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To end a relationship over these reasons

(36 Posts)
BehindThecamera Mon 05-Feb-18 00:26:41

I feel like I’ve had enough but thought I’d get other opinions.

He’s lazy around the house, will happily walk past rubbish on the floor/any mess, will stuff the kitchen bin full of rubbish instead of emptying it, leaves his clothes all over the landing or his side of the bed then asks “where’s this where’s that”, smokes outside the front door and just throws his fag butts on the lawn when I’ve left an ash tray for him to use, basically does pretty much no housework will occasionally run the hoover around downstairs, when he washes up things are still left dirty, never cooks, won’t go food shopping says he doesn’t know how or what things to get. He allowed a fine to mount up which ended up with the bailiffs at my door.

We never have sex anymore, he doesn’t seem to fussed about it either, I’m bored and I want to feel attractive and loved instead of a boring chubby Mum.

I’ve been at work this afternoon and after coming home tonight the house a mess and him lying on the sofa I just feel like I’ve had enough and would actually rather be a single Mum. Every time he finishes work his tea is waiting and the house is tidy.

Then there’s a part of me that thinks, he does go to work and earns money, he’s a good dad and we can have a laugh together. I think seeing my own mums failed relationships a man that actually works seems to be something you should be grateful for in itself!

Any advice before I speak to him tomorrow!

Greensleeves Mon 05-Feb-18 00:32:07

He's not a good dad when he's treating his children's mother like a skivvy. His behaviour is incredibly disrespectful, and I assume he knows it's making you unhappy? No wonder you're not having sex with him. No bigger turn-off than a man who lives like a pig.

I don't know how much discussion there has already been about this, or how aware he is of how close he is to losing you. So I can't decide whether or not one last ultimatum is in order. If it is, it would need to be pretty detailed; he'd have to listen, really listen, to a full account of what he is doing wrong and the effect it is having on you, then agree to concrete changes which he will take full responsibility for. No nagging, no reminders, no "I did everything else you wanted, sheesh" comments. He changes his ways and treats you with love and respect, or he fucks off and doesn't come back.

If you've already had that conversation, and he's still a pig, then that would be the end of it for me.

dirtywindows Mon 05-Feb-18 00:40:36

What green said

BehindThecamera Mon 05-Feb-18 00:43:47

Thank you! We have spoke about it a lot, I said to him tonight I make sure all housework is done if I’ve been at home in the day, he had the sink with plates soakinghmm. After I mentioned that he goes downstairs and just does the washing up, but leaves a jug that he’d cooked beans in to soak... like really?? It’s laughable!

I’ve spoke to him so many times in the last also about our sex life and it’s never changed, I’ve said I don’t bother now because it makes me feel like shit. And now I don’t actually want to sleep with him, just feel like he’s a lodger.

Greensleeves Mon 05-Feb-18 00:45:33

Honestly, he sounds like a massive drain on your energy. I'd be making exit plans if I were you.

You may even get on better as co-parents when you're getting your needs met elsewhere and not cleaning up after him all the time.

adayatthebeach Mon 05-Feb-18 00:49:14

Life’s too short to live like that I know! Do what will make you happy. A happy mum will have happier children!

ClemDanfango Mon 05-Feb-18 00:55:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ferrier Mon 05-Feb-18 00:58:49

If you don't want to sleep with him it's time to leave.

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats Mon 05-Feb-18 00:59:49

He’s not a good dad because of the way he habitually treats you. You are not a good mum because you allow your child/ren to see it.

One of the hardest jobs parents have is to show their children how to have a good life by role modelling it. I bet you send your child to school, so they can get an education and have choices in life. I bet you tell your child not to steal from shops, because you want them to be law abiding and not end up in prison.

What do you teach your child about the roles of men and women in relationships by putting up with this situation?

The most important decision someone can make is who they choose to bring into their lives, and who they have their children with. Too many women choose the wrong man. If you have a daughter she will learn to repeat your mistakes. If you have a son, he will learn from his dad.

Teach your children that this is not good enough, by not putting up with it anymore.

BehindThecamera Mon 05-Feb-18 01:07:34

Completely agree with you. His dad was here the other day saying how is wife isn’t very well and complaining that’s having to make his own cups of tea!

Ellie56 Mon 05-Feb-18 01:52:44

Time to dump this waste of space OP.

Lairyfights Mon 05-Feb-18 02:08:18

You can end a relationship for whatever reason you like. If you’re not happy, leave. It isn’t fair on you, your children or him. Everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them feel loved and respected.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Mon 05-Feb-18 02:52:04

Do you really want him in 10/20 years time? No? Thought not...

He either needs to change drastically or you need to make plans to leave!

Aquamarine1029 Mon 05-Feb-18 04:01:28

You know what you need to do. Just end it already.

letsdolunch321 Mon 05-Feb-18 04:10:06

What a wonderful role model he will be to your dc.

I am surprised you didn’t mention his hygiene habits am sure they sre as vile as he sounds.

I would seperate in the first instance from him. Reading what you wrote I can only imagine the resentment you feel towards him will only get worse

notangelinajolie Mon 05-Feb-18 04:10:35

The smoking would be enough for me. He sounds disgusting.

Bowerbird5 Mon 05-Feb-18 04:29:17

He won't get any better!

Shoxfordian Mon 05-Feb-18 05:23:30

He's obviously learnt this behaviour from his father then

Don't put up with this nonsense any longer

Abracadabraapileofbollocks Mon 05-Feb-18 06:31:58

If you'd rather be without him. Be without him. That is enough. Too many feel they have to support these phemomenal layabouts.
You don't have to justify your reasons. He's not good enough for you.

April229 Mon 05-Feb-18 07:03:51

If you have already had the conversations you have mentioned here with him, I really would end the relationship now.

BartholinsSister Mon 05-Feb-18 07:50:55

The dilemma facing people in unsatisfactory relationships is whether it's bad enough to sacrifice involvement with your children for three or four days a week (or however long the other parent agrees to have them) .

BehindThecamera Mon 05-Feb-18 09:14:22

Thanks all. He knows I’m not happy he’s been trying to hug me and not moving out my way all morning, I told him no and that I’ve had enough and he just grabs my ass trying to be funny!

I don’t get paid for another 2 weeks and have no money for food shopping bills, I think it might be risky telling him I want to split up right now else trying to get him to pay for bills etc will be a nightmare! I really don’t want him to be here but luckily he doesn’t come near me too much and we don’t sleep in the same bed thank god, I know once I tell him I want to split it will be oh well I’m going to have to save up before I move out anyway! 😩.

gamerchick Mon 05-Feb-18 09:36:07

bills, I think it might be risky telling him I want to split up right now else trying to get him to pay for bills etc will be a nightmare!

He would do that to his own kids? Is that the sign of a good dad?

midnightmisssuki Mon 05-Feb-18 09:44:59

Sorry to hear OP - sounds awful. And i hate the whole 'grabbing the arse' this - just trying to minimize how you really feel. I hate hate hate men who do this - why cant they take anything seriously!

I would leave - life is so short and he is not treating you well at all. Do you want your children to follow in this mans footsteps? He is obviously treating how how his father treats his mother, so maybe some of the blame lies there.

Good luck OP.

HectorlovesKiki Mon 05-Feb-18 11:40:20

NO YANBU. You ARE a single mum, you've just got one more child than you thought. You call yourself "A boring and chubby Mum" but in reality, you are ground down with it all, he doesn't support you, doesn't respect you and he is one lazy, selfish low life. Bailiffs at the door? It's no wonder you are fed up and have no confidence or self esteem. Stop making his tea and being a complete doormat. Sex? Ha, ha! Don't stay with this horrible, energy depleting, life sucking creep. I wish you well in your endeavours.

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