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AIBU?

to think this is setting people up to fail

34 replies

Basecamp21 · 23/01/2018 14:09

About 8 months ago I became aware something was going badly wrong in my brothers life. I get on well with him but not seeing him for several months was not unusual. He had been an advisor in a CAB and commuting to London, he had lived in his private rented flat for 15 years since a relationship breakdown and had access to his children every other weekend.

I was contacted by a Bailiff who had arrived to evict him from his home. He had had a major mental breakdown and had not even rung in sick to his employer so had been sacked and had not signed on for benefits and so had not had any rent paid. His electric had been cut off and he was living in the dark off jam sandwiches and cigarettes he was buying on his credit card from the garage over the road from his flat. He literally had gone from working professionally to street homeless in 4 months. Luckily the bailiff recognised what he was seeing and got my number off him and called me.

We could not save his home but after a fight got the council to accept their duty to house him, got him to GP and mental health team etc. He was in hospital for a bit and then placed in a homeless B&B 6 months ago. Without me to contact he would have been street homeless without a doubt.

He called me yesterday to say he has been offered a flat and had to view it today. He called me today to say he has got the flat and has to move in now.

And I mean NOW - he can only return to the hostel to pick up his Clothes. He has no bed/kettle/cooker absolutely nothing as everything was lost when he lost his home. There is carpet but no curtains. He has a referral to furniture charities to provide stuff but this will take at least a week . He will have no radio/TV or internet connection so will just have to sit there.

So someone with severe depression has got to move in under these conditions immediately - not even 24hrs to get some stuff together.

My brother is lucky as I am here and can afford to take him out this evening after work to get a kettle and a microwave and I have a camp bed and folding chairs he can use but I can't help feeling if I was not here he would simply lie on the floor and not get up. He knows I will ensure everything happens that needs to, but I work and cannot just not go in tomorrow.

My daughter and her 4 children were made homeless 12 months ago when the landlord sold the house she had lived in for 5 years and she is living with me so having him at mine is not possible. He will have a support worker but they are not coming to meet him and help sort things out until a week after he has to move in.

I know exactly what I need to do so am not looking for any advice but aibu in thinking this is horrific - if someone had no relatives to help a vulnerable person like this would just be left in an empty flat with no way of feeding themselves or anything to sleep on and nothing to distract them from the nightmare going on inside their head!

I am not suggesting they should be given everything but a couple of days to get the basics together surely is not asking for too much. It would give a much greater chance of making the tenancy successful if people could have something in place before having to move in, certainly have a support worker in place. It is so short sighted - surely everyone want new tenancies to work. Otherwise this will just be another incredibly expensive eviction and homeless hostel again.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 23/01/2018 14:10

Horrible. Your poor brother. He isn't lucky to have you in his life. Shows how quickly things can unravel. Scary.

MissionItsPossible · 23/01/2018 14:10

IS lucky.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2018 14:14

That is so unbelievably harsh isn't it?

I think anyone with no MH issues would struggle in those circumstances.

I hope he can get sorted soon and start to get his life together again Thanks

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2018 14:14

And thank goodnes for that bailiff phoning you!

EggsonHeads · 23/01/2018 14:16

presumably theyhavd economic pressures to deal with and thus policy is s reaction to that. Given that he was homeless yesterday an empty flat really doesn't seem like the end of the world.

theDailyShow · 23/01/2018 14:19

I don't want to sound heartless but surely a lack of internet and TV is minor. He is homed and can begin to get his life back on track.

Basecamp21 · 23/01/2018 14:19

Eggsonheads - he was in a homeless hostel with a bed, TV and access to cooking facilities and staff around.

A totally empty flat would feel very different

OP posts:
RedPandaMama · 23/01/2018 14:24

You sound like a lovely sister to him.

Absolutely horrible that the situation with renting and money has gotten so bad for a lot of people that this sort of thing can happen in just a few months.

My parents bought a house in 1990, 4-bed semi in affluent area of NW for £85k. Sold it in 2008 for £300k. My mums salary in 1990 was £16k, and would be £18k if she still worked in the same job (bank teller) now. Its a real problem because the money people have isn't enough to pay for what people need as well as saving up in case of situations like your poor brother.

Hope he gets back on his feet and wishing him all the luck in the world. X

Basecamp21 · 23/01/2018 14:25

I think some people missed the point of my post - my brother will be fine because he has family to help.

But someone in his mental health position without family would find this first week before the support kicks in almost impossible. They literally would have no method of even making a cup of tea.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 23/01/2018 14:27

I understood you basecamp and read the part where you said you weren't looking for advice. My post was just in general and how quickly things can fall apart for people, especially, like you said, if they have no family.

Basecamp21 · 23/01/2018 14:30

Missionits possible - it was not your post I was referring to - your words were kind

OP posts:
ThatLDoDonkey · 23/01/2018 14:33

Get on freecycle and see what furniture you can get hold of.

Someone with no MH probs could join a library and use the computers to do it themselves. But I know lots of people have been in similar situations and managed to get so much off there to make themselves comfortable for the time being

Good luck!

NWQM · 23/01/2018 14:33

It is indeed horrific - or potentially so. It's presumably driven by space pressure which may have unduly influenced any risk assessment of whether you brother could cope. At best it relieves heavily on the fact that they know that you will 'rescue him' but it does absolutely have the potential to set him up to fail. Its frustratingly inefficient and costly. It would cost so relatively little to 'kit him out' for basic living the alternative - any inpatient stay, medication etc - is very costly but our system just isn't built for success. It's built to rescue at the very lowest point. It sounds as if your brother is lucky to have you. It sounds too as if you have an enormous amount on your plate. Please take care of you too. Good luck to you all.

rcit · 23/01/2018 14:35

Yanbu op
But this is one of many essential things the state simply cannot afford
We have children being educated in portacabins, hospital patients in corridors on trolleys, people with rotting teeth unable to access nhs dentistry, people needing food-banks etc etc
We are in a right old shitty state!
I hope your brother is ok.

PeaceLoveAndDixie · 23/01/2018 14:35

But I expect somebody further down the queue than your brother would relinquish their hostel space for your brother's flat. So while I see where you're coming from I think you might be expecting a bit much.

crunchymint · 23/01/2018 14:36

Yes it is awful that someone so vulnerable can be left in this situation

BadPolicy · 23/01/2018 14:43

It's a sad situation for anyone to be in. I do feel that you need to reframe your expectations though - your DB now has a home. He doesn't need a tv, or any of the other things you mention.

It would be great if they could be provided, I really do agree, but where do you want that money to come from?

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 23/01/2018 14:47

YANBU. It's terrifying how easily things can fall apart and how little support there is available when it does.

I hope you manage to get the bits he needs this evening and wish him all the best in his new home Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2018 14:48

It would be great if they could be provided, I really do agree, but where do you want that money to come from?

I would like for this to be paid out of the taxes I pay because I feel ashamed that we live in a society where a deeply vulnerable person, down on their luck through no fault of their own, doesn't have a bed to sleep in or a chair to sit on or a stove to cook on

I'd rather people like this got helped than rich pensioners getting the winter fuel allowance. Or people earning over £100,000 a year getting child benefit - just as two for instances

tiggerbounce77 · 23/01/2018 14:49

With your help and support your brother will be fine in time. Unfortunately all councils are overstretched and they will already have someone else in need of the b&b accomodation your brother is vacating.

Can I suggest you ask on your local Facebook sites for help, you will be surprised at how generous people can be with things they no longer need knowing it is going to a good home and helping someone start again.

scrumpymummy · 23/01/2018 14:54

How sad this cld have such a worse outcome if you didn’t step in & well done for the bailiff for identifying the issue. There are huge demands on soclai housing providers inc hostels to turn property round v quickly. Everyone being accepted for rehousing will also be in a very vulnerable state. Having said that I agree they need to give tenancies the chance to succeed & compromise with people in v diff circs. Did you do the viewing with your brother-cld you negotiate on his behalf to get start date put back a bit?!
As far as furnishings go ask out about your local assistance network who can provide new white goods & a bed. Hope this is the start of much better times for your brother!

squishysquirmy · 23/01/2018 14:57

YANBU op.

It often seems that even when help is there, the people most in need of it are the ones who have the most difficulty accessing it!

Your brother is not only lucky to have you, but VERY lucky that the bailiff who happened to be handling his case went out of his way to phone you etc. It is great that there are people like that in jobs like that, but it really shouldn't be the case that people like your brother are left dependent on the helpfullness of a bailiff.

"But this is one of many essential things the state simply cannot afford"

I see your point @rcit and agree that there are limited resources but I think that this is one of those times where spending a small amount of money in the short term could save a lot more money in the long term - a failed tenancy would cost more than the price of curtains and a kettle, surely.

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WeirdCatLady · 23/01/2018 15:05

Unfortunately it is the way of the world these days. Those who have people to be their advocate get far more support than those without. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is a good thing, but with resources stretched paper thin it is unsurprising.

I hope your brother is able to start rebuilding his life, you are a great sister x

MrsLupo · 23/01/2018 15:15

I do feel that you need to reframe your expectations though - your DB now has a home. He doesn't need a tv, or any of the other things you mention.

He needs a bed, no, or is that a luxury now too? Putting him in a position where he'll lose the flat if he doesn't move into it with no furnishings whatsoever, and simultaneously losing his hostel place, with the various support structures that go along with that, would be a tough transition even for someone who wasn't dealing with mental health issues so extreme that they had gone from holding down a professional job to homelessness in 4 months. YANBU, OP. Thank god your DB has you. Terrible that so many others have no one and the state has rolled back its support to such an appalling degree.

Blackteadrinker77 · 23/01/2018 15:30

YANBU- It is horrific the way we treat people with mental issues. They should be provided with a list of things to have ready for when a flat comes up.

As a side note that bailiff is fantastic.

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