Feeling like I've lost my mojo

[Crazyladee]

Having worked long full time hours all of my life, last year I changed careers completely which means I am working very part time working from home on a self employed basis.

When I first started it, I loved it..not having the stress of working long hours full time, not having early starts and being away from the house etc. I normally love being at home pottering around and my own company. When I changed jobs I remembered how much I enjoyed being at home on maternity leave so I grabbed the chance to cut my hours right down. It's better paid than my full time job so money is not too much of an issue. I can't say what my job is as its too outing, but I am not allowed to take on another job and due to the nature of the job, I cannot increase my hours.

Now nearly a year in, I feel the novelty has worn off a bit and although I have so much free time to myself, I am bored but feel very unmotivated to do something about the fact I'm bored if you see what I mean.

I'm 45 and feel I have lost my mojo. I don't have any energy anymore, feel lethargic all the time and seem to waste hours procrastinating about all the things I could be doing to fill my time. I have two grown up boys who see to themselves nowadays. Although I get up at 7.30am to chat to my DS15 before he leaves for the school bus at 8am, I even thought about cancelling his bus pass so that I would take him to school every morning just to get me out of the house. Sometimes I can't be bothered to even leave the house, which is not like me. It's now nearly 10am and I'm still in my dressing gown, im just struggling to get the day going, I have a gorgeous dog who I usually love to take out for extra long walks, which I do, but it's a massive effort, and I normally just take the short route.

When I worked full time I went to the gym before I started work at 7.30am so I was in the gym for 5.45am every morning. I look back and feel I had so much more energy.

I don't have any hobbies as such at all. I'm not very creative and very shy around people, so cannot think of anything I could start doing in my free time. Due to constantly moving around the country a lot with DHs job, I don't have many friends in this area other than my sister who I am close to but she works full time, and one very close friend who I meet for coffee once a week. I have a gym membership and once I get into the swing of going, I do enjoy it, but I haven't been since before Xmas.

When I am not working, I don't watch TV during the day as it feels lazy. (even though I could easily put Netflix on and binge watch) But I sit here feeling guilty that I am not being productive and not actually doing much with my time.. And think about the things I should be doing.

DH comes home from work and when he asks what I have done today, I feel boring and lazy if I tell him the truth (not an awful lot - mainly half heartedly cleaning the house or food shopping) as he is never still and wouldn't understand.

I confided in my mum the other day (I meet her once a week) and told her I'm feeling out of sorts. She laughed and said "welcome to retirement!"

Can anyone else relate to this? I take vitamin supplements and have been advised to take vitamin D capsules which I have been taking all winter but don't really feel any different.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Are you still going to the gym?

[Assburgers]

2 things that stick out: you’re not doing enough exercise and you’re not looking forward to anything.

You can sort the exercise thing out now, and you should, but is there anything you want to learn? Anything you’d like to be good at? You are in a very enviable position. Maybe you’re one of those people who actually works better in more stressy situations? And your life isn’t challenging enough at the moment?

[Crazyladee]

Bitoutofpractice

I've still got my gym membership but I haven't been since before Xmas. It's not a local gym and I'm tied in my contract until March. I do want to lose fat and tone up so what I have been doing is YouTube workouts at home. When I feel I can be bothered.

[Crazyladee]

*Assburgers
*
I do recognise the fact I am in an enviable position and I do feel guilty for moaning. I cannot think of a single thing I can take up hobby wise. Maybe you're right about needing stress in my life. My mum thinks I might need to see my GP as normally I am good at keeping myself busy.

[hidinginthenightgarden]

I can totally relate to this.
After we had our second I went part time. I currently work 2 days a week and spend the rest with the kids.
I am so fed up. I don't get out much because not many friends live locally and we are a bit skint so no money to have lovely lunches out every week etc. I could probably be more active, get the crafts out with the kids and make more effort but can't be bothered. Then I feel sad that I am bored and still do nothing about it.
No option to take on extra hours at work atm as they filled my position.

[Sparklingbrook]

Hi crazy. We are having a moan about similar on this thread if you fancy a read. You are not alone.


www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a3151369-Anyone-else-mid-forties-and-feeling-a-bit-lost?msgid=75196492#75196492

[jjune11]

You sound mildly depressed and that having less structure to your day and doing less is negatively impacting your mood, motivation and energy levels, which is quite understandable. It's also a cycle that keeps going unless you actively do something to change it. Try to schedule in at least one activity for morning, afternoon and evening (eg - dog walk). Do this the night before so that you wake up in the morning knowing already what you're going to do. Enjoyment and motivation will come back but you need to increase your activity level first.

Google CBT behavioural activation or activity scheduling for more info.

[EscapeTheCastle]

My first suggestion is to get up and dressed everyday at the same time and looking at your schedule you can get washed and dressed at 8am.

Maybe on alternate days you could then go to the gym and miss the prework rush. Or get that Doggie on his long walk.

I guess all i'm saying is some routine and rules go a long way to keep you feeling good. Then build from there.
Don't be hard on yourself. It's January, it's a time when many struggle.

[jaxom]

Yep, been there, done that.
Worked full time for many years, then went part time when kids were little.

As they grew, I had loads of interests and hobbies but I'd start procrasinating.

Now I work full time again, somehow the limitation on my free time has re-energised me to use my time more efficiently.

[Crazyladee]

Glad to hear others are in the same boat.

I spent a year at home after the birth of each baby and when I look back I don't remember feeling this way as I guess I was so busy with the baby plus I had loads of friends I met through parent and baby groups. And I knew my maternity leave was temporary so I made the most of it.

My mum has mentioned mildly depressed to me as well. It's just so not like me to feel this way. How can you be bored of being bored?? The thought of joining a new group fills me with dread. Included in my gym membership is access to all the classes at the gym but I don't have the confidence to go as I don't know anyone. I know it sounds really lame as joining new groups in the past would never faze me.

I've just found myself upstairs deliberately finding clothes to wash despite me doing all the washing over the weekend so I've given myself a talking to and put on my gym clothes with the intention of going to the gym. After that I will take my dog for a walk. When I worked full time and had a rare day off, I would write down all the things I wanted to get done throughout the day and approximate times so it worked to put a bit of structure in the day, so I'll try that as someone has suggested.

[heron98]

I definitely think that the more spare time you have, the less motivated you are.

I have a very busy life and cram in exercise before work, socialising after work, long hours etc.

However, if I have a week off I find I do nothing and just hang about feeling bored and depressed.

Without the impetus of not having much time, I think motivation is hard.

[TheDuckSaysMoo]

I could have written your post OP. I'm worried it's mild depression but even that isn't enough to motivate me to do something. Occassionally i give myself a kick and might feel better for a coiple of weeks but the feeling eventially creeps back in.

What should I do about mild depression anyway? It feels too wishy washy to go to a doctor about it but on the other hand i think i need something to help make a change that will last.

[FreshsatsumaforDd]

You are 45, so could some of this be caused by the peri menopause?

[TheDuckSaysMoo]

Fresh, interesting possibility. I feel that is something I could start a discussion on with the doc.

[Crazyladee]

*Freshsatsumafordd
*
It's funny you mention perimenopausal as early menopause runs right through the family on my mums side. My mum had been through the menopause and come out the other side at 40 years old and her auntie went through it in her 30s. My periods are normal though and I am not displaying any hot flushes or anything so how would I know?

I still haven't made it to the gym. I've got my gym clothes on but I'm finding stuff to do around the house..and I'm on mumsnet. I keep putting it off! If someone said to me.. It's okay to have a day slobbing and Ipadding I would happily do so. Ive checked my calendar and I actually do have a rare busy week coming up with meetings involving work There I go again procrastinating!

[Crazyladee]

*Theducksaysmoo
*
I'm the same as you. I pick the phone up to call the GP for an appointment but then imagine how lame it would sound sitting in front of the GP describing how I feel! Wishy washy is a good word to describe it!

[BitOutOfPractice]

I was thinking less about the physical benefits of a workout (though those are fab) and more of the mental.

Not only would Zumba or body pump give you a great endorphin buzz, it'd get you out of the house and mixing with people. I think both of those things would be great for you.

I know it's easy to forget how great it feels when you're out of the groove but I think that there's probably a correlation between "I felt great with lots of energy" and "I used to go to the gym regularly"

Anyway, have done flowers from me. It's a shit feeling I know

[Crazyladee]

*Bitoutofpractice
*
Thanks for the flowers

[eurochick]

I feel similar. I'm 42 and Work full time out of the house but I'm so lacking in motivation. I spend ages staring at my phone. I used to be so driven and a real perfectionist. Now I feel like I can't be bothered - with Work, with gym, etc. I keep wondering where my drive has gone!

[TheDuckSaysMoo]

Crazy and Euro .

It's definitively affecting the quality of my work. I should really make an appointment.

[Crazyladee]

Theducksaysmoo

You should. I'm going to give it another month and if no different I will make an appointment. I've ordered some supplements (Maca Root) from Amazon and I'm hoping that taking the supplements, together with some of the advice offered on this thread, will help in the meantime.

[GetUpAndGoGone]

If you look at how an eighty year old is compared to a thirty year old, is this part of normal aging?

fucking depressing

[Crazyladee]

*FreshsatsumaforDD
*
Think you might be on to something with the perimenopause comment.

Having googled, I'm suffering from most of the symptoms.

Plus something strange is happening at the moment. My period was due last week. I'm suffering from my usual severe period pains, bloatedness etc but so far, I'm not bleeding. (Sorry for the TMI)

What now? Do I need to see the doctor do you think?

[FreshsatsumaforDd]

I'm not certain, but perhaps a blood test would give an indication of whether you are still in the normal range for you age, or going into the menopause too early. Unfortunately I think that it can all be quite a drawn out process over a number of years.

[laura65988]

Your new job is less hours and u're struggling with it and u're getting down about not being busy all the time it's the blues get to the gym stop putting it off u will feel better for it as u achieved something u have been dreading it's a slower pace of life volunteer at a charity shop a couple of days a week if ure feeling that bad about being in house doing nothing but u should not feel guilty about this as it's a adjustment but I'll get there but ure saying u have this spare time yet u will take dog the shorter route and sit around in pyjamas ure being Abit lazy and that's on u don't go short cut and don't sit around in pyjamas if it has negative feelings for u at least u meet a friend and u're mum once a week that gives u friends but get back into gym but don't lose self confidence just cause u wort part time and have spare time it's ure time to start enjoying ure spare time and doing the things u never had time for ure going into depression cause it's a big change for you but dont do that just fill ure time up weather it's volunteering or gym or even a series on Netflix flix ure allowed but do get out house as u work here as well and myt feel trapped as ure always in house but go live life enjoy early part time retirement before long u will have grandkids and u will be babysitting as u have the time x