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Or can a facebook unfriending really hurt?

(56 Posts)
TheLegendOfBeans Thu 08-Feb-18 08:47:03

Daftest post ever.

Just been deleted by two former work friends I was close to when I was at my old job.

I'm 36, I have two children under two. Time is a luxury I once had and now don't. This means that I don't have time to see my closest pals as much as I would like, never mind former work buddies.

Just because I don't "check in" like I used to doesn't mean I don't care but to just be chopped without warning stings hard. Because I've just "not been in touch enough".

Am I daft to feel upset?

Facebook - making grown adults feel like kids in the playground since 1999.

Arcadia Thu 08-Feb-18 08:49:46

I got 'dumped' by a close friend this way. She wouldn't speak to me so I never found out why. Yes it is hurtful. I don't really use Facebook anymore.

idontlikealdi Thu 08-Feb-18 09:06:01

I delete old work colleagues even ones I was close to if they move on. They're colleagues jut friends and I wouldn't meet up with them in real life so what's the point in having them on fb?

Beelzebop Thu 08-Feb-18 09:09:28

It depends I think. I've just been dumped by a friend which is actually really hurtful. However loads of bods probably unfriend me daily but I don't notice, that hurt though. It seems to be when people have something to hide, or that they can't justify, they block. It's very frustrating.

gamerchick Thu 08-Feb-18 09:12:01

I delete everyone who I don’t interact with. Say those who will send a friend request, say hi and ask a question and they either don’t reply-ever or they ask a question and I answer, ask how they’re doing and no reply like ever. No interaction on their part anywhere. What’s the point of sending a request in that case? hmm

Ditto those who don’t use Facebook much. No point in having them on.

I don’t get much why people care if they’re deleted from Facebook. Facebook isn’t real, it’s just a way of wasting time.

Piffle11 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:28:09

I deleted old colleagues: we had been very close at work, and once I left we still met up occasionally for nights out/lunches. Then we drifted apart ... and I used to try and keep my FB friends to those I was actually still in contact with (I'm not on FB anymore) as I've never understood the need to be friends with anyone and everyone. I never accepted a friends request from anyone who had hundreds of 'friends'. If I was sharing news and pics of me/family, then I wanted it to be only going out to the few people that I was in touch with. I also deleted a few ex colleagues because they were FB friends with someone who I didn't want seeing my stuff - I even deleted my DSis when she became friends with my ex!

ShutYoFace Thu 08-Feb-18 09:30:08

You're being ridiculous. You used to work with these people, they are not your friends, you do not interact with them. They no longer want to share things with you anymore. So what?

It's not FB making you feel like that, it's you.

redcarbluecar Thu 08-Feb-18 09:34:21

I don't think this is unreasonable, but people use FB in different ways- some people are happy with lots of contacts, others want to limit it and unless there are 'real life' problems with these people, it's probably nothing personal. I tend to eventually delete people who don't interact with me at all. Each to their own, but natural emotional reactions will arise & aren't daft.

PonderLand Thu 08-Feb-18 09:35:27

@Piffle11

If you have your profile set to private then friends of friends can't see your profile.
If you have people like exes who you don't want to be able to search for you then you can block them. There is no need to delete people who have hundreds of friends, it makes no difference on who can see your stuff.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Feb-18 09:37:03

Some people just clear up their friend lists, especially former work colleagues who they no longer interact with. It's not always personal.

In fact, given how much information/photos etc people post of their children, I think they should do it far more often.

Dave and Barbara from accounts don't need to see or read about the minutiae of ex work colleague's kid's first day at school, when the last time they saw the kid they were in a pram.

Not that I'm saying it's the case here, but it's often one of many reasons for deletion that are not personal.

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 08-Feb-18 09:38:15

@shutyoface

Agreed in principle, it appears to be them who felt the friendship was closer than it was, hence my getting spanked for "not checking in enough".

It's a shame because at one point in time we were close, and had fun working together but things change and yet it's my fault and I get chopped?

Just find it all a bit daft really which is why I'm so annoyed it's hurt!

Johnnycomelately1 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:40:14

Sorry but I do this- totally not personal, but I feel it's better to keep the net fairly small on social media. When I moved countries I left it a few months and then deleted everyone i knew from work/ yoga/ boot camp etc because I knew realistically that we were friends for a "season" and unlikely to stay in touch in a meaningful way. Absolutely didnt dislike any of them.

GreatDuckCookery Thu 08-Feb-18 09:43:49

Try not to take it to heart. They probably just had a fb clear out.

SwarmOfCats Thu 08-Feb-18 09:47:58

I go with an attitude of “its only Facebook, not real life”. I don’t delete people often (more likely to unfollow), but have done if somebody ignores interaction. Deletes aren’t passive aggressive; just that I realise I’ve got someone on there who I don’t see, probably wouldn’t be friends with in real life any more, who doesn’t even want to communicate on social media...so there’s no point in having them on my friends list. If someone I usually interact with deleted me I’d likely ask them if everything was okay...but it’s not a big deal.

I know some adults use social media very passive-aggressively and deletions are intended to sting...but who needs someone like that in their life anyway?

It’s not worth worrying about.

Meadwaymumof4 Thu 08-Feb-18 09:48:36

Don’t feel bad, I avoid FB now as it makes me feel like crap 90% of the time.
I De friended two old work colleagues as one clearly had blocked me from seeing her posts. She only popped up on my feed when someone tagged her. So I just thought what was the point if she doesn’t want me to see her posts and she possibly never saw mine? She had over 100 friends so I just presumed she wouldn’t miss me. I havent spoken to her in ten years. She’s a lovely person but honestly she isn’t my friend.

Honestly was it really a loss for you? Was they good people you was close to outside of work? If not don’t waste emotions on them.

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 08-Feb-18 09:49:49

I think I'm away to stand accused of drip feeding but I got in touch with them to say "do you still work with X as I've met his wife" (you know, piffle) and got "oh hi stranger, nice of you to ask how it's going - thought we had a friendship but your lack of chat shows I was wrong"

Then I tried to respond but couldn't due to a chopping!

It's all so playground I know.

ALemonyPea Thu 08-Feb-18 09:51:13

Depending on the person who deletes you, it can hurt. I was deleted by a friend who I bump into every now and again. Still hurts two years on, and actively avoid them (if I see them coming my way) because I’m embarrassed they felt the need to delete me.

WorraLiberty Thu 08-Feb-18 09:52:23

They really said that?

Drama Llamas then. Even more reason not to bother about this.

Confuzzlediddled Thu 08-Feb-18 09:54:42

I recently deleted someone who I had been friends with for about 15 years, for bitching about me with another so called friend for being a 'drama queen' which was referring to me be more involved in the fact my dad had died suddenly 10 days before than thier goings on. To be honest I hope it did hurt her because she hurt me...

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 08-Feb-18 09:55:12

You're so right Worra

More llamas than a Peruvian farmyard.

extinctspecies Thu 08-Feb-18 09:57:08

If they are former work colleagues just connect with them on Linked In instead.

I prefer to keep good friends/family only for Facebook and work mates for Linked In.

People shouldn't take it personally. I often cull my list, but rarely delete someone because I don't like them.

borderline11 Thu 08-Feb-18 10:02:14

It is real life in that it's real people who are unfriending you. Facebook can be the perfect tool for the sort of people who love to piss people off. It's not being childish to be upset by someone unfriending you just because it's only "facebook"

AgainPlease Thu 08-Feb-18 10:02:24

Facebook - making grown adults feel like kids in the playground since 1999 2004

CotswoldStrife Thu 08-Feb-18 10:03:20

When was the last time you met up with them, OP? Is it just a friendship on social media now? They don't sound a big loss tbh.

I was unfriended after not sharing a status someone made about rehoming their pets. Not only does she put up the same status annually at the same time of year, she lives on another continent to me!

Funnily enough, she is the one who gets upset when unfriended so to her it was probably intended as a big insult (to me) but as I don't feel the same about being unfriended on FB it didn't work.

ShutYoFace Thu 08-Feb-18 10:05:07

Agreed in principle, it appears to be them who felt the friendship was closer than it was, hence my getting spanked for "not checking in enough

But you're focused only at your hurt at being chopped, and not remotely bothered that you hurt them by not even ever talking to them, until you wanted something.
Yes, it is all very juvenile, but you're the worst one in it.

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