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(37 Posts)
Whatwouldyou Mon 05-Feb-18 04:39:24

Name changed for that and will do my best to not drip feed. It's not my story but I was a part of the discussion and it looks like my opinion wasn't that popular so maybe I am just the weird minority.
An acquaintance of mine, let's call her Ann went to a cafe with her child who is 3. He is a "lively" boy (which to me always sounds as an euphemism for being bold). He went to play in the kids corner of the cafe, brought some toys to the table and as they were leaving, ran out on the street. She was just about to return one the toy cars back to the kids area so she left it on the windowsill outside the cafe and ran to catch him.
The waitress went to fetch the car and told her that that kind of behaviour is bad as they leave toys everywhere and tidying up the toys after misbehaving children shouldn't be her job and the kids corner is a mess. Ann ironically suggested that if the waitress looks after her child she will go and tidy up the toys in the corner.
Ann was all upset because she believes the waitress was rude and complained to the owner.
There was a heated discussion where one side was supportive of Ann, saying if restaurants want to keep the families as clients they are expected to tidy up after kids.
The other side would say that it is really disrespectful to not only staff but also other guests to leave toys everywhere and it should be normal to teach your children to clean up their mess. It's also dangerous to leave toys around the restaurant as the waiter could step on them. Ann's DS also tends to run around the restaurant which she begrudgingly acknowledges isn't the best scenario.
What do you think?

SD1978 Mon 05-Feb-18 05:09:46

Ann. She has a child she can’t control who destroys things and makes a mess. She can make as many excuses as she wants, but a toys area is a privilege, not a right and basic decency surely says that you clean up after your child. But it seems not many people have basic decency anymore!

Shoxfordian Mon 05-Feb-18 05:13:46

Ann is not controlling her child properly

Letting him run around the cafe; run out into the street; making a mess of the toys. She needs to learn how to parent

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 05-Feb-18 05:23:21

Ann is BU. Yes, the priority was getting her child, not clearing toys, at that exact moment but she should have gone back and finished.

FrancisCrawford Mon 05-Feb-18 05:28:24


She needs to ensure her child doesn’t run around in a cafe and tidies up after himself. And she really needs to make sure he doesn’t bolt into the street.

MrsCrabbyTree Mon 05-Feb-18 05:34:45

It's never to early to show and teach little ones good manners and consideration and appreciation. They learn by watching how adults behave. Can you tell that I also tidy up toys in a public place?

If a toddler ran outside, yes, I would make their safety a priority, but then I would bring them back inside to put the toys they played with back in their spot.

RadioGaGoo Mon 05-Feb-18 05:38:36

Didn't Anne just need to explain that she was in the process of returning the toys when she had to get her son and fully intended to come back to finish after she had done so?

Mountain out of a molehill on both sides.

KayaG Mon 05-Feb-18 05:40:22

Ann is being VU. She should supervise her child and not let him run around the cafe. Very poor. She should also clean up his mess. I'd be too embarrassed to go outwith her again.

BoomBoomsCousin Mon 05-Feb-18 05:50:53

As a general rule kids should take the toys back to the kids area and keep it basically tidy. But there will occasionally be a bit of a situation where there a parent needs a helping hand, or a little time - going after an escaping child is one of those times. So if Ann came back and the waitress you'd had a go at her, I think she's right - the waitress was rude. In any case, a waitress probably shouldn't be complaining that it "isn't her job" to the customers (save that for management). She should explain the cafe's policy, not bitch about her job. Ann's response was ruder, though.

A child that can't be stopped from running around a cafe shouldn't be taken to them - it's not safe.

babyccinoo Mon 05-Feb-18 05:52:42

Ann is BU. I get that she couldn't leave her 3yo outside but if she can't manage his behaviour, then it's unfair to inflict him on the public. If I was the owner, I would ban her as the running child could cause an accident with hot drinks.

BusyBeez99 Mon 05-Feb-18 05:59:49

This is why these play cafes are awful. Children shouldn't be encouraged to run wild. I'm not saying they should sit silent at the table but they should be at least sitting at the table learning manners.

We have a lovely cafe near us that I now can't visit due to the ill mannered children in there with the parents who park prams everywhere and nurse one coffee for hours

Whatwouldyou Mon 05-Feb-18 06:03:54

Thank you. I wasn't excusing the waitress's behaviour but still thought Ann's actions were wrong. Still, the sense of entitlement and the attitude her supporters displayed left me flabbergasted and almost doubting my judgment.

emmyrose2000 Mon 05-Feb-18 06:09:28

Ann is 100% wrong. I can't stand "parents" like her.

RingFence Mon 05-Feb-18 06:28:03

Ann was right to prioritise her child's safety. She couldn't leave him outside while she tidied up. And she obviously was tidying up or she wouldn't have had to put the cars on the windowsill!

A play area usually means child friendly. It's good manners to tidy up and put toys away, but some noise and mess is to be expected with toddlers!

babyccinoo Mon 05-Feb-18 06:31:33

RingFence, if she can't her child to help tidy up, she shouldn't be taking him to the cafe.

flumpybear Mon 05-Feb-18 06:38:47

My 5 year old is like her little boy - they wear you out! I do get him to tidy toys tho where there's a toys corner which he does do on the whole, but sometimes if he's playing up all I want to do is get him home to safety bomb proof house!

liminality Mon 05-Feb-18 06:43:12

I worked in cafes for years and there are always those terrors that fell that just cause there are toys in a cafe that their kids can go sick and yell, fight, leave a mess. These are the same parents that let their kids drop food all over the floor and smear it into furniture and never even leave a tip because 'the waitress is being paid to clean it up'. It's horrid.
It's also gross to leave all your face wipes and other stuff on the table or jammed into coffee cups. Go put them in the bin in the bathroom when you wash your hands! I've even had someone leave a dirty nappy on the table when they left!!!!

I am not against kids coming out to restaurants, I even approve of them in fancy restaurants, but socialise them properly and teach them table manners. Kids are totally capable of understanding the difference between indoor and outdoor play, and home and public behaviours.

That said, those kind of parents usually don't have any manners anyway so not likely the kids will pick some up.

flumpybear Mon 05-Feb-18 06:45:01

Sorry just reread your post, the child was in danger and the waitress had a go saying it's bad behaviour?! Clearly she doesn't have experience of live wire children - her son was in danger!!

OP. If she was struggling with her child why didn't you offer to help?

ThisMorningWentBadly Mon 05-Feb-18 06:45:02

Ann should invest in reins.

jarhead123 Mon 05-Feb-18 06:45:22

If Ann's 3 year old is running out onto the street she has bigger issues than dealing with the cafe!

Ann is BU

catsarenice Mon 05-Feb-18 06:53:12

@liminality - I think saying people can't leave baby wipes on the tray is going too far!! If there's a bin nearby then, yes but if there's not then surely you don't expect people to carry them with them and find a toilet with a bin in?! I always wipe down the highchair and clear up any food dropped on the floor but then put the wipes with the remaining waste eg banana skins, yogurt pots and used napkins on the tray. (Obviously leaving nappies is disgusting)

babyccinoo Mon 05-Feb-18 07:05:32

Sorry just reread your post, the child was in danger and the waitress had a go saying it's bad behaviour?! Clearly she doesn't have experience of live wire children - her son was in danger!!

She needs to teach her child to tidy up, or help tidy up, and also not to run out into street.

OP. If she was struggling with her child why didn't you offer to help?

Why do you think OP was there? Sounds to me OP heard of this, probably on Facebook.

Whatwouldyou Mon 05-Feb-18 09:31:46

I wasn't there. I am in a group where a Mum came with this post and it really got me thinking because most of Mums were of the opinion that you are entitled to do whatever you like in a restaurant and the staff should just swallow it. Have to say, I was horrified.

flumpybear Mon 05-Feb-18 16:22:24

*Baby -*I suspect you either don't have children or haven't had a live wire kid before - they're not robots some kids are very difficult, I literally have to frog march my 5 year old .... he's boisterous and a big kid - not always a sweetie dumpling!

chuckiecheese Mon 05-Feb-18 16:26:03

Entitled parenting, kids sounds like a nightmare unless it was a one off!

Some kids have off days but from her reaction she seems over defensive tbh.

Loads of kids like this, especially boys who seem to be allowed to misbehave under the euphemism 'boys will be boys' 😉

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