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To be upset and annoyed by this I think I am

(20 Posts)
brewsandbooks Tue 06-Feb-18 14:40:55

Ok so I'll keep this short...

Iv had two relationships 1. was my first love we was together 6 years and 2. My husband

I was totally young and dumb when I was with my ex and head over heels in love half way through our 6 year relationship, he cheated on me with a girl let's call her A . He worked with her and for so long I was in the dark they said they was best friends and mug here fell for it , A would be very nice to me when we was all together and when I eventually found out that they was more than friends it really damaged my trust and self respect and I stayed with him ( please don't judge ) it ended in the end thank god but That situation has left a mark.

I then met my husband 5 years ago , when we first got together he had a girl called A texting him said it was an ex but they remained friends she would always text late at night inviting him out and to go to her house etc, I told him about my past and said I was uncomfortable with it , he stopped it there then .

Anyway fast forward FIVE years and I asked him who that ex was as we never really talked ex's and it only turns out it's the same bloody girl !!!

I'm so annoyed by this and I'm not sure why , I feel like I can't shake her !!

Am I wrong for feeling this way??

Sorry for typos

Hygge Tue 06-Feb-18 14:44:43

It's an unfortunate coincidence and I can see why it's upset you.

However your DH ended the friendship when you explained why it made you feel uncomfortable and, unless she's back in his life, you have shaken her off and so has he.

Can you try to focus on that instead of the coincidence?

Mookatron Tue 06-Feb-18 14:48:47

Well, at the risk of sounding childish, you won! Ha!

Since it's 5 years ago and your H hasn't heard from her since that's probably the best way of thinking about it.

brewsandbooks Tue 06-Feb-18 15:58:16

Yes you are 100% right, I think it's because Iv only just found out it was the same person it stumped me !

Dam small world, thanks ladies

laura65988 Wed 07-Feb-18 12:51:57

Omg u can't seem to shake her off she seems to like what u have but he hadn't spoke to her since so not with fretting over xx

TitaniasCloset Wed 07-Feb-18 23:41:48

Do you look like each other? And did she know you were with your DH when she used to call him over?

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 00:33:27

We do have similar features same hair hair and eye colour.. never really thought about it till now though confused I'm sure she knew DH was in a relationship with me because of Facebook and she would also contact him on there , and I can't imagine she forgot who I was after shagging my BF behind my back while being friendly to my face !!
I wish I knew it was here when she was contacting DH not 5 Years later because I have a million things I'd like to say to her ( even though I'd never have the guts )

SleightOfMind Thu 08-Feb-18 00:37:20

That is fucking weird. No wonder you’re unsettled.

Was your DH aware that she knew you?

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 00:44:28

Not a clue, we never really opened the EX files till later in the relationship and when he had talked about this Girl neither of us put 2 and 2 together ! Until now when I wanted to fb stalk who his ex was , when I found the profile I was like for the love of god don't tell me it this girl ... and it was !!

I just feel like it's really bizarre that she would try and do this to me twice but it's to late to now to confront it , I would like mad now if I was to say something!

So glad she is blocked on everything so can't try again and I know DH would tell her where to go, I just have a lot of angry towards her and that's not healthy really!

Worst part my DH has only had one serious relationship before me ( massive playboy for years ) and it was her and she's the only other girl he said I love you to! Even though this was all before me I just feel like not only did she take my ex but she's taking abit of DH to... I'm crazy arnt I

Crispbutty Thu 08-Feb-18 00:50:55

So your husband was with her before you met him. How long before? And was it after you and your husband split? Could she have thought you got with him to get some sort of revenge. Either way it’s a really bizarre coincidence and would freak me a bit.

hadthesnip Thu 08-Feb-18 00:56:42

A bit weird really, but reading that last post by you I do think you are a bit paranoid when you say she "did this to me twice"

I don't think she did anything to you personally, certainly not involving your DH. You said he stopped being in contact when you explained & I doubt very much she knew it was you who he was now in a relationship with.

It is either a very bid co-incidence or you move in very small circles - you don't live on a desert island by any chance.

PancakeInMaBelly Thu 08-Feb-18 00:59:05

That would freak me out I would be really unsettled by it.

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 01:00:41

Together about 8 years ago so both young , early twenties very similar to me and ex but I was late teens tbh by what I can gather they broke up about a year before my ex cheated with her. Even though they broke up 8 years ago they had a friends thing till 5 years ago when I met DH and she was just to friendly for my liking so I asked him to stop , he did , but I didn't have a clue then that it was her 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm sure she would know it was me though

I'm not sure maybe she could think that , but I'm not sure how she would think I would know she had a relationship with DH ? And I never confronted her about her and my ex she may think I didn't know about it all because stupidly we didn't break up over it

redexpat Thu 08-Feb-18 04:59:16

I dont think anyone expects to encounter the OW twice. I would find that unsettling. I would try and focus on your lovely DH who behaved exactly as a decent human being should.

Dancingfairy Thu 08-Feb-18 07:36:32

That would definitely bother me yes!

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 07:43:50

Definitely and i have now blocked her on my social media so I can't be tempted to snoop more after I found pics of DH on her site. Things like throwback Thursday ect.

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 11:20:53

Snip no not a desert island unfortunately like you said it's big coincidence as DH wasn't raised here and I lived far from here to begin with

KC225 Thu 08-Feb-18 11:44:55

Bloody hell, where do you live Fraggle Rock?

How strange is that?

Blackteadrinker77 Thu 08-Feb-18 11:49:25

What on earth made you ask about the texts 5 years later?

Have you been thinking about them all this time?

brewsandbooks Thu 08-Feb-18 12:04:43

He was telling me a story and it partly included his ex so I asked what her surname was to have a nose ( silly I know ) couldn't believe it when she popped up, the name is very common so never put two and two together before

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