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Uni Student: Am I truly boring for not drinking?

(84 Posts)
SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 08:11:22

Hello,
I'm a current university student however, I don't drink for a variety of reasons. I have encountered countless questions over this decision however, I overheard someone talking about me in my room (my room mate and her friends were making pizza at midnight which is in itself annoying, as I was trying to get to sleep...that's a separate question, do I have the right to tell her not to do that again? Or am I overreacting as it was late and I was tired?). They basically said oh 'SoberStudent is so boring...she does nothing, she doesn't go out to clubs, she doesn't get pissed etc etc' it went on and on like this for a while, really rude when I'm awake next door and can hear them. I'm not really friends with my flat mates or room mate, I feel they don't know the real me, so they may see me as boring. I'm more friendly with my coursemates. One girl stood up for me and said I was 'nice'...however I wanted to know, if you were a student, would you view me as boring? Should I just try and forget what they said? I feel like the comment is playing on my mind, I really shouldn't care what they think but I just can't help it 😔

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 06-Feb-18 08:13:35

No, I wouldn't. I also don't drink much & some others saw me as boring. I just wasn't living with 'my' people. I find people who get really pissed really really really boring.

So I'd be your friend. 😀

SavageBeauty73 Tue 06-Feb-18 08:14:00

They are so immature, you need to find other friends. My daughter doesn't want to ever drink (my ex husband is an alcoholic) and she's far from boring.

SilenceIsBroken Tue 06-Feb-18 08:14:32

They sound tedious and shallow if their definition of being interesting = being pissed.

treaclesoda Tue 06-Feb-18 08:15:09

No, ignore them. They're not worth your time. Drinking loads does not make you an interesting entertaining person.

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 06-Feb-18 08:16:20

What can you do sbout the situation? Can you live with other people next year? Join clubs where there will be other like-minded people? Hang out more with your course people?

My advice - get some ear plugs so you can't hear them. Then think about all the things you enjoy doing, go out & find others who enjoy them too. Also make a list of all your options - if you have options & choice you have power to change the situation ion a way that suits you.

TheCowWentMoo Tue 06-Feb-18 08:16:33

No of course not OP! I had plenty of friends who didn't drink at uni, we did other things together other than get pissed and it was never boring, there s a lot more to life than alcohol (and I love to go out). It's much more a reflection of them in the fact that they can't think of anything else to do other than get drunk!

EduCated Tue 06-Feb-18 08:16:39

If they think you’re boring for not drinking, they’re probably not people you’re going to be friends with. They sound rude and unpleasant, but unfortunately you will always come across people like that. There’s no obligation to be friends with your flat mates (though you’d hope they’d be civil), and given the way you get thrown together, actually most people aren’t likely to find their very best friends that way.

This generation is one of the most ‘sober’ with the highest rate of non-drinkers. Have you looked at societies? A lot of places have Sober Social societies popping up, or otherwise societies which are more focused/activity based can be a good way to find like-minded people, or something like volunteering or even part-time work.

mollifly Tue 06-Feb-18 08:16:57

Ignore them - you will find a lot of them will grow out of the drinking whilst you're at university. I don't drink and I'm not boring!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 06-Feb-18 08:17:40

Oh God tbh I would have, as a student, but I was probably one of those twats making pizza at midnight...

As a grown up I now have loads of friends who don't drink and absolutely don't think they're boring - we just do different things.

You could Ignore them, thank the nice girl for sticking up for you (so they all know you heard them and hopefully they'll jack it in) or ask them to do something non drinking centred like cinema or bowling...? Do young uns still go bowling?

I don't think you could ask them not to eat at certain times but you could ask them to keep it down as the walls are thin.

Hope you manage to sort it out. I'm sorry on their behalf as I'd have been mortified if I'd upset someone like you have been. flowers

SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 08:18:20

I feel so stupid for overthinking their comment. But I thought it was just so rude...he's in there disturbing me while I'm trying to get to sleep, using all my kitchen stuff that my room mate appropriates as her own. I really don't like the people I live with, and as you said, I find them boring as they never do the stuff I want to do....they literally spend every night pissed. Everyone before you go to uni says 'oh people don't care if you don't drink....that's a lie. They do, they really do, as I've endured 5 months of endless questions from people trying to force me to drink.

SavageBeauty73....yes that is a similar reason to mine, I know an alcoholic as well and it's enough to put anyone off. I was getting so fed up with endless questions that I even told them that that was one of the reasons I don't drink. They then shrugged it off and still tried to get me to drink on several occasions. Unbelievable, they really don't understand the damage alcohol can do

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail Tue 06-Feb-18 08:18:30

They are being horrid

But making pizza,at midnight after a few drinks sounds fun...you're only young once.

But, yes, live your own life and be yourself. You have found like-minded friends, so focus on them.

I am not sure it is realistic to expect student flat mates to be quiet after 10 or 11, could you maybe move to a flat with more like minded people?

CrabappleBiscuit Tue 06-Feb-18 08:18:42

My niece doesn’t drink much if at all, so she made an effort to do stuff at uni that didn’t involve drinking to make sure she still met people. Quite a lot of overseas students don’t drink much....some do obviously...and she hung out with some Chinese and other students. Also postgraduates can be less drink focused.

Finding some activities outside the flat would be good maybe.

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 06-Feb-18 08:18:44

Just thought of something else. Often what people criticise in others is what they believe or fear about themselves. So your flat mates are v boring, and probably uncomfortable that you seem happy in your own skin. This is their problem. Not yours.

bookwormnerd Tue 06-Feb-18 08:21:36

I was the student who didnt drink, I do still get the question of why am I not drinking now I am in my 30s. To be honest I think its more sad that people think they need alcohol to have fun. I dont care if other drinks but hate I get judged for not. Just ignore them, going clubbing and getting drunk is not what makes an interesting person. Just be yourself. You will find your people

SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 08:22:25

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere. Thank you for your honesty. Also, the thing is I share a room with another girl (long story, clearing and lack of accommodation on results day)...and this was physically mine and her kitchen, they could've gone to the one down the corridor. It's a really weird setup.

Also, for accommodation next year I'm not going to live with them. I'm going to live with two other people from my course...so it's only a matter of getting through this year

SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 08:24:48

@bookwormnerd how did you find uni not drinking? For me, everyone always brings it up all the time, it's quite tiresome as it really shouldn't be that much of a big deal. Also, I have a small group of good friends now but they took a while to find. How long did it take until you felt you were truly settled?

SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 08:28:06

Also, I do stuff outside of the flat. I'm not there all the time. Because I go out and do stuff in the day, I think they just presume I'm working and being boring...they just assume I don't do anything because I'm there every night iyswim

EduCated Tue 06-Feb-18 08:37:02

Very, very few people I know found their group of friends early on. The ones who were a huge happy group of bestest friends by the end of freshers tended to be the ones who had the most spectacular fallouts by the end of first year. Usually after they had all signed contracts to live together in second year.

Generally it seems to be the friendships made in second year and beyond which are the ones that stick, generally because you had a greater element of house in becoming friends rather than just being chucked together in a room.

Generally everyone spends so much of first year absolutely shitting it and trying to compete to be the most ok, the most settled and the most absolutely chilled with university life that you tend to cling to those around you. Once you start to settle (properly settle, towards the end of first year or even second year), that’s when people tend to relax and realise they don’t have so much in common, and gravitate more towards those that they do.

Topseyt Tue 06-Feb-18 08:47:45

They are the boring and inadequate ones, not you.

I remember my student days back in the mid eighties. In some groups there was the expectation of getting pissed and partying wildly all night every night. It made me very uncomfortable. I don't mind the odd drink, but can't abide drunken behaviour or feeling out of control.

There were groups who were much less into drinking, but you had to seek them out.

It's a shame you have ended up with such a test for a roommate. Just get through the rest of this term (and year) day by day. Spend as little time in the company of your roommate and her ilk as possible. Work in the library, meet your friendly course mates, go to some societies that interest you.

Focus on the knowledge that you will be out of the situation for good at the end of the year and mark off the days. Hopefully next year things can only get better.

Topseyt Tue 06-Feb-18 08:48:55

Twat for a roommate! Auto-correct again.

oddexperience Tue 06-Feb-18 08:54:13

At uni as well atm. I also don't drink and it is a pain in the arse. Although my flat mates seem to be okay with it it is frustrated that there is little to do here that doesn't involve getting drunk (campus uni far out from anything else) stick with it. Hang out with your course mates. Some people suck unfortunately 😕 hope it looks up soon. Sometimes uni isn't all it's cracked up to be

nosyupnorth Tue 06-Feb-18 08:55:18

I would say set the drinking issue aside and ask yourself if you are being boring to them.
It's not necessarily a criticism of you, just a perspective. They find you boring because you have no shared interests, and honestly it sounds like you look down on the things that they like too. There's nothing wrong with different people having different tastes.

But also, you might want to acknowledge that you're living with other people and that requires compromise. Was the pizza at midnight thing on a weekend or a weekday? And was the noise normal cooking and conversation, or loud music and yelling? It's one thing to ask that they be quiet (not silent) at a reasonable time if you have a 9am class the next morning, but it is their home too and they should be allowed to have fun on weekends and not just sit in silence because that's how you like it. If there are thin walls that's not their fault. Ear plugs might be a worthwhile investment if you want it to be very quiet all the time.

I was never much of a drinker and I settled in with a group of friends who preferred movie marathons to clubbing, but I also had a much better time in halls that some of my friends because I accepted the fact that my randomly assigned first year flatmates had a different lifestyle to me and we all compromised to create a living situation that suited everybody, rather than me getting upset that they wouldn't all bend to my preferences or judging them for getting drunk.

If you've found your people, you don't need to be best friends with your flatmates, it sounds like the problem is more about a need for mutual respect and consideration.

Emma71992 Tue 06-Feb-18 09:01:59

I had a similar experience, i'm not a heavy drinker and never used to go clubbing etc at uni as i got quite bad social anxiety plus didn't get on with my housemates. You're not boing, find other things to do like clubs, societies, sport and spend more time with your coursemates. You'll find someone you get on with soon enough.

SoberStudent Tue 06-Feb-18 09:04:13

Yes we don't have any shared interests...and I do understand why I must seem boring to them. I've been out with them a few times clubbing trying to enjoy myself, but I honestly don't like it.
I'm not looking down on them, I promise, and I hope it's not coming across in that way as I honestly don't mind them drinking. I have nothing against that, what I do object to and dislike is them trying to force drink upon me when it's my decision not to drink. I only look down on them for not respecting that,

I think I need to clarify the living situation. Basically me and my room mate share a room. The room contains, shared bedroom, share bathroom and shared kitchen. They were using our shared kitchen...I don't see why they can't use their own kitchen down the corridor, especially when they knew I was trying to get to sleep as I have an early start and a lot of work in the at the moment. So, although my first lecture is at ten, I've been trying to finish an essay since seven in the morning. I think I'm perhaps overreacting on this front due to lack of sleep and perhaps being a bit grumpy 😂

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