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To be upset by this?

(64 Posts)
Namechangeuser Sun 04-Feb-18 20:22:48

Ok, I'll start with a disclaimer, I'm 7 months pregnant, and therefore may be being unreasonable, although I am genuinely quite upset and not sure if others would be too.

It's also regrettably a mil one.

Mil calls twice a week to speak to my 1 year old, she facetimes and DD is often not really aware what's going on, dh takes the calls so it's not something I'm really involved in and if he's happy to do it then it's fine by me

This evening she has called, and during her chat the conversation goes along the lines of:

Mil: oh I hear her saying mumma alot, have you deciphered what that means, or is it nothing?
Dh: well no she mean namechangeuser, she can also say bye bye.
Mil: oh right...well I'll decipher anything she says as Nana anyway.

It's really upset me. Me and mil are not close. I've known her for 11 years and she has never warmed to me, and treats me like a stranger most of the time.

She's never once asked me throughout my entire pregnancy if I'm doing ok. She never says anything about me doing a good job with DD, it's like I don't exist. DD started to sleep through the night recently and her response was "oh well don't hold your breath".

I don't have a close relationship with my own mum which mil is well aware of.

Aibu to be upset by her comments? It feels as though she has taken away or at the very least, completely diminished DD first word being mumma, and makes me feel so unimportant as a part of the family

I'm a stay at home mum, I live and breath for DD, I'm a good wife, iv never done anything that I know of to upset her. Why would you not say "oh mumma, how lovely" or something nice?


Nicknacky Sun 04-Feb-18 20:25:30

I think she was just making a bad joke and you are being over sensitive.

I've not once had family members comment on how good a job I doing with my kids and I wouldn't expect them to at all. I'm just doing what millions of other people are doing everyday.

LindySprint Sun 04-Feb-18 20:28:22

No you're not being 'over sensitive' if someone can't 'decipher' 'mumma'. She's being obtuse.

TheAntiBoop Sun 04-Feb-18 20:28:46

I think you may be a bit over sensitive here. It sounds like a joke

Could it be that you are projecting onto her the disappointment you feel towards your mother?

Bunbunbunny Sun 04-Feb-18 20:28:59

She’s just being a bitch, ignore her

Fitbitironic Sun 04-Feb-18 20:30:08

She's just being self centered. I'd ignore it.

Greensleeves Sun 04-Feb-18 20:30:22

That's not a joke, that's her diminishing you and it's nasty.

I'd be diminishing her contact with dd, personally.

WorraLiberty Sun 04-Feb-18 20:31:06

She just sounds like one of those 'hard edged' type of people that I tend to avoid. You know, the kind who have very little nice words for anyone.

I wouldn't take it at all personally OP or expect any praise or recognition from her.

bettydraper31 Sun 04-Feb-18 20:31:22

Agree with others about her being obtuse and a bitch. She’s doing it to wind you up. Of course mumma means you! What a twat.

PS I’m also 7 months pregnant so maybe it’s both of us being oversensitive but don’t think so on this one.

Namechangeuser Sun 04-Feb-18 20:32:00

@theantiboop, no, those feelings are entirely dealt with and out to rest. I only mentioned it in the sense that as I don't speak to my own mum very much, I find it upsetting to be disregarded by mil.

Also in regards to the "good job" comment I made, I don't think I worded it very well. I don't expect mil or any one to tell me what a good job I'm doing, but to be at least acknowledged occasionally as her mum would be nice. I feel like I'm just the womb that carried her.

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 04-Feb-18 20:34:39

YANBU to be miffed that she tried to re-arrange what your DD was saying, it's just a bit rude (and, dare I say it, egotistical to make it all about herself). However, if she knows you're upset about it she'll do it all the more so try your best to let it wash over you. Your MIL is probably a little jealous that it's all about "Mama" - it's just hard for some Grandparents to take.

babyccinoo Sun 04-Feb-18 20:36:56

She sounds like a bitch. You need to learn not to give a shit what she thinks. But if she's rude to you in person, call her out on it, even if it's just with the MN favourite 'Did you mean to be so rude?'. If she says it when DH is out of earshot, repeat what she said to you to him (DH, MIL was just saying....what do you think?'.

FrozenMargarita17 Sun 04-Feb-18 20:38:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAntiBoop Sun 04-Feb-18 20:38:53

On this one example alone it seems an over reaction but there is clearly more to this.

As long as your DH is on side and doesn't take her side then you should be fine

Bambamber Sun 04-Feb-18 20:43:07

She sounds a bit dense to be honest.

But you would be unreasonable to let someone like that make you feel unimportant in your own family. You all know her first word was mumma and nothing can take that away from you.

gingergenius Sun 04-Feb-18 20:43:45

My mil was exactly like yours. She hasn't changed. Been separated nearly 10 years and she was recently overheard slagging me off to my exdh's gf in earshot of my kids.

You're not overreacting.

PositivelyPERF Sun 04-Feb-18 20:47:07

I would laugh very loudly, when she comes out with shit like this. It’ll irritate the fuck out of her, to hear you laughing in the background. She’s an arse.

Ihatemarmite123 Sun 04-Feb-18 20:47:45

She's being daft. Ignore her, she's desperate for your daughter to like her, but she'll never be mummy!

midnightmisssuki Sun 04-Feb-18 20:50:31

No she’s being rude on purpose. I would have a word and say well in the normal world, Mumma means Mummy which means ME.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Sun 04-Feb-18 21:01:06

My MIL did that to my SIL.

SIL's baby would say "Mama" and MIL said it was "Gama"

It wasn't.

Scaredofthegym Sun 04-Feb-18 21:01:56

Teach dd to say "nana's a cow" grin

Ohyesiam Sun 04-Feb-18 21:07:31

I don't think you are over reacting, because she is being nasty. BUT, I think you would be happier and have a nicer life if you were able to ignore her.
The comments she makes show her in a poor light, and that's the point. It's about her inability to connect with you in a warm and open hearted way. Her loss I would say.
What does your dh think?

sallyarmy1 Sun 04-Feb-18 21:17:45

I'd like to know the M-I-L's side of this story.

I once had a DIL that sounds a bit like you - wanted gratitude and appreciation for doing everyday normal things.

Such hard work.

Greensleeves Sun 04-Feb-18 21:19:29

Did you? Did you pretend not to know what "mumma" meant as well?

I suspect you may be projecting.

LindySprint Sun 04-Feb-18 21:31:53

Who the fuck doesn't know what 'mumma' means? I mean, really?

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