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To think she should be doing more...

(336 Posts)
Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 11:57:46

My nephew is staying here whilst my sister is away. For the last two days he hasn't been to school. I've woken him up 5 times today but he just ignores me. He's currently in bed now still. My sister keeps saying things like "see what I have to deal with" erm I don't need to see what you have to deal with as it's not my problem. When my kids go to school I want my house to myself but no. I set my alarm much earlier than what I get up to get him up and he just doesn't listen. She hasn't once called to speak to him about it and instead keeps getting me to call his school to explain he won't be in. Aibu in thinking she could do more??

Smeaton Wed 07-Feb-18 11:59:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:01:05


GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:01:08

Why is he allowed to do this with no repercussions? How old is he? Surely the school complains/keeps attendance records?

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:02:10

Yes they do have concerns about his attendance apparently.

EfficiencyDeficiency Wed 07-Feb-18 12:03:21

My ds is 14 so I know what it's like to have a dc that age but he knows when I go in to get him up that's it- up!

It's really unfair that you've been faced with this situation. He is old enough to realise the consequences.

When I tried this on as a teen my dad would tip a jug of water on me, I never tried it again! Good luck op

endofthelinefinally Wed 07-Feb-18 12:03:58

How old is he?
When my ds didn't get up for school, I rang them.
His teacher called me back and I handed the phone to ds.
Problem solved.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:17:56

endoftheline - applause for that tactic!

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:29:15

Unfortunately the absent bit for his school only goes on to answer phone when I call and I haven't got time to sit there calling as need to take my baby out to the doctors. It's starting to make me feel uncomfortable tbh as he is still 'asleep' and it's 12.30!

SaucyJack Wed 07-Feb-18 12:31:54

It kind of is your problem if you've agreed to care for him while your sister is away.

Take the duvet away?

metalmum15 Wed 07-Feb-18 12:32:40

Were you aware of his attendance problems before you offered to look after him? I think I would have said no if that was the case. There's obviously a lot more going off there that your ds needs to deal with and it's really not fair to dump it on you.

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:34:37

No unfortunately I wasnt! This has been arranged for about 2 months and she told me the day she dropped him here. I didn't offer to have him she asked and I felt like I couldn't say no.

SparklyMagpie Wed 07-Feb-18 12:37:44

Would he fuck be staying in bed !!

He's seeing you as an easy ride as he's gotten away with it.

Yes under your care at the moment and I'd be making sure he didn't have anything that seemed appealing to him in that room.

metalmum15 Wed 07-Feb-18 12:38:00

How much longer will he be there for? Teenagers will sleep forever so if you want him up, march in and open the curtains and demand he gets up. Your house, your rules. However, he obviously won't be going to school now so quite frankly, unless you want him under your feet, I'd leave him in there.

SparklyMagpie Wed 07-Feb-18 12:38:13

Sorry can't finish my post right now as I'm getting ready to take DS out but fuck that behaviour for a game of soldiers

Handsfull13 Wed 07-Feb-18 12:38:47

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do as he isn't your child so you are limited in how to handle him.
I would phone the school and say you are looking after him and it's unlikely he will be attending while he is with you as you physically can not get him up and force him to attend.
They can take it up with your sister when she gets back. I would make it clear to her that you would never have agreed to this if you knew he would be like this.
Is she away for work or is it just a holiday? If she could come home early I would tell her to get back. It's not fair on you

Keepingupwiththejonesys Wed 07-Feb-18 12:39:41

I'd take everything away. The duvet, his phone, any consoles he may have...everything. He gets them back once he starts behaving and going to school

Wellfuckmeinbothears Wed 07-Feb-18 12:41:05

Ah the joys of teens! Your sister should be doing more yes but realistically how much can she do while she's away? Keep calling the school, go in and tell him to get up every 10 minutes, leave his door open, open the curtains, play loud music etc. And then just don't agree to ever have him again!

Amatree Wed 07-Feb-18 12:42:51

Your house your rules. If he hasn't got up for school you go and pull his duvet off him. Another ten minutes and it's a jug of cold water. If he kicks off you call police and he gets out of your house. Your sister and now you are enabling his behaviour. He is a child and school is not an option!

billybagpuss Wed 07-Feb-18 12:42:52

Blimey how long have you got to put up with this for? Try very loud classical music outside his bedroom door smile

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:43:38

He doesn't have a phone as his dad took it. Doesn't seem to be on his laptop (wasn't the times I've gone in the room) and his ps4 is in the living room. He doesn't go to school for his mum either because she keeps saying "see what I have to put up with" hmm. It's not for me to "see". I'm not his parent and I think she should have made sure he knew he needed to attend school before dropping him here as it's not any one else's responsibility. I don't have teens so this isn't something I'm use to.

Amatree Wed 07-Feb-18 12:43:43

Oh and don't call the school explaining he won't be in, for goodness sake! Call them and state clearly that he is skiving and you're doing all you can to get him there. Don't cover for him!

Kittenshoes Wed 07-Feb-18 12:44:34

Could he have a problem like insomnia or depression? I missed a lot of school at that age for that exact reason and my parents had no idea why and just thought I was being lazy. In fact, I was severely depressed but they didn't show any interest in why I might be up all night crying instead of sleeping and then staying in bed crippled with sadness instead of getting up for school.

Or could he be being bullied?

Dancingfairy Wed 07-Feb-18 12:44:59

She could call him. She hasn't spoke to him once since he has been here (since Saturday night) and she returns Friday evening.

DeliberatelyAwkward Wed 07-Feb-18 12:46:17


It’s not the OPs child, but it certainly is her roof he’s staying under. A severe talking to is in order about attitude! If he’s not at school, then I’d be making him get up and contribute to the housework. Is he a pleasant enough child OP, or is this truanting an indicator of him generally...?

But also, to answer the actual question, yes your DSis is BU and could surely do more to help you.

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