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To be annoyed by the lack of female solidarity - semi light-hearted

(18 Posts)
Blaablaablaa Tue 06-Feb-18 21:19:26

Just feel like having a mini rant and moan - nothing serious just a little niggle that's annoyed me at the end of a looong and tiresome day.

I'm happily married, DH is great - kind, funny, does more than his fair share and is an excellent dad to our little one. He works in a female dominated sector where he is well respected and the ultimate professional. He's always had a bit of a fan club but I've always found it amusing and get on exceptionally well with his team and close colleagues - I class a couple as close friends. However, occasionally a colleague will push the 'fan club' bit too far and make it clear she's interested in him and over step the mark - he's never entertained the attention and has always been open and honest with me.

He's currently experiencing this and although i trust him 100% it just annoys me that there are some women who will make a play for someone else's husband when it's very obvious they aren't interested....I find it so disrespectful!

NewIdeasToday Tue 06-Feb-18 21:33:31

Do you think you’re reading too much into this? Sounds like you’re going looking for trouble.

Blaablaablaa Tue 06-Feb-18 21:46:30

No and I'm not really that bothered - DH brought it up and showed me the email she'd sent him today. He has to deal with her on a professional level but she can get very flirty (kisses on emails, saying 'i'll never forget those times we spent together' when discussing a project they worked on etc) he wanted my advice as to the best way of shutting it down with making a big deal of it. He's pretty annoyed about it today as she's arranged ( a legitimate) work meeting but the title in the meeting request is just so inappropriate and unprofessional - calenders are shared so his whole team will see it.

Abracadabraapileofbollocks Tue 06-Feb-18 21:49:36

I don't think humans are that great at putting aside their own agenda. Not just a female thing.
I hope your husband is sharing this harrassment with superiors.

InToMyHeart Tue 06-Feb-18 21:59:18

I don't think it's about having a lack of female solidarity. I think it's about having a lack of decency!

PoorYorick Tue 06-Feb-18 22:00:54

Hitting on a married person is wrong but it isn't a 'female solidarity' thing. Men and women both do it and it's equally wrong.

Blaablaablaa Tue 06-Feb-18 22:12:29

Oh I know it's not exclusive to women ....you're right, it's just a lack of decency.

I was just considering what sort of woman tries it on with a married man with a young family ....and I know the men aren't helpless and it's their responsibility to stay faithful but I just felt that I couldn't ever feeling that was appropriate behaviour

laura65988 Wed 07-Feb-18 12:02:30

She's out of order and over stepping the mark I have to applaud ure husband for coming to u and telling u ask u how to handle that shows love I wouldn't be to bothered by it now as he's not interested and she's making a full of herself

ShutYoFace Wed 07-Feb-18 12:04:08

He doesn't have a fan club. hmm

DenPerry Wed 07-Feb-18 12:20:58

I get you OP. I agree it's 100% your husbands responsibility not to go forward with it, I don't agree with the notion of men being stolen from their wives. A woman could be prancing about naked infront of DP and I would expect him to resist any temptation. But it's really, really shitty when the woman definitely knows a man has a partner/wife/family. I've experienced women asking DP out and it's made us both laugh, but they didn't know about me. I imagine it feels really disrespectful if they do.. like you are inconsequential.

Blaablaablaa Wed 07-Feb-18 14:04:41

What I meant by fan club is that he's well liked....

I totally agree...people can't be stolen. It's patronising to suggest they can.

I think it's annoying him more than me.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 07-Feb-18 14:08:43

I never really get the female solidarity thing tbh, people fuck people over all the time becuase people are self centred and selfish it’s life.

However I do absolutely see your point about women or men that make it clear they are interested in someone when they know full well they are in a relationship, it is disrespectful and shows a lack of class imo.

Olddear Wed 07-Feb-18 14:12:58

Has he brought this up with his manager? Or his colleague? If he is the ultimate professional you say he is he will be able to put a stop to surely?

Rudgie47 Wed 07-Feb-18 14:13:34

I personally dont know many women who would try it on with a married man. However I know loads of married men who would try it on with anything that moves
I think for her to act like this out of the blue is suspicious. If hes not interested all he needs to do is say he is married and not interested and could we stick to work please.
Why cant he just tell her?

babba2014 Wed 07-Feb-18 14:16:44

He should report it whichever way it needs to be done or tell her directly (even if he has to email it) to stop and that he doesn't appreciate it. If it's something everyone sees then it's not on. She needs to have some respect.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 07-Feb-18 14:22:12

I read an article the other day talking about why people go for those already in relationships and apparently it is to do with our instinct to chose the best ‘mate’, and one chosen by someone else has an attraction for that reason - like a second opinion.

Ironic really because if they then switch to the new woman then they clearly aren’t actually an example of a good ‘mate’!

Sorry, bit off piste.

I think the ‘female solidarity’ thing is a bit of a red herring really. She doesn’t know you or care about, she’s just thinking about her self and what she wants. It’s a very bad and antisocial way to behave but some people don’t have that particular moral barrier.

Dontwantanicknamethanks Wed 07-Feb-18 14:24:09

He just needs to NOT laugh at her jokes or smile indulgently at her. His lack of engagement will make her feel silly. If she raises it, he can then respond. Hopefully it will make her feel silly and give up. He needs to do it quite clearly though i.e. Only talk to her when necessary, focus on others there etc. She should get the message (and find the next devoted husband to prey upon because she - ironically - wants a devoted husband for herself🙄)

Blaablaablaa Wed 07-Feb-18 15:03:47

Some really interesting points here. From a psychological/sociological perspective it's interesting.

He's dealing with it and it isn't/won't be a major problem. I was just having a mini rant as I'd spent all day dealing with rude people and this just tipped me over the edge!

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