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Third-wheel friend....AIBU to ask her to get a train home?

(239 Posts)
BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:33:22

So my dp and I were told about this really fun event by a friend of ours. We aren't super close but have been out together a few times, etc. I assumed she was bringing her dp to make a double date so I offered to book the tickets. Turns out she was planning on attending by herself with us, and I didn't find out until the moment I was booking. Event is a few hours away drive.

I dont mind being at the event with her as she is lovely and we do get on well, but no she has booked a night in the exact same hotel my DP and I are staying at. I was planning on doing things with him the day after, just us. We don't have a lot of money so this was sort of our Valentine's/anniversary event and we wanted to take full advantage of being away.

Would I BU to offer to drive her with us to the event but then ask that she takes the train home as we have plans the next day? Or is this mean? I don't want to make this shit for her as the whole thing was her idea, but when I agreed I had something totally different in mind.

RoryAndLogan Sun 28-Jan-18 18:37:18

If she told you about the event then surely she was going even if you weren't?
Just say she's very welcome to join you in the way there but you're going to make a weekend out of it and won't be leaving until x the following night. Then if she wants to hang around she can just jump in with you again, or she'll get the message and book a train? You're not responsible for her transport.

formerbabe Sun 28-Jan-18 18:39:36

Would I BU to offer to drive her with us to the event but then ask that she takes the train home as we have plans the next day?

No, you can't ask her to take the train home the next day. You can tell her that you've made your own plans for the day though.

Youngmystery Sun 28-Jan-18 18:40:18

Maybe she has just booked a room as she can't be bothered driving/travelling back again the same day? It's a bit tiring all that travelling, then an event then more travelling. She'll probably just disappear the next day.

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:41:49

Well originally I thought we could go up separately (we drive, she doesnt) but another friend told me that it would be silly not to take her up as we were going the same way. So I wondered if it would be equally silly not to take her back.

Tobuyornot99 Sun 28-Jan-18 18:43:19

Very tight not to offer a lift back as you're going that way anyway.

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:45:11

It's not tightness. I don't want to spend the whole weekend with her. I want to have some time with DP alone sans child.

formerbabe Sun 28-Jan-18 18:46:13

Just say she's welcome to get a lift back with you at (insert time) but you have made plans up until that time.

Darkstar4855 Sun 28-Jan-18 18:46:58

I don’t understand why her not bringing her partner makes such a difference? Surely you were already expecting to spend the time with a couple, why does it make a difference if it’s just her?

I think YABU to tell her to get a train home as it was her idea to go in the first place. However you could explain that you and your partner have got plans on your own the next day.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 28-Jan-18 18:47:09

Awkward. I think I’d take the hit and drop her home. I’d be too embarrassed to do otherwise

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:49:10

If she had gone with her partner, then it would have been easier to "break off" so to speak. He could have driven them or they could have done their own thing. Now I feel responsible for her in a way. It sounds horrible I realise.

treeofhearts Sun 28-Jan-18 18:49:43

So she suggested it, you didn't bother asking if it was a double date but just assumed and now you want to ditch her and leave her to make her own way home. hmm Wow. Glad none of my friends are like you.

Ever thought that maybe to her your DH is the interloper. She probably wanted to do something with you, you know with you supposedly being her friend?

MadMags Sun 28-Jan-18 18:49:45

I would just say that you’re treating it as a Valentine’s/anniversary weekend so you’ll be doing something the next day but if she’s still around, you think you’ll be heading home around X time and she’s welcome to have a lift.

Tobuyornot99 Sun 28-Jan-18 18:49:58

You don't have to spend the whole weekend with her, you just go your own way on Sunday and meet up for the ride home.
I'd be used if a friend of mine did what you're proposing to do, depends how much you value the friendship I guess.

SwarmOfCats Sun 28-Jan-18 18:50:21

Tell her the truth - that you’re using this as an anniversary/valentines thing, so you’ve got plans for the following day. You can then either offer to give her a lift back later on at a time to suit you, or she can get the train so it’s convenient for her.

StarShapedWindow Sun 28-Jan-18 18:51:37

Can’t you drop her home and then go off and have the day together?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun Sun 28-Jan-18 18:54:04

Just tell her you have plans the next day so she can wait & get a lift or get train home hmm
You seem to be over complicating things.
It's mean not to drive her back if she's heading back at the same time as you.

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:54:23

Can’t you drop her home and then go off and have the day together?

It's several hours drive.

Ever thought that maybe to her your DH is the interloper.

No, as she's closer with him and he's then one she told about it!

MadMags Sun 28-Jan-18 18:55:23

So then you’re the interloper grin

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 18:57:21

Haha, maybe I should stay home and save the headache!

Viviennemary Sun 28-Jan-18 18:59:12

No I don't think that would be U. Why should you have to be lumbered with her tagging along for the whole weekend. I'd tell a white lie and say you're not sure when you'll be coming back and might be going on to visit relatives.

Knittedfairies Sun 28-Jan-18 19:00:49

Yes, tell her the truth about your plans for the second day. I think describing her as a 'third wheel' is a little kind though..

Knittedfairies Sun 28-Jan-18 19:01:20

*unkind!

Jaxhog Sun 28-Jan-18 19:01:54

Assume she won't be with you for more than the actual event (possibly not even that all the time). If she shows any indication that she thinks otherwise, just look puzzled and say you're doing your own thing for the rest of the weekend.

BaldricksTrousers Sun 28-Jan-18 19:02:51

I don't mean to be unkind. Just using a turn of phrase. She is very nice and I do enjoy her company.

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