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To consider this friend a CF and go LC?

(76 Posts)
Peoplesuckballs Tue 06-Feb-18 11:22:32

Friend accepted invitation to my child's birthday party then texted me to say that can't make it as her child's best friend has party on the same day. She offered to meet on the next day, but I feel really let down as my child is only inviting a few people and she knows I have been struggling with health issues and isolation due to maternity leave.

UpstartCrow Tue 06-Feb-18 11:24:19

Yanbu, the rule is you go with the first invite you accepted, not ditch because a 'better' one came along.

ManyFloralBlouses Tue 06-Feb-18 11:24:48

In the kindest way possible op yabu
She obviously wanted to come but she has to be their for her bf child bday that doesn’t mean she’s not your friend and she’s offering to come the next day. I wouldn’t go lc over this at all

blueskyinmarch Tue 06-Feb-18 11:47:17

What age are the children? I am guessing her DD really wants to go to her best friends party and they were coming to your DDs party because of the friendship between the adults. I think I might have done the same in this instance. They are planning to come the next day so your DD gets two days of birthday celebration and you get to SW your friend. I wouldn't cut contact just for this. You would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Winosaurus Tue 06-Feb-18 11:52:53

YABU Sorry in this situation I would do the same. She accepted the invite on DD’s behalf but in reality DD would prefer to go to her best buddy’s party. Are the kids only friends because you two are?

Lalliella Tue 06-Feb-18 11:56:07

What is LC? YANBU to be miffed, it is bad manners, but the alternative plan sounds good. Sell it to DD as 2 birthday treats. Not worth falling out over.

SD1978 Tue 06-Feb-18 11:58:59

It’s a bit crap, but as others have said- you are friends and he child was invited because of your friendship, otherwise they wouldn’t know each other. Her BF is going to be her priority. I’d be a bit upset on behalf of my child, but appreciate the honesty from my friend about why they weren’t coming. I’d rather not have a sulky kid at my daughters birthday who would have preferred to be elsewhere. That wouldn’t make it fun for either of them.

ShutYoFace Tue 06-Feb-18 12:01:26

Yanbu, the rule is you go with the first invite you accepted, not ditch because a 'better' one came along

Thats not the rule. I wouldn't go to my husbands workmates birthday instead of my sisters just cos he asked first.
There is no such rule.

IWouldLikeToKnow Tue 06-Feb-18 12:02:24

I think YABU. Her daughter probably wants to go to her best friend's party. It's unfair to expect the child to miss her friend's party. If your friend came on here to ask which party to go to, the advice would be likely to let the child choose. I think you are allowed be upset though but I wouldn't ruin the friendship over it.

AtrociousCircumstance Tue 06-Feb-18 12:03:52

She’s putting her child before you. I’d say that was ok, wouldn’t you?

She’s offered an alternative. She’s not your friend to prioritise your needs all the time.

I’m sure your DC will have a lovely time if you focus on making it lovely - remember it’s aboutgour DC and not you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 06-Feb-18 12:13:29

You're not being unreasonable. You accept the first invitation - and you GO. Or you do if you have any class. Or even a diary if your memory is so poor that you don't know when a BEST friend or relative's key event is coming up.

Don't bother with low contact, just don't bother at all.

Aworldofmyown Tue 06-Feb-18 12:19:42

In this instance I think you need to be a bit understanding. Its her childs best friend and he/she would be gutted to not be allowed.

She has tried to arrange something else with you.

BarbarianMum Tue 06-Feb-18 12:20:26

<<I am guessing her DD really wants to go to her best friends party and they were coming to your DDs party because of the friendship between the adults.>>

This.

ShutYoFace Tue 06-Feb-18 12:21:27

You accept the first invitation - and you GO. Or you do if you have any class

That has nothing to do with class. If you had any you wouldn't insist that children attend parties to suit the parents, or tell your kid "no you can't go to your best friends party that you really want to go to, because I accepted something on your behalf that you don't want to do".
That's being rigid and a crap parent.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 06-Feb-18 12:25:36

Does in my book, Shut, you treat invitations with respect. You don't feel the same? Fine by me.

FrancisCrawford Tue 06-Feb-18 12:26:13

What Iwould said

pasturesgreen Tue 06-Feb-18 12:26:36

YANBU, I'm with the PP who said you go with the first invite you accepted. Rude to flake at the last minute when something better comes along, I'm surprised so many PPs are advocating this line of conduct.
I wouldn't go so far as going LC over this, but I'd certainly remember.

ShutYoFace Tue 06-Feb-18 12:27:26

Does in my book, Shut, you treat invitations with respect. You don't feel the same? Fine by me

You can treat invites with respect I prefer to treat my children with respect. You don't feel the same? Fine with me. Not so fine with your kid though, who has to go to mums friends kids party instead of her best friends, because mum doesn't care about what she wants.

MatildaTheCat Tue 06-Feb-18 12:28:32

Difficult one but I think I would have done the same unfortunately. You don’t say how far ahead it is but she’s obviously been a bit caught out. She’s offered to see you the next day so trying to make it up to you.

If you ditch her you are basically cutting off your nose to spite your face. I hope you and your child enjoy the party. Small children won’t notice how many guests there are.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 06-Feb-18 12:29:38

Then don't accept the invitations in the first place if you're going to wibble when another one comes in. Not difficult, is it.

I won't bring my children up to treat people like that.

ShowMeTheElf Tue 06-Feb-18 12:40:36

I would always honour the first invitation if I'd already accepted. It's just as easy to contact the child's BF parents and apologise, decline, and suggest meeting up another day, as it is doing it to the OP.
Clearly OP and I are in a minority though as most posters disagree. OP this isn't worth going LC over, apparently most people think this is normal, not CF behaviour.

blueskyinmarch Tue 06-Feb-18 12:45:41

Depending on the age of the child involved it may be that the mum has accepted one invitation and the child has accepted the other from her bf. What then folks?

ShutYoFace Tue 06-Feb-18 12:49:41

Then don't accept the invitations in the first place if you're going to wibble when another one comes in. Not difficult, is it

Yes, it is difficult. And stupid. that would would mean never going to any party.

You won't bring up your kids to treat people like that, but you'll treat them badly instead. I wonder how they''ll treat you in the future?
Sorry mum, I'm not coming to your 70th, I said ages ago I would go to the cinema with a friend. Sorry, I won't put you in the nice home, I said you'd go to a shitty one already!

Maybe you should care more about your children and their needs instead of your own image and desire to be seen a certain way?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 06-Feb-18 12:55:50

See now Shut, I didn't' get personal with you. I wonder how you'll fare when children don't want to attend your children's parties because of the cavalier way that you treat other people? But then again, I don't care. We will never mix and I don't have to meet your offspring, thank goodness. smile

m0therofdragons Tue 06-Feb-18 12:56:18

Op we've just had this. Dd wants to do an activity with friends for her birthday and I contacted all parents as had to pay per dc upfront. I explained this and asked if they could confirm. We're taking dc out for a day trip. First one to respond saying yes then messaged the day after I said I was paying to pull out.

To be honest I pull 🙄 this face.

I checked with best friend which day she could do before inviting the others (dds best friend is coming) so imo the other party in your scenario can't be that good a friend.

Family events coming up may be an exception but letting a friend down because you get a better offer is a really shit way to treat others. I wouldn't get too mad about it but I would judge the parent and talk to dd about different types of friends.

I'm genuinely surprised how many shitty people are on mn.

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