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To be devastated that someone I only met tonight could be so mean and nasty to me or no reason

(225 Posts)
Oldsu Sun 28-Jan-18 00:13:26

I have been out tonight to celebrate a friends birthday, we used to work together but she now works for a different company so everyone else in the group were her new colleagues. I got on with them all except one who immediately seemed to take a dislike to me, it started in the pub we had a whip to buy the drinks and it was decided to get a couple of bottles of wine, I paid into the whip (£20) but I had to let them know that I have gastric reflux and cant drink alcohol so I wanted water instead as even lemonade and orange juice can affect me, she took umbrage at this for some reason basically saying she hated people like me who wanted something 'special' there was no reason for her to say that as I explained why and everyone else understood.

For most of the evening I stayed out of her way chatting happily to other members of the group but every time I looked her way she was glaring at me, my friend was getting upset and I offered to go home but she wanted me to stay and eat with them

It was suggested that we all went for a curry, now I cant eat curry but have eaten in Indian restaurants before and have had western meals or salads, I was discussing options with the waiter when this 'cow' realised what I was doing and laid into me, she basically accused me of being a racist she actually said ' I suppose you hate it when you are served by brown people and I bet you voted brexit and other really spiteful nasty things.

I didn't bother to reply to her I gave my friend a hug and said happy birthday and walked out. My friend rang me and asked me to come back I apologised for ruining her birthday but I couldn't go back I was too upset.

Got home 1/2 hour ago and cant stop crying, now I am scared that I have lost my friend over this but what was I supposed to do just sit there and take all the shit I was getting for no reason.

EggsonHeads Sun 28-Jan-18 00:16:15

Um, well, she is just a bit of a botch isn't she. Just forget about it. She was looking for a fight and picked you. Some people are just like that. Don't take it to heart. Your friend clearly understands.

PsychoPumpkin Sun 28-Jan-18 00:17:00

She sounds horrid and you handled it perfectly I think. Your friend will understand.

GreyGardens88 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:17:13

Are you sure you haven't met her before

Aquamarine1029 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:05

What a horrible experience. I am very sorry. Dry your tears and see this experience for what it is - this sad, vile woman has issues which have absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Perhaps her behaviour is causes by mental illness or some twisted jealousy of a person she doesn't even know (you), for reasons common logic can't begin to explain.

Don't feel bad for yourself, feel pity for HER. What a sad, pathetic existence she leads.

RavenclawRealist Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:12

No you shouldn't have just sat there! You were right to leave and from what you have said I don't think it's you that had to worry about losing a friend! Leave it be see what happens tomorrow if you are still feeling upset in the morning text your friend and explain how you felt. A good friend will completely understand and probably already be expecting similar any one else isn't worth your time! You didn't do anything wrong!! I wouldn't have put in (nor would I expect anyone else to) a kitty when I was drinking water!

TemptressofWaikiki Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:33

Oh OP, so sorry to read this. Was probably a good idea to leave though for your own sake. You handled that with real dignity and grace.

witchofzog Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:33

You can guarantee she has previous for this type of behaviour and she sounds like a fucking nasty bitch. You did exactly the right thing. I am sorry she upset you so much

gamerchick Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:46

Well you were nicer than me.

Take a squeeze OP. Gastric issues really suck anyway (I feel you) but I would hazard a guess she would have been a bit of a twat in gener anyway. flowers

If your friend ditches you because of this then she’s not your friend but personally I would hazard a guess this person has gone down in the others estimation.

mumpoints Sun 28-Jan-18 00:18:54

You handled it like a pro. It's her who will be getting the cold shoulder, not you.

wooster16 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:19:45

She sounds like a properly nasty piece of work! Glad you left, I’m sure everyone at the table including your friend will realise that she was out of order. X

mumpoints Sun 28-Jan-18 00:20:33

Oh, and you didn't ruin her birthday!

BakedBeans47 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:21:23

Oh dear, you poor thing!

If anyone is going to lose the friendship of your friend, I bet it won’t be you! The other girl sounds dreadful x flowers

RitasEducation Sun 28-Jan-18 00:22:25

What a cow.

I know it is easy to say but I would not shed a tear for her.

Your friend will definitely understand, she probably feels awful insisting you stay after the beast showed her teeth.

Namechangetempissue Sun 28-Jan-18 00:22:51

You did the right thing. She was spoiling for a fight and you were the grown up; you didn't respond, wished your friend well and left. Don't be upset -you are not the dick in this situation and I highly doubt anyone else thinks differently. At least you never have to see this person again! I do feel for your friend though, she must feel really embarrassed and upset by this "friend".

HeckyPeck Sun 28-Jan-18 00:24:02

Bloody hell, what a cow!

Did your friend not stick up for you? If someone said something like that to one of my friend I'd tell them to leave.

Jon66 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:24:35

Something similar happened to me and I did the same thing, said goodbye and left, but I was disappointed at the time that nobody took my side. Later feedback told me I had a lot of support. You did the only thing you could do, and your friend should realise this and support you. If not . . .

Winteriscoming18 Sun 28-Jan-18 00:25:46

If anyone looks bad it’s her

cherryontopp Sun 28-Jan-18 00:30:04

You are a lot nicer and calmer than me that's for sure.
You handled this really well, if it was me, I'd have smiled, ordered the curry and tipped it over her bastard head.

Any hoo, thing is that gets me is why, if your friend noticed this behaviour, did she not pull this cow bag up? I certainly would have!

Rumbaintheraindrops Sun 28-Jan-18 00:30:41

She was obviously hoping you would retaliate Op. Well done for walking away, trust me you have made her look like a complete dick. If you had retaliate she would have accused you of not being able to take a joke.
I know you are worried about your friend being mad but if she is then she is no friend. She also should have stuck up for you and come after you straight away so I would be a bit mad with her to be honest. I know she rang you but it was to ask you to come back after being insulted which was really off.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 28-Jan-18 00:31:10

I think she was looking for trouble, and yiu were an easy target. She was the one who should be embarassed and apologise, not you!

Eltonjohnssyrup Sun 28-Jan-18 00:31:15

She sounds a disgrace. It was her who ruined your friends birthday (she was probably drunk).

I think you behaved with immense dignity given the extreme provocation.

(BTW, my sympathies on the reflux. I had keyhole surgery for it and it literally changed my life, can eat anything with no problems. Highly recommend it)

Oldsu Sun 28-Jan-18 00:32:05

It was the poor waiter I felt sorry for he was being really sweet and helpful offering to make me an omelette and when she started going on about brown people he looked really embarrassed, I left my scarf on the seat and he came running after me to give it back and said he hoped that I would come back to the restaurant another time - he must have felt awful

Eltonjohnssyrup Sun 28-Jan-18 00:32:17

I bet it was an extremely uncomfortable evening for her after you left.

Oldsu Sun 28-Jan-18 00:34:57

Sorry forgot to say the cow is my friends team leader so I don't blame her for not saying anything to her

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