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I'm not. Dh is dead to me

(272 Posts)
MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 20:56:57

He just went and got me a cup of tea and a hot cross bun. He only put butter one one side. One fucking side angry. What sort of deviant eats hot cross buns either a) without butter, or b) like a sandwich. I'm ltb.

MrsPicklesonSmythe Mon 05-Feb-18 20:58:02


TovaGoldCoin Mon 05-Feb-18 20:58:06

Oh dear. I'll make up my spare room. Yiu can have all the salted butter you like.

Shockers Mon 05-Feb-18 20:58:25

No one would blame you.

NeilPetark Mon 05-Feb-18 20:59:03


ShimmeringBollox Mon 05-Feb-18 20:59:25

What. A. Cunt. <<holds Op’s Hand>>

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 20:59:35

Hadn't thought as far as murder. Well, since there's nothing on the telly...

FarmerSee Mon 05-Feb-18 20:59:43


See a solicitor pronto... you get the first half hour for free you know

ALemonyPea Mon 05-Feb-18 21:00:23

Log it with 101, just in case.

ohlalalala Mon 05-Feb-18 21:00:30

What a dick

GreenTulips Mon 05-Feb-18 21:01:22

Bit cold to dig up the patio

Have you thought about clif diving?

FiveLittlePigs Mon 05-Feb-18 21:01:25

Butter on just one side? Does he like sleeping outside? confused

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:01:31

Is the solicitor for divorce or defense? Either way my evening's getting busier than I planned...

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Mon 05-Feb-18 21:01:49

Back the fuck up.

Hot cross buns in February?

Are you the sort of sick fucker who buys Christmas chocolate in August and puts their tree up on Bonfire Night????

WordWeasel Mon 05-Feb-18 21:02:01



dontbesillyhenry Mon 05-Feb-18 21:02:31

Surely there should be a trigger warning in the title ?

Skiiltan Mon 05-Feb-18 21:02:34

Why are you eating hot cross buns in February? Do you grumble if he doesn't put brandy butter on the Christmas pudding he brings you in October?

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:02:56

I would have said give him the death sentence but he used butter not marg so just LTB.

nocoolnamesleft Mon 05-Feb-18 21:03:10

I have two flavours of hot cross buns, and a spare room. LTB.

Redglitter Mon 05-Feb-18 21:03:34

Have you tried Tesco chocolate chip & salted caramel Hot cross buns. They're amazing

(Somewhat missing the point)

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:03:40

Johnny tis my one aberration, I am a stickler in all other festive merriments.

Rebeccaslicker Mon 05-Feb-18 21:03:52

Are these the M&S salty caramel and chocolate hot cross buns?

If so, no butter needed so YABU.

If not, you are the deviant for eating something with raisins/sultanas in it, and YABU!!

PragmaticWench Mon 05-Feb-18 21:04:04

Is he deviant in other ways? He sounds subversive...

falsepriest Mon 05-Feb-18 21:04:47

Bought my first HCBs of the year today. Can’t wait to toast them for breakfast in the morning.

mumpoints Mon 05-Feb-18 21:06:17

LTB (Leave the bun.) (Well, the side without butter anyway.)

Hotdoggity Mon 05-Feb-18 21:06:22

Do you have individually wrapped butter in your own home? I want that!

SleightOfMind Mon 05-Feb-18 21:07:00

Don’t let him know you’re on to him. You need to play your cards close to your chest.
Get copies of important papers & evidence of finances.

Then buy some scones and catch the evil bastard red handed. He’ll only minimise or deny it unless you confront him with irrefutable evidence.

I think you should be prepared to discover he’s been putting the milk in first for some time now too sad

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:07:03

He is usually incredibly boring solid, Pragmatic. That's why I feel so betrayed, I thought I could trust him sad

Pettyspaghetti Mon 05-Feb-18 21:07:23

You definitely have a DH problem, LTB. flowers

mumonashoestring Mon 05-Feb-18 21:07:55

Are these the M&S salty caramel and chocolate hot cross buns?

Speaking of deviants... grin Filth.

Gallymum1 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:08:24

Whoa let’s not be too hasty here.....the man made you a cup of tea AND a hot cross bun. I don’t think mine even knows we have a kettle 🤔

FarmerSee Mon 05-Feb-18 21:08:26

Have you tried Tesco chocolate chip & salted caramel Hot cross buns. They're amazing

Oh my
< salivating profusely >

Mrsfluff Mon 05-Feb-18 21:08:55

Book yourself a spa day, using his credit card, Hun xxx

Gazelda Mon 05-Feb-18 21:09:00

Fuck me! Chocolate chip and salted caramel?!!!!!

GrouchyKiwi Mon 05-Feb-18 21:09:21

Hot cross buns are the best thing about Easter and the sooner they're in the shops the happier the world is.

OP: your H is very unreasonable and I hope this isn't the thin end of the wedge; does he give you small slices of cake too?

GabsAlot Mon 05-Feb-18 21:09:21

as long as its not blue cake

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:09:34

I may have tipped my hand, Sleight, as I banshee shrieked at him and buttered the poor beleaguered sides.

He's lamenting his lack of butter now. obviously punishing him by not buttering his sides. Ooh er

ThatsWotSheSaid Mon 05-Feb-18 21:10:49

He is gaslighting you LTB

Moussemoose Mon 05-Feb-18 21:11:29

I love it when DP butters my bap.

ChardonnaysPrettySister Mon 05-Feb-18 21:11:47

Why on Earth are you all scoffing hot cross buns in February?

Have you no shame?

Hoppinggreen Mon 05-Feb-18 21:12:12

Oh Bugger I’m going to have to go to M&S tomorrow now just to get some chocolate and caramel hot cross buns, and it’s supposed to snow here!!
I blame your DH for this OP so I will assist in any nefarious plans you may have.
I will be eating them with BOTH sides smothered in unsalted Le President butter in case anyone is interested

MrsDc7 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:12:26

Omg eats a hot cross bun like a sandwich THAT IS INSANITY

GrouchyKiwi Mon 05-Feb-18 21:12:41

If eating hot cross buns in February is wrong then I never want to be right.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:12:48

I think your relationship can be saved OP - he was probably brought up wrong but you have now showed him the way.

You need to test his learning by asking him to bring you another bun. See how he performs....

And then, if necessary, another bun....etc

fruitbrewhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:12:52

I expect he's telling you he did nothing wrong too, that this is normal, he is gaslighting you.

5BlueHydrangea Mon 05-Feb-18 21:13:34

I'm a rebel, I eat them all year round!!
Waitrose do some rather lovely ones with Apple in, mmmm..

HandMsMonkey Mon 05-Feb-18 21:13:36

What a fucking liberty!

Sweetpea55 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:13:39

Unbelievable.. What's the matter with the man???.

fruitbrewhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:13:57


Are we long lost cousins?

motherofyorkies Mon 05-Feb-18 21:14:11

Clearly, you need to contact Women's Aid as soon as possible.

Start getting your ducks in a row.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

gillybombilly Mon 05-Feb-18 21:14:46

shock This is outrageous, but on the plus side, it's something that you can upcast for years to come in future arguments.

GwenStaceyRocks Mon 05-Feb-18 21:15:10

I so want a hot cross bun now sad That's your DH's fault too. He just brings misery wherever he is mentioned.

SillyBub Mon 05-Feb-18 21:15:14

FFS. I thought I'd fought off the munchie urges I've had since I finished my dinner. But now I need a hcb. Even worse, we have them in the house. AND we have salted butter. Your utter bastard of a husband.

Oh and in other completely unrelated news; my patio is very large and has some very loose slabs.

Lambside Mon 05-Feb-18 21:15:39

Hot cross buns in February is totally different from other seasonally inappropriate food.
Because they are yummy.

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:15:44

Fruitbrew he had the good sense to look at my second buttered side longingly while eating his sandwich style abomination. It will be a long road, but there could be hope... <wistful>

londonrach Mon 05-Feb-18 21:16:23

Why on earth are you ruining a hot cross bun with butter!!!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:17:20

Well Fruitbrewhaha we could be - my branch of the family adopted the "brou" in an attempt to be poshe....

MuncheysMummy Mon 05-Feb-18 21:18:35

OP have you tried Booths hot cross buns? They do Sultana and Apple,St Clements,Belgian chocolate and fudge and my absolute favourite ginger and dark Belgian chocolate hot cross buns they are to die for! I bulk buy them and freeze them when they are on sale as they only sell them for about 6 weeks a year I became obsessed by them when pregnant and it's never gone blush

Lottieskeeper Mon 05-Feb-18 21:20:33

At least you could send him back to butter the other half so you could enjoy your hot cross bun.
My twat of a DH brought me an un toasted but buttered hot crossed bun! There's no way to put that right. I can't forgive such behaviour.
Seperate beds tonight I'm seeing a divorce solicitor in the morning.

fruitbrewhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:20:36

Didn't work, did it?

longta Mon 05-Feb-18 21:20:58

D H puts jam on them.

cornishmumtobe Mon 05-Feb-18 21:22:11

My DP eats hot cross buns all year round.

He takes an excruciatingly long time to tediously spread the butter on every crumb of every half. --
Sometimes I want to stab him with the knife as it makes my brain itch watching the buns go cold whilst he spreads and scrapes for hours to get an even distribution of butter and leaving crumbs ALL over the side and in the grill pan for muggins here to clean up.

Well, it used to bother me but having read your OP I clearly have things better than I thought....


Ladymadness Mon 05-Feb-18 21:22:17

I have never eaten a hot cross bun with butter on it shock i didnt even know that was a thing!
Please dont kill me blush

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 05-Feb-18 21:22:31

Sadly we are constantly let down by our plebeian tastes.

Still, we butter our buns properly.

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:22:41

longta, I hope you have an exit strategy in place flowers

ForalltheSaints Mon 05-Feb-18 21:23:28

We have not had Shrove Tuesday yet. Not given up anything for Lent. So we should not be eating Hot Cross Buns at all.

On Good Friday I will have one or two with butter and marmalade, but not before.

cornishmumtobe Mon 05-Feb-18 21:23:48

Ladymadness, I'm sorry but you have to leave.

There is simply no excuse for your bun destroying eating habits.

WallaceSimpson Mon 05-Feb-18 21:24:11

Did he give it to you closed 'sandwich style' because if there's like loads of butter on one side then I could just about forgive that. But if he gave it to you open and one side all dry and miserable I'd have to cut him.

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:26:16

No, Wallace, it was presented as a sandwich but with a slightly light regular amount of butter on one side. Definitely not enough for a sharing situation.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread Mon 05-Feb-18 21:26:59

I like lemon cheese on mine

JanetStWalker Mon 05-Feb-18 21:27:01



Rudi44 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:28:53

((Hugs)). I can't even imagine what you are going through. My suggestion is to keep a diary and note down any further incidents. Do you have family you could stay with whilst you work out what to do?

longta Mon 05-Feb-18 21:31:20

Mulhuddart, you are so kind to think about me when your own life is falling apart.

MrsMozart Mon 05-Feb-18 21:32:56

Don't dig your patio up - I'll dump him under the muckheap. At least then he'll have a use...

Systemoverload99 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:33:29

Hot cross bun loaf has completed my life. We can get through a loaf in one sitting blush

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 21:35:58

longta, we need to support each other through these dark days

SleightOfMind Mon 05-Feb-18 21:38:58

He’s lamenting his lack of butter now

And so the Victim Shaming begins. angry

Stay strong. Do you want your DCs to grow up thinking this is acceptable?

Mumsnet is behind you.

Weezol Mon 05-Feb-18 21:45:59

flowers For you OP, with Unmumsnetty hugz x

petbear Mon 05-Feb-18 21:48:32

Evil abomination of a husband.

Vile. Leave, and run, as fast as you can. And never go back.. Ever.


MrsDeaconClaybourne Mon 05-Feb-18 21:48:56

Many, many years ago when I hadn't even started going out with X I called round at his student house for a cuppa. He asked if I wanted a hot cross bun. I said yes and he put one on the table with my tea, completely untouched- not sliced, buttered or anything shockI sat for a while thinking he was going to put out a knife and butter for me to do my own. Eventually I realised that was it and I ate my sad, dry bun. It was actually a very apt metaphor for our future relationship and I should have heeded the warning!

TheNoodlesIncident Mon 05-Feb-18 21:49:18

M&S have a variety called Mini Breakfast Loaves of hot cross bun. I saw them <shaking slightly>

Unfortunately for me, I'm on a diet and such delights are not permissable, but everyone else can benefit in my stead

MY patio is being pushed up with roots from next door's cherry tree, so I'm sure any corpses-who-got-what-they-deserved can be installed underneath and no eyebrows raised.

kateandme Mon 05-Feb-18 21:50:44

do people only butter one slice of the bread in a sandwhich?

CoolCarrie Mon 05-Feb-18 21:52:21

Pray tell where can we get Booths hot cross buns? They sound brilliant!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Mon 05-Feb-18 21:53:15

Need. Hot. Cross. Buns.

AnnieAnoniMouse Mon 05-Feb-18 21:53:34

Fuck me. This should have had a ‘trigger’warning in the title 😡

I assumed he’d left the loo seat up or forgotten to break wine home...

I had no idea it would involve carbs. Lovely, lovely HCB flavoured carbs... <drools>

I’ll just go and rock in the corner, don’t mind me. Me & my low carbing misery...

...and no, I don’t want more buttery vegetables instead. Thanks.

(low carbing to avoid medication so it’s not negotiable, sadly)

But on the bright side, veggie patch needs digging over & fertilising...

Yettilegs11 Mon 05-Feb-18 21:54:03

My God what has the world come to -clutches- -pearls- this will be in the daily fail tomorrow their -journalists- apprentices will be up all night making note of the deviant behaviour.

I’m sorry I can’t get passed whispers unsalted butter... faint

windchimesabotage Mon 05-Feb-18 21:56:59

that is a massive red flag. Hes probs a serial killer. Id leave in the night and go to a safe place. Pass on this info to the police so they can stop him before he spreads his weird teacake ideas to anyone else

shinywhiteteeth Mon 05-Feb-18 21:59:55

The concrete lorry arrives tomorrow for our extension foundations - bring the rest of the buns and a slab of butter and I will deny seeing anything 😂

PollyCotton Mon 05-Feb-18 22:00:46

I read the OP to DH, assuming he'd share the horror. Apparently he's eaten them like a sandwich before & "it's actually quite nice that way when it's not toasted." Not toasted?! I can't stand them myself but even I know the correct procedure for preparing HCBs - cut in half, toast & slather butter on quick so it goes all melty. I had no idea anyone didn't do this!

MuncheysMummy Mon 05-Feb-18 22:01:24

CoolCarrie Booths is a family owned small chain of high end small supermarkets in Lancashire! Google Booths supermarkets they are of a similar ilk to Waitrose/M&S food but all about expensive delicious food locally produced etc etc they produce the most amazing 'Booths book' each Christmas which is sent out to Booths card holders it's actually a brochure for ordering Christmas food but honestly it's more like a coffee table hardback book full of glossy pics of food! Must cost a bomb to make but then the food is £££££

JoeyMaynardssolidlump Mon 05-Feb-18 22:01:56

Has he apologised though?

GwenStaceyRocks Mon 05-Feb-18 22:02:29

I just had to dig out the Christmas panettone. It's the closest I have to a hot cross bun . . . and it's not close enough <wails>

MrsMoastyToasty Mon 05-Feb-18 22:04:12

If he's like that about hot cross buns in dread to think what he puts on pancakes.

Ellie56 Mon 05-Feb-18 22:04:13


martellandginger Mon 05-Feb-18 22:05:34

At the very least you need to have a talk with him.

Is he lazy in other ways? Does he stir the sugar in your tea or just drop it in?

GreenTulips Mon 05-Feb-18 22:05:43

If off for dripping in toast with salt in top ..... DH is packing his bags in disgust

Win/win grin

MulhuddartDrive Mon 05-Feb-18 22:06:56

Joey, he did apologise, but tbh, it was a bit self serving, more sorry for himself that he was jealous of my butter correction.

Oh, and for the butter debate, ours is proper Irish salted butter <licks lips>. in all honesty, the hcb is merely a butter delivery system

PutDownThatLaptop Mon 05-Feb-18 22:07:38

I'm so sorry, OP, but he is not your 'D'H, he is simply your H.
How could he do this to you?

Gingaaarghpussy Mon 05-Feb-18 22:13:04

What about if your seriously narked bunny has lashing of butter on both sides and is then stuck back together? Or 2 stuck together, lashing of butter both sides and stuck back together, so it takes less time to eat 4 so no one knows you have them?

Gingaaarghpussy Mon 05-Feb-18 22:14:29


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