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Friend leaving baby to cry - do I say something?

(197 Posts)
elenen Wed 07-Feb-18 21:48:12

I know I'm interfering but would you say something? Friend leaving 8 week premature 10 week old son to cry for "over an hour" every night the past week. Surely he just needs a cuddle sad do I mention that it's too early to leave him cry or just keep out?

midnightmisssuki Wed 07-Feb-18 21:49:35

IMO thats far too long but i suspect your friend will have her own reply to that. I would mention it to her if it were me.

Figgygal Wed 07-Feb-18 21:49:42

Of course you should say something What the fuck is she playing at?

Fortybingowings Wed 07-Feb-18 21:49:48

Just leave it. Not your business

Believeitornot Wed 07-Feb-18 21:50:21

It might be more than over an hour - she could be downplaying it.

Is she coping?

8 weeks prem?!

NewYearNewMe18 Wed 07-Feb-18 21:51:03

The child wont be harmed. Not everyone mollycoddles

RemainOptimistic Wed 07-Feb-18 21:51:10

Talk about the 4th trimester? Directly criticising a specific practise isn't going to end well.

Better to come alongside in support. It's bloody hard isn't it, here's something I found really helpful, 4th trimester, babies can't self settle yet etc.

KindergartenKop Wed 07-Feb-18 21:51:25

Maybe she needs some support rather than judgement? Offer to take baby out for a walk for a few hours. Make her some meals. Take any other kids she has for a sleepover.

Birdsgottafly Wed 07-Feb-18 21:51:39

Address it with her.

Personally I'd contact the Health visitor.

RedHelenB Wed 07-Feb-18 21:51:41

Babies did used to be left to cry in the not too distant past . Is she coping with other things?

bastardkitty Wed 07-Feb-18 21:52:29

Attending to the basic needs of a very young, very premature baby is not mollycoddling.

elenen Wed 07-Feb-18 21:53:37

First baby. She seems to be coping fine in other ways. She told our group of friends this as she was proud he's getting himself off to sleep.. after an hour of non stop screaming.

FlouncyDoves Wed 07-Feb-18 21:55:04

She’ll doing long term irreparable damage to his brain.

Believeitornot Wed 07-Feb-18 21:55:44

I’d say something if she mentioned it again.

Eltonjohnssyrup Wed 07-Feb-18 21:56:47

Er, does it not, like, get on her nerves. Babies have a cry which is pretty much guaranteed to make people want to stop it, if even for their own sake. Bit dubious about this tbh.

Patodp Wed 07-Feb-18 21:56:51

Flouncy errmm that bollocks

IslaMama Wed 07-Feb-18 21:57:01


I wouldn't let my now 1 year old cry through the night but I know that's my choice as a parent. I would try and support her through it but make it clear that you don't think it's the right thing to be letting a 10 week old baby cry for an hour.

I would say a baby at 10 weeks, waking up in the night and crying for that long is hungry?

My girl slept through from 8 weeks, but was in Moses basket beside us and if she ever cried it would be cuddle, not settling quick nappy change, really not settling feed

Elementally Wed 07-Feb-18 21:57:50

I would forget about it. It's not going to do him any harm and frankly it's scaremongering to suggest otherwise. My niece has a mother from a different culture to us and some of what she considers normal makes me wince. It's well known that as long as children are loved the specifics of parenting style make no difference.

Eltonjohnssyrup Wed 07-Feb-18 21:57:51

Pato, it's true. Large amounts of stress hormones damage the brains development.

FingersCrossedHard Wed 07-Feb-18 21:58:05

The child wont be harmed. Not everyone mollycoddles

Don't be so stupid. Not leaving an week old baby to scream for an hour is normal not 'mollycoddling'.

I would mention it op, I couldn't not. Stupid woman and poor baby.

elenen Wed 07-Feb-18 21:58:33

elton I thought that too as I can't stand hearing my 11mo cry at all! It's painful

AnUtterIdiot Wed 07-Feb-18 21:58:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flutterbyeee Wed 07-Feb-18 21:58:44

Crying causes brain damage??

Eltonjohnssyrup Wed 07-Feb-18 21:58:44

Article here:

Patodp Wed 07-Feb-18 21:59:03

I couldn't do it myself and think it's awful but it's such a sensitive subject she could really take offense if you say anything.

Try explaining the 4th trimester as someone above said. Babies really can't self settle until much older.

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