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How to deal with MIL from hell

(101 Posts)
M0na1isa Wed 31-Jan-18 23:29:42

When you are invited to dinner and MIL hugs you and whispers into your ear that your wearing FUCK ME SHOES so that no one else can hear and to hurt you. And when you announce in front of your hubbie and kids what she did you still have to apologize to her for being nasty otherwise she might have a mental breakdown?
Need help to deal with MIL who treats me horribly after being faithful to her son and loving and giving her the only grandchildren she has whilst she sucks up to her other sons wife who controls and pegs him down. MIL says nasty comments all the time to me and then justifies it by saying she wasn't being mean but she clearly was; or she was just kidding!
Need serious tips on handling MIL as I am very close to leaving family after surviving 20 years

Ceebs85 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:31:33

Why isn't your husband dealing with his mother?

UpstartCrow Wed 31-Jan-18 23:32:13

Its not just her, its the entire enabling family. They've picked a side and it isn't yours. Since she cant be civil refuse to visit.

How would that pan out?

GreenTulips Wed 31-Jan-18 23:33:56

What in rather did your DH say?

There has to be more than this ...

DingDongDenny Wed 31-Jan-18 23:34:10

'What was that you said Mil "I'm wearing Fuck me Shoes" what a strange thing to say'

Taylor22 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:40:20

You divorce the POS that allows you to be abused and never have to even think of her again.

Solongtoshort Wed 31-Jan-18 23:41:04

A quick reply.....

You obviously haven’t wore yours for a while that’s why you are bitching at me you dried up old prune, smile and turn away.

Well l wouldn’t really because it would take me 5 hours to come up wit a quick reply like that and then the moment would be lost.

Good luck with getting your husband to speak to his mum.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 31-Jan-18 23:53:31

I'm so sorry for the torment you have endured, but why, after so many years of abuse, do you still allow yourself to be subjected to her antics? Why do you agree to be in her company? I would have cut her out of my life years and years ago.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 01-Feb-18 00:07:26

You just whisper back-

'I knoooow, I wore them for youuuuuuu

Everyone- 'what's so funny dear DIL'

You - 'oh just MIL! Yet ANOTHER rib-tickler. Gawd I love comin' 'ere!!!'

StillPissedOff Thu 01-Feb-18 00:11:19

OP, it is bad that you had to endure this. From personal experience, I would say that you should go No Contact. Nasty MiLs are nasty. Been there, got the T-shirt.

Just think: having no contact with her, really would make your life more pleasant and less stressful.

Royalfuckup Thu 01-Feb-18 00:15:26

What a bloody weird and creepy thing for your MIL to say! shock

Allthewaves Thu 01-Feb-18 00:18:05

Are you on glue - would be my response. Stop biting to her barbs

AmieJaneEmma Thu 01-Feb-18 22:49:56

Have you ever been on Reddit? There's an amazing sub on there called justnomil. People go on and share their mil horror stories. It's a real 'all for one' type community, always there to listen or give advice. I think it'd really help you on there. Even if it's just for a place to vent. Lots of people on there are or have been in your position, considering giving up. Give it a try.

Appuskidu Thu 01-Feb-18 22:52:33

I would laugh and say, ‘OMG-I can’t believe you just said that?!’ and move on, chuckling to yourself. Someone will ask you of her what was said.

What other sorts of things does she say?

Bluelady Thu 01-Feb-18 22:54:13


jemjemjem50 Thu 01-Feb-18 22:54:25

Just respond "MIL, what on earth are fuck me shoes?!?!" LOUDLY

Namechangetempissue Thu 01-Feb-18 22:58:06

I would also answer her loudly so everyone can hear. Sorry MIL I missed that! Can you say it louder so I can hear you properly? Sounded like you said I was wearing fuck me shoes! But that would be ridiculous wouldn't it!
Embarrass her every single time. Never look bothered by it.

BishBoshBashBop Thu 01-Feb-18 23:00:32


SabineUndine Thu 01-Feb-18 23:00:46

Re the shoes I’d say ‘yeah he did actually, just before we came over and he’s doing me again when we get back home.’

Doilooklikeatourist Thu 01-Feb-18 23:01:27

I just don’t see mine
And she’s nowhere near as awful as that ^^
And she’s been my Mil as long as yours
I just ignore her ( and let her and FIL carry on giving my DC pockket money while they’re at uni ) stupid bitch ( her , not, me )
Haven’t seen them since Christmas , yet DH talks to them twice a week

Over my head

Rewn7 Thu 01-Feb-18 23:03:47

Kill with kindness... it takes away all their power...

Laugh outrageously and tell her she makes you laugh. Move on away from her.

Whisper back how much you love her strange ways. Move on away from her.

Reply to say ooooo thanks! Move on away from her.

For every unkind thing she says... embrace it, twist it to be a positive and then move on away from her.

Of course the best and most likely outcome is that you’ll eventually got NC with her like me and my MIL.

However, in the meantime... reclaim your power back.

Lostin3dspace Thu 01-Feb-18 23:06:37

I would say my marriage ended largely because of my MIL, whose style was more insidious than you describe.
And my ExH liked to tell me it was all in my head and it was me that was the problem.
So if your DH has a similar stance, then I would say throw down your divorce ultimatum, because, now that I am a divorcee I really really wish I had simply been downright rude and confrontational in response to her little digs and backhanded compliments, and even wish that I had played a manipulative game instead of trying to turn the other cheek and moaning to my disinterested husband later. Because it is of no consequence now, and at least I could have seriously upset her. Why not? She enjoyed upsetting me and making it look like she meant well and it was MY fault for being offended.

BewareOfDragons Thu 01-Feb-18 23:20:56

Um, if your DH is defending her rather than you, I would be planning my divorce.

And going NC permanently with MIL.

CoolCarrie Thu 01-Feb-18 23:24:09

Definitely try what Rewn7 suggested, it works, that’s what I’ve done in the past with mine, although she certainly wasn’t as nasty as yours op.
Sorry it’s been so shit for you, but your dh really needs to have your back on this, and sort out his bloody mother.

WorraLiberty Thu 01-Feb-18 23:30:14

Interesting how you're asking for hints and tips to deal with this woman who you didn't marry, rather than tackling the real issue which appears to be lack of support/loyalty from the man you actually did.

My DH loves his mum to bits but there is no way he wouldn't pull her up on that sort of behaviour.

And expect me to apologise to her? Not in a million years would he or the kids expect that.

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