08-Feb-18 10:19:04

It's not her decision to make. She should not have taken on the responsibility of a cat if she wasn't prepared to look after it properly, and she can't just force it on you. It's not fair on any of you, cats included. I would simply tell her that if she does not find a suitable home for the cat within two weeks then you will be contacting a rehoming charity.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 08-Feb-18 10:23:30

It's not her bloody decision any longer, is it?!

Seriously, if she's like this at 19 then she needs a short sharp lesson in living with other adults, as an adult. You are helping her out. She does not pay the full costs of where she is living, she has not had the cat agreed to - it's just not acceptable.

Tell her that she either takes HER cat elsewhere, or if she wishes to stay and assumes that the cat is now yours, that's fine and you will rehome your new cat straight away. And just do it.

UgandanKnuckles Thu 08-Feb-18 10:36:54

She either takes the cat herself or you regime it.

UgandanKnuckles Thu 08-Feb-18 10:37:11


Rosewell Thu 08-Feb-18 11:09:44

Thanks everyone for replying. I have tried to talk to her about it several times but it ends in a fall-out. I don't think we ABU wanting to re-home the cat and that is exactly what I am going to do if she won't do it herself before she goes travelling. Her comeback is always that we used to have 3 cats but the reality is that they all got on and our older cat was younger then and not so used to being on her own. This is a different situation. Our older cat goes in and out all the time but has road sense and never ventures near the road whereas we have already lost young cats on the road previously which is very upsetting and I want to avoid that happening again. Thanks for all the advice.

MatildaTheCat Thu 08-Feb-18 11:15:43

Actually she doesn’t get much say in this. She has effectively abandoned her cat with you, albeit she may be living there again for now. You are there trying to make the situation work and it just doesn’t.

I’d rehome him in a heartbeat. I also believe that young cats need the freedom to go out of doors and be cats.

As an aside, when in was 17 I heard someone at my part time job was having a cat problem and I blithely said, ‘oh, I will have her, my mum loves cats.’ I’m not sure now that mum did want a new cat thrust upon her hmm. Young people can be very unpractical about these matters.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 08-Feb-18 11:16:37

She is being utterly disgraceful. I would give her a deadline, no discussion. She collects her cat by x date or it is rehomed.

specialsubject Thu 08-Feb-18 11:18:21

tell her to stop being a spoilt brat. Before she pisses off on on her long holiday (which is all that 'travelling' is) she rehomes the cat. or you do.

cash clearly not an issue with a year-long drinking session in mind.

babyccinoo Thu 08-Feb-18 11:20:12

I agree you should rehome if she won't. She doesn't have the cat's best interests at heart.

scurryfunge Thu 08-Feb-18 11:21:01

Special subject, my son assured me that during his travelling time he mainly looked round craft markets grin

Rosewell Thu 08-Feb-18 11:33:51

I agree MatildaTheCat I think cats should have the freedom to go in and out, I don't think it is any life for him to be stuck indoors with another cat who cannot tolerate him. When she gets in from work later I will give her an ultimatum. Thanks all.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Thu 08-Feb-18 12:13:27

Good luck OP smile

Clandestino Thu 08-Feb-18 12:16:30

She doesn't have much to say, tbh. She needs to take her cat with her and cop on. Or let you rehome the cat responsibly, I personally wouldn't leave it up to her as she doesn't come across like a responsible pet owner.

SavvyBlancBlonde Thu 08-Feb-18 12:18:00

Is the cat chipped? You’d need her to sign the chip details over so you can regime

SavvyBlancBlonde Thu 08-Feb-18 12:18:10


Ellendegeneres Thu 08-Feb-18 12:23:42

Technically savvy, not necessarily true. My best friend rehomed recently, and while it was a hassle, she was able to transfer ownership to herself. Just needed the chip number and card to hand, explained situation to people at petlog and paid for the transfer.
In any case op, this isn’t your daughters decision any longer. Who’s paying for the cats care while in your home? Food, litter, toys, vet care? Who does she expect to do this going forward? Because as it stands, she’s homeless. She is staying with you, but that invite didn’t include a permanent home for ‘her’ pet who she plans to abandon to go on her jollies for a year and when home still not take.
So it’s your decision. I’d be contacting charities and asking for them to collect this abandoned cat.
Your adult dd does not get to decide that you have to care for another animal. She’s well out of order.

Flomy Thu 08-Feb-18 12:27:43

Well Im not much help but Morrisons cat litter & worlds best cat litter dont smell.

I would also get DD to buy some Feliway plug ins. I got a cheaper version from Amazon.

TheHallouminati Thu 08-Feb-18 12:34:11

You need to put your foot down. She doesn't see the urgency of the situation because she thinks you'll go on looking after him and have effectively taken the problem out of her hands. Who pays for his flea and worm treatments and booster injections? Bet it's not your 'd'd. Is he insured or would you have to take the financial hit if he needed medical treatment?

I took my sister's cat in when she was desperate even though it was against my rental contract. I was sceptical about taking her in as I had young children, and dh with asthma but she emotionally blackmailed me. She downplayed all of her cats bad behaviours and basically gave me the hard sell. According to her, I really ought to have a pet around my children anyway as it helps build their immune system. I was already in the early stages of pregnancy (which dsis knew) and the cat was causing all sorts of trouble. She was elderly and long haired but would not countenance being groomed and would scratch me to buggery if I tried. She developed arthritis and was petrified of my children. She would bring mice and frogs in but not kill them and cough up huge furballs on the carpet and scratch my sofa. Obviously, being pregnant I shouldn't really have been scooping cat poo etc but sister was just relieved to find her a home with me.
I began to really resent it. One day, just before baby was due I freaked out (hormones) and demanded she collect her cat and sort out a permanent home. We fell out briefly, other sis got involved and also had a go at me. It blew over. This was years ago and I now have my own cat as i have my own house and children are older. We're all good now but I'm still hmm confused as when I invited dsis to stay with her dh and baby and she declined becausd I have a cat and she didn't think it was clean around her pfb! I wonder if she realised how out of order it was to expect me to look after her cat and scoop its shit when pregnant considering she was so precious during her pregnancy?!

TheHallouminati Thu 08-Feb-18 12:39:12

Oh, and she somehow managed to find a home for her cat instantly. What are the odds of that?! It's almost like she hadn't even been looking because she knew I'd take her in! hmm

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