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FUMING: To not want dd sleeping in dirty sheets

(87 Posts)
Brokentopieces Tue 06-Feb-18 18:10:44

Dd8 stays in her dads for a night every couple of weeks. There’s being an ongoing issue with dogs in her bed which makes me feel sick. The 2 dogs always seem to be in her room (according to dd) and I’ve seen them myself on her windowsill when collecting her one day. The bigger dog staff terrier can open her door.
I’ve previously asked her dad to fix the door as she was coming home with a rash when she stayed there, he told me he had.
Last weekend dd came home saying when she woke up the dog was in bed beside her. This makes me feel so uneasy due to the complete lack of hygiene and safety issue. I have to admit I don’t like dogs but surely a child shouldn’t be sleeping with a dog. Her Dad’s house wouldn’t be considered clean and his hygiene standards are vile and he sends her home filthy with clothes I provide destroyed.
I tried to text him about it to say dd mentioned the dogs got in so maybe the handle is loose and all I get is attitude.
Dd loves the dog in fairness but AIBU?

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman Tue 06-Feb-18 18:13:03

In fairness to dd she love the dogs!!. Enough said then.
As a dc my ddog slept in my bed.. I am still alive!! And very healthy!! And a ddog lover!!
Pick your battles op.

Waitingonasmile Tue 06-Feb-18 18:13:44

If she is under about 8 I wouldn't be happy with her left alone with a dog.

Sprinklestar Tue 06-Feb-18 18:14:40

I wouldn’t send her. Sounds like it’s not safe.

Cat2014 Tue 06-Feb-18 18:16:29

The hygiene thing wouldn’t bother me at all, as long as dogs are toilet trained!! Kids need to be in contact with germs! However I would be more concerned about the safety aspect I think.

acornsandnuts Tue 06-Feb-18 18:16:31

I watch my dog eat shit, rummage in a dead badger carcass , lick his arse and other dogs balls. I love him but no. Dogs don’t belong in beds.

If the dogs are so taken with that particular room could your ex swap with add and he can wake up to a dogs arse under his nose.

Ladyformation Tue 06-Feb-18 18:17:03

YABU. At that age I absolutely loved the nights when I could convince my dog to sleep in my bed. She'd normally concede to sleeping at the foot at best but I loved cuddling up with her. It sounds like your DD is happy so I don't see the problem.

OpheliaLeghorn Tue 06-Feb-18 18:17:46

Oh dear. I spent my childhood sleeping with dogs. One of my sisters used to go to sleep in one of the dog-baskets, and we all survived. We had animals on the dinner table and all sorts (though I still wash my hands properly when I use a public loo, so we all have our particular hang-ups about germs).

Is it just the dogs that bother you, OP, or are they the tip of the iceberg?

Stompythedinosaur Tue 06-Feb-18 18:17:48

Assuming she isn't tiny I don't think this is a particularly big issue unless it is actually upsetting her.

If it is then her father should listen.

QuestionableMouse Tue 06-Feb-18 18:18:10

The rash could be caused by fleas.

mustbemad17 Tue 06-Feb-18 18:18:36

Dogs on beds doesn't bother me if bedding is regularly changed. However if she is coming home with a rash it suggests she is reacting to something?

Oysterbabe Tue 06-Feb-18 18:19:55

The cat always slept in my bed when I was a child and I loved it.

InDubiousBattle Tue 06-Feb-18 18:23:02

YANBU! The child is coming home with a rash and destroyed clothes. He should fix the bloody door and keep the dog out of her way when she's sleeping. All I hear on mn about dogs is that they should never be left alone with young children, how can sleeping together ever be safe?

MatildaTheCat Tue 06-Feb-18 18:25:58

General filth is not ok. Does he keep her clean and ensure her teeth are brushed?

The dogs I’d be ok with but not the dirt.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 06-Feb-18 18:28:34

Dogs sleeping on the bed wouldn't bother me but I would want her sheets cleaning weekly. Maybe not mention the dogs but his general lack of hygiene? It's not very nice for DD to have to stay in a shit hole.

user1474652148 Tue 06-Feb-18 18:33:55

If she is coming home with rashes and is filthy then that is neglect. It is particularly bad that he isn’t listening to you.
Stop the overnight visits on these grounds, you don’t need another reason

user1474652148 Tue 06-Feb-18 18:36:13

You owe it to dd it keep her safe and well

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Tue 06-Feb-18 18:41:09

The hygiene part wouldn't worry me greatly (unless the dogs are mangey or hopping with fleas). I used to love having the cats sleeping in my bed when I was little and had no sense of cleanliness.

However, as an admittedly non dog person, I don't think it would be recommended to have a staffy unsupervised with a child.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Tue 06-Feb-18 18:41:50

Mind you I've just remembered I picked up ringworm from one of the cats, so I do see your concern.

Steeley113 Tue 06-Feb-18 18:43:53

TBH sharing a bed with a dog doesn’t bother me. And my cat often gets into bed with my kids. If the house is gross and she’s coming back with rashes I’d have an issue though.

fruitbrewhaha Tue 06-Feb-18 18:43:54

My dog is my favourite member of the family to sleep with, she's all warm and snuggly.

Is his house unhygienic? Is she not putting clean clothes on while there? If he's not looking after her properly then you need to talk to him.
If she doesn't like the dog on the bed, he needs to stop if going in there.

Wellfuckmeinbothears Tue 06-Feb-18 18:44:45

I love dogs, we have a husky and my dh has two children aged 10 and 5. Never, ever do we leave them unsupervised with the dog and no way would he be allowed in their beds at night. He is an incredibly well trained, gentle dog but just no.

The germs however would not be the thing that bothered me, its the safety aspect.

Brokentopieces Tue 06-Feb-18 18:45:54

To answer a few questions:
Dd doesn’t like the dog in her bed
The house in general is very dirty, I don’t even go in as last time I did I had to stand as I could bear to sit anywhere. The smell of dogs is vile
He gets her to brush her teeth sometimes but mostly as I hassle him about it, but hair doesn’t be brushed and she is dirty/smelly coming home, sometimes she won’t have had much food
Bedding wouldn’t definitely not be washed weekly, monthly. I’d be surprised if it’s done every 6 months which turns my stomach.

Seeing it all wrote down makes me see how bad it is and sad for dd but I don’t even know how to approach it now. He doesn’t take any criticism and won’t make changes anyways. My question about the door was answered with ‘ya whatever’

thecatsabsentcojones Tue 06-Feb-18 18:46:22

Bloody hell, we wouldn't have had half as much sleep as we do if the dogs weren't deployed as night time guards against imaginary night time monsters, things that go bump in the night and their ilk. Our kids adore the dogs and like snuggling up to them during the day and at night. You may dislike dogs but in doing so you'll deny your child an enriching experience.

Unless you have worries about the behaviour of those specific dogs and feel they're unsafe (and despite Mumsnet general hysteria about this issue most dogs are safe) then where's the harm? The rash is far more likely to be washing powder differences.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Tue 06-Feb-18 18:46:43

Dh's niece is a doctor and she lets her tinies cuddle up with her dogs all the time. One of the very first pics she sent of newborn no. 2, was snuggled up with one of the dogs.
Our dog was often on our bed or cuddled up with dds - nobody got sick or died.

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