A decade ago, I met up with a guy from a dating site. I was lonely, in a foreign country, going through difficult time. I made out with him. While making out, suddenly he pulled out his penis, pushed my hand towards it and masturbated himself with my hand. I was shocked. I didn't have a lot of sexual experience (I had a boyfriend but I was a virgin) and I didn't know what to do.
After that, we saw each other several times, made out, had consensual sexual activities. Still not full on sex because I did not want to. He kept pressuring me to have sex with him without a condom and thankfully my stupidity hasn't come to that level yet.
I left the country, got back together with my old boyfriend, and I'm still with him. We have a non-existent sex life, but we're perfect in every other way. I truly deeply love him.
I have never even had PIV until now.
I haven't forgotten the first guy. I still obsess over him from time to time. When I feel sexual, I still think of him. We still talk sometimes, but it's just usual catching up. He has a serious relationship and I know we will never be together. Sometimes I compare myself to the person in his life, and feel bad because he didn't choose me.
I guess I want to know what your thoughts are about this.
- Was the first incident an abuse?
- Why am I unable to forget him?
- What should I do to forget him?
Thoughts?