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AIBU?

Au pair yelled at ds

259 replies

bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 01:29

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. )

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today.

OP posts:

Report

NewYearNiki · 02/02/2018 01:32

Seriously?

Let it go.

jemjemjem50 · 02/02/2018 01:32

She probably got a fright if he was bawling. She shouldn't have been so harsh with your DS but I'd honestly just forget it and move on

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/02/2018 01:40

It doesn't sound ideal, but her priority is the child she's looking after, and it was probably a visceral reaction to want to 'protect' the little one in her care, after he'd been hurt. I realise he doesn't need protecting from your 4YO, but you know what I mean.

Let it go - it's not worth taking any further.

bummymummythefirst · 02/02/2018 01:43

I was a nanny/ maternity nurse for over 20 years. I've never screamed at or pushed a kid. No matter how stressed I was.

So it's ok to push people now?

If she'd pushed you, an adult, it would be a 'seriously? Let it go?' incident?

OP posts:

kiwigeekmum · 02/02/2018 01:45

Well obviously she was totally out of order and YANBU to feel defensive of your DS.
My only guess is that the au pair was feeling shocked, upset and worried (either about 5yr old's health, or if she was going to get blamed for it) and just reacted out of stress.
Doesn't excuse her behaviour, but you having a go at her certainly wasn't going to make things better.
Maybe just reassure your DS that he didn't do anything wrong and avoid the au pair from now on?
Of course if she continues to act like that in other situations then YANBU to speak to her.

OnTheList · 02/02/2018 01:58

Why do you assume nanny/au pair? Could it not have been the childrens sister or something?

Either way she was definitely wrong to scream at your child. I would have said something to her I think.

NewYearNiki · 02/02/2018 02:50

I said let it go meaning that you had your chance to say something there and then and yet you didnt.

It is utterly pointless stewing over it now.

You didnt say anything at the time so let it go. You cant so anything about it.

araiwa · 02/02/2018 02:51

does your beach resort have a grip shop? you should go there

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/02/2018 03:01

does your beach resort have a grip shop? you should go there

Yes because the OP is obviously over reacting to her child being pushed by a stranger, given that you would be fine if you tried to help someone and got yelled at and assaulted

In this instance I would blame the parents as they left a girl clearly too young to cope, so I wouldnt say anything as they would pile on her instead of taking any responsibility themselves.

DunedinGirl · 02/02/2018 03:05

I would have been bothered about this too OP, and I would want to say something. Now, when the heat of the moment has passed, seems a reasonable time to have a calm word with the au pair or the parents.

Creambun2 · 02/02/2018 03:13

Do none of these children go to school?

OlennasWimple · 02/02/2018 03:35

What exactly do you think you could usefully do now?

user1489434024 · 02/02/2018 03:45

What would Captain Barnacles do?

There lies your answer.

buttfacedmiscreant · 02/02/2018 03:45

OP, is it possible that she wasn't as rough as you recall it? It sounds like you went into mamabear mode and may not be remembering an unbiased view of it. I wonder if a stranger unrelated to either party would describe the moment the same way as you...?

Even if she did, you describe her as a 15 year old.

SD1978 · 02/02/2018 03:51

15 isn’t an au pair or nanny- it’s a kid babysitting. She should not have touched your son, and sh should be spoke. To regarding that. She obviously got a fright herself and was trying to check over the crying child and saw your child as in the way, and over reacted. You should have spoken to her, not necessarily immediately to the parents. She clearly has as concerned for the child.

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/02/2018 03:59

So seek her out and say something to her then.

What's the point of this thread?

ScotInExile · 02/02/2018 05:06

"The boy suddenly really smacks his head" How did this happen? Was your DS perhaps involved in a bit of rough play that caused this to happen? Or perhaps she mistakenly thought that was what happened? If so, I can see why the girl screamed at him to get away.

Bluedoglead · 02/02/2018 05:33

She’s 15. She’s a child. Not an au pair or professional nanny or even a baby sitter.

You’re expecting her to behave like a professional nursery nurse of 20years standing would have.

MeAndMyDog · 02/02/2018 05:41

Why was a 15 year old who was watching 2 other small children (near water) close enough to your child that this happened? How far away were you? Were you taking advantage of a free babysitting to enjoy your own holiday more?

No, she should not have pushed your child. But perhaps you should have intervened before that.

And most people don't want to be "helped" by your 4 year old. Surely you know that.

pictish · 02/02/2018 06:20

She was probably freaking out about the accident and couldn’t cope with having to consider your little boy in the heat of the moment so she snapped at him. His help/involvement wasn’t wanted or welcome.
Obviously none of us were there to witness it so can’t really give a rounded view on the situation but from the sounds of it, it doesn’t seem like anything you need to be wringing your hands over. If it had been me I would have said, “She’s totally stressed out...it’s not your fault. Stay out of the way.”, and left it at that.

NovemberWitch · 02/02/2018 06:25

You could have got off your arse and stopped your child intervening, or rushed over and offered your years of experience and first aid skills as support. Instead, you judged a frightened child looking after children.

pictish · 02/02/2018 06:29

To add, I would probably treat her to a little helping of ‘hard stare’ or side-eye in passing just to let her know that she was seen being unpleasant to my child and what I thought of it...but that’s only because I’d balk at anyone being rude to my little one(s)...I wouldn’t bother myself beyond that though...it’s not the end of the world. Not everyone is going to be nice all the time. That’s life.

pictish · 02/02/2018 06:32

Or I might not. Depending on the accident in which her charge bashed his head, I might ask how he was. Didn’t see it, so hard to say.

Pittcuecothecookbook · 02/02/2018 06:33

Was she actually that young, or is that a snide comment about her looking inexperienced?

NicheArea · 02/02/2018 06:40

Maybe the girl was a bit stressed out about having 2 extra children to keep an eye on. Maybe she felt a bit put upon by the situation so was irritable.
You say she gave DS a 'little push'. Just to clear him out of the way?

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