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To ask school to not give extra help to ADHD son?

(20 Posts)
Guardsman18 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:38:11

Ds (13) has been diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years I have asked school for assistance with some subjects which they have now put in place.

All good I thought. Since ds has had this assistance, things have got worse for him. He wasn't introduced to the LSA and told me that 'some random man' had arrived and sat with him a few weeks ago.

He does have difficulty organising his work and processing his thoughts in creative stuff.

I can't help feeling that I have made things worse for him. The teachers are very cross with him all the time, he's being punished for things he can't do. LSA doesn't seem to be doing much, but I'm not there, so cannot know this really.

He managed fine last year on his own - in the top sets etc. He has made one or two friends (which took him a while) and now I feel I've made him more 'noticeable'.

I know the teachers are probably frustrated with him but I have to do something as every day he has these lessons, he's so miserable.

Any advice on how to approach school would be much appreciated. (I'm ringing in half an hour - so no rush!)

Thank you

newmumwithquestions Wed 07-Feb-18 09:41:23

Bump as you need a fast answer! (Sorry I don’t know the answer)

Catgotyourbrain Wed 07-Feb-18 09:44:49

You absolutely need help for him. Not good enough. Speak to the SENCO and go through your concerns. Then back yourself up with an email summarising what was said.

Go on the SEN boards here if no answers here

Guardsman18 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:44:54

And how i do that?!

Guardsman18 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:51:08

Cat, I meant the bump thing! I shall speak to SENCO

Catgotyourbrain Wed 07-Feb-18 09:51:25

Which ? Sen boards are here - there are a few boards - and some very wise MNers on there

Catgotyourbrain Wed 07-Feb-18 09:52:48

Bumping is adding a post purely so that your thread stays near the top of the board and gets noticed

Orchidflower1 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:55:55

Bump for you xx

Orchidflower1 Wed 07-Feb-18 09:56:19

Hope someone comes along with further advice. Xx

FrayedHem Wed 07-Feb-18 10:04:07

DS1 became embarrassed about having 1:1 LSA support in Yr6 (he'd had 1:1 since reception). I think you really need to have a meeting with the SENDCo to discuss if there's a better way of supporting him. Discreet hover support/work prepared in advance/checklists/communication cards are things DS1 responded to more positively.

Guardsman18 Wed 07-Feb-18 10:09:23

Yes, he is embarrassed. The LSA doesn't seem to be helping him but I won't say that of course.

One example is that he has lost his book. He's had detention for that but nobody seems to be suggesting where to look for it - just shouting at him and giving him a punishment. It isn't in the house. I feel like going to the school and looking for it myself!

I asked if the LSA could go to the homework club after school with him. Yes, that's fine they said. Off he went and it had been cancelled.

I will speak to SENCO. I just wanted some common sense today as I'm not feeling very rational atm

FrayedHem Wed 07-Feb-18 10:21:50

DS1 us now in an ASD unit so I'm not that familiar with secondary school SEN support in mainstream. Does the school have any dedicated SEN mentors? Our local mainstream (that DS1 doesn't go to) issued passes for children with SEN to access the SEN department so they could go and speak to someone there when they were having difficulties. It seems it may benefit your DS1 more to have an advocate on a class teacher level then LSA support in lesson iykwim.

BritabroadinAsia Wed 07-Feb-18 13:33:06

I know my post is probably too late now, but I think the SENCO needs to disseminate some information to the teaching staff regarding the specific issues your DS finds difficult. Presumably organisation and executive function are a problem for him, so of course he is highly likely to forget things - detention isn't going to support that.

Can the LSA support be used in helping him check that he has the right books and equipment for each lesson, that his homework is recorded in a way he can access it, and that he has support in planning how to complete it and when it needs to be handed in (if that would help him)?

Lots of empathy from me! (Parent of DC with ADHD and former SENCO)

Guardsman18 Wed 07-Feb-18 15:01:40

Thank you Brit. Not too late as I haven't rung yet. I was a bit upset so took the dog for a walk. Didn't want to cry on the 'phone!

Tbh I thought they had the information on ADHD but obviously not all of them have read it! At the rate they're going, he's going to give up bless him.

I think your suggestions are perfect for him. This is what I wanted really. Advice on what to ask for when I speak to Senco rather than expecting them to know and me just blubbing or having a go at them for not getting it right.

I've contacted a tutor today who has
availability, so that 1:1 should help him.

BritabroadinAsia Fri 09-Feb-18 23:16:15

Sorry - just saw your reply today. Hope that the call to the SENCO had a positive outcome?
Have fingers crossed for you that your son will get the right support and not become disheartened, as it sounds like he's been doing really well and just needs his specific difficulties to be acknowledged and addressed with sensitivity.

Iluvthe80s Fri 09-Feb-18 23:38:09

They shouldn't be shouting at him or punishing him for losing a book. This is a direct result of his Adhd. He is being discriminated against. Our 15 year old has Adhd and most probably autism too. Just got ehcp approved. He's been tutored at home since December made such a difference. Getting the right support in place for him now is key

Guardsman18 Sat 10-Feb-18 09:18:04

Thanks both for you replies. Conversation wasn't that successful. Senco rang me and caught me unawares.

One thing she said that stood out to me was 'the expectation in the higher sets are so much more than in the lower ones.' I didn't think quickly enough, but wish I had said - so are you saying that children with ADHD or any other disability shouldn't be in the higher sets?

BritabroadinAsia Sat 10-Feb-18 16:00:40

Is it worth thinking about the outcomes you want and then emailing her, rather than speaking in the phone?
Or having a face to face meeting but with notes about each point you want to raise? Nothing worse than being caught in the hop on the phone!

riverpen Sat 10-Feb-18 16:28:23

Agree with britabroad - it's really useful to write down everything you want to say before a phone call, I get muddled up otherwise.

I have ADHD and I'm currently a student at Oxford Uni. I don't really have much helpful advice for school because I wasn't properly diagnosed til uni and I went to school in a different country (and therefore a different system) anyway. What I would say though is a) make sure you've talked to your DS about this in detail, you might be surprised how clear his own opinions are on whether or not he needs help, and b) it might be worth going to the teachers in person (perhaps with a friend if you think you might get upset), especially the ones who have been getting him into trouble unfairly, and ask them for their view of the situation. There are probably teachers on here who can give more detailed advice on the system, though. All I can say is I know schools can be rubbish with this sort of thing - they tried to send me to a special needs school back when I was in a UK primary, and thought I might never even learn to read properly (lol).

Another thing that might help your son more generally at the moment is for you to sit down with him and write down everything that he has been finding difficult, and then come up with potential ways of solving them. Eg, for the difficulty organising his work you might want to get him a big wall calendar to write deadlines and things in, and maybe sit down with him every day after school to put papers in the right folders and so on. For losing books, make sure he has a clear, tidy place to keep his things, and when he has lost something you might want to write a note for school saying that you are aware he has lost it, have helped him look for it and can't find it either. You don't want to make him feel babied, but it is massively relieving as a child with difficulties to know your parent is on your side, understands your difficulties and is willing to help you get past them.

Sorry if this is all really obvious stuff you're already doing, but I just wanted to write down what I wish my parents had done for me when I was 13.

littletinyme1 Sat 10-Feb-18 17:41:16

My clever 15yo son has ADHD and requires no additional help in top set lessons, other than the meds he takes to help him fous. His organisational skills are OK ish but i would be furious if i found out that people were punishing him for losing a book ratherthan giving him a new one. Under no circumstance allow him to be moved to lower sets. No need for avTA to sit with him unless he is unmedicated.

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