Talk

Advanced search

Not lending money again to previous non-payer/Not letting go of it.

(123 Posts)
paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 21:51:57

A few years ago I lent a small amount of money to a friend. It wasn't essential she pay me back - I could easily afford it but I did expect her to pay it back asap.

She kept on being short, making excuses and not quite having enough. In the end I said it didn't matter. I was fed up of the whole thing.

We've now fallen out as she wanted to borrow money for a non essential item (clothes shopping in town again) and I refused to lend it. I mentioned it was too much hassle and reminded her of when she'd previously borrowed money and not returned it.

She got upset that I'd held this money against her for all these years and that I had not let it go as I said I would.

Was it really bad friendship/mannered that I mentioned she's not paid me back previously?

Hisnamesblaine Sat 27-Jan-18 21:53:01

CF right there.....

Outlookmainlyfair Sat 27-Jan-18 21:54:01

I’m with you - she sounds an entitled CF

HermionesRightHook Sat 27-Jan-18 21:54:25

Nope. I can quite see why you let the last lot go, but for her to a) ask again and then b) be horrible about it when you said no, is just awful. Not bad friendship and not bad mannered.

Your money is your money, and your boundaries are sensible.

TheQueenOfWands Sat 27-Jan-18 21:54:45

She's just pissed that you remembered.

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 21:55:49

She wasn't upset I refused to lend her money again - she was upset I brought up the past money she'd borrowed and not paid back.

Motoko Sat 27-Jan-18 21:56:16

No, you were right to remind her about the last time you lent her money.

You were also right not to lend her any this time.

mumpoints Sat 27-Jan-18 21:58:03

Huh? She's annoyed because she thought you were daft enough to let her do it again.

SolemnlyFarts Sat 27-Jan-18 21:58:04

Well, then she could pay you back there and then and no longer be vulnerable to being upset, no? She's probably embarrassed - she's still in the wrong, though.

Angie169 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:00:17

it is always hard to ask for owed money back even if it is not much, I will not lend people money I have been burnt to often . Now I ask why they need the cash and where I can I buy what ever it is they need , nappies baby food bus fare ( I have a spare smart card ) basic household stuff, normal average about £10/£20. then ask them to give me the money back on the next pay / benefit day.

senua Sat 27-Jan-18 22:01:39

she was upset I brought up the past money she'd borrowed and not paid back.

There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting.

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:01:47

I'd said it didn't matter at the time and not to bother paying it back - but she said it clearly did and she would have paid me back if she knew it was so important to me.

It did annoy me at the time and I haven't let it go because I wouldn't lend her money again as I think the exact same thing would happen again. She was still a friend - just a friend I wouldn't lend money to.

expatinscotland Sat 27-Jan-18 22:02:44

She's a CF. Do NOT lend her money again.

senua Sat 27-Jan-18 22:05:58

she would have paid me back if she knew it was so important to me.

shock So she's paying it back now?

No, I thought not.

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:07:13

I can't believe it's all blown up like this.

Viviennemary Sat 27-Jan-18 22:10:02

You really should have insisted she paid the money back last time. She probably genuinely thought the debt had been written off if you told her it didn't matter. But she shouldn't have asked you again this time. Just drop her. She is a cf.

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:12:26

I've had a text about basically what a crap friend I am.

Unicorndiscoball Sat 27-Jan-18 22:13:43

Who asks their friends to borrow money for a non-essential shopping trip in town?! I can’t ever imagine asking to borrow money off a friend unless it was for absolute essentials and I had no other choice. I would be too embarrassed to even ask! Stand your ground OP, she’s being a total CF!

Tistheseason17 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:13:47

YANBU.
It's blown up cause you won't let her be a CF.
Cut this friend/CF loose!

junebirthdaygirl Sat 27-Jan-18 22:13:59

Idon't think you shoulld have brought up the previous money. You did tell her to leave it. Bringing it back up tarnishes any friendship ye had since as she thought it was over and you didn't . All you had to say was it didn't suit you without mentioning last time. Put yourself in her shoes.

expatinscotland Sat 27-Jan-18 22:15:07

'I've had a text about basically what a crap friend I am.'

She's a manipulative CF. Fuck that! I'd text back, 'If I'm so crap then find someone else to rip off and guilt trip. Bye.' Who borrows money from a friend for clothes? A CF, of course. I'd be mortified to have to borrow from a friend, only would in dire emergency and make sure I paid it back asap.

She's a user.

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:15:22

It's pammy-no-mates need to change that name.

senua Sat 27-Jan-18 22:16:07

What? She doesn't pay her debts but you are the crap friend? How does that work. Talk about shifting blame ...!

expatinscotland Sat 27-Jan-18 22:16:33

' Put yourself in her shoes.'

Of being a CF who didn't pay back money she borrowed from a mate and then asking for more to go clothes shopping? hmm

paranoidpammywhammy2 Sat 27-Jan-18 22:18:45

junebirthdaygirl that was exactly her POV. I just saw her as a friend I wouldn't lend any money to in future. I still saw her as a good friend - just a bit flakey with money.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now