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(99 Posts)
BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 07:27:19

Ye olde poo knife thread..

Given the voracity of opinions on the poop knife, I wonder if Mumsnet js pro knife, OR more in favour of the traditional loo brush?

Link to poo knife on amazon

I mean to me, a loo brush is for cleaning the bowl after you've flushed to remove any bits that have stuck to the bowl, not for dividing a terribly large turd. You cannot properly clean a loo bowl with a knife alone. AIBU to suggest that if things are to be effective we must have both?

What do we think, Mumsnetters?

SimultaneousEquation Tue 23-Jan-18 07:32:20


Return my brain to its unsullied state, damn you OP. I want to un-see, I want to un-see!


IHaveACuntingPlan Tue 23-Jan-18 07:36:18

We don't need a poo knife here, or really a big brush; instead what we need is a rammer-downer with a flexible head that can shove everything down properly (note: everything is actually flushable. None of those wet wipe things here...)

BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 07:42:59

What about a utensil that starts off as a brush, but you push a lever where the bristles retract into a flat sort of tube that seals off into a knife shape?


Take ONE poo destroyer into the bathroom, not two!

I know i know I'm a terrible person..

Ifailed Tue 23-Jan-18 07:43:21

The answer is a brown toilet.

Ifailed Tue 23-Jan-18 07:44:48

like this:

BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 07:46:02

@Ifailed you are a total legend.

WingMirrorSpider Tue 23-Jan-18 07:47:18

Or coat the toilet bowl in a frictionless coating. The poo’ll slide right off! ™️

Enirroc Tue 23-Jan-18 07:51:27

The poo knife that you link to is a silicone thing for cleaning with though... A bit like a silicone spatula for emptying bowls in the kitchen... So it should clean effectively. The real question is- will it be stiff enough to actually cut poo, it is it too flexible?

Dagnabit Tue 23-Jan-18 08:05:24

But where would you keep all this poo memorabilia gadgetry if you had a small bathroom? No bathroom cutlery drawer in these here parts...

marmitedoughnut Tue 23-Jan-18 08:08:31

What use is a poo knife without a poo fork to hold the fucker still though?

As soon as you try to chop the bugger it will just swim about avoiding the knife, a poo fork would hold the bastard still while you administer the coup de grace.

Rebeccaslicker Tue 23-Jan-18 08:09:53

The answer is simply AMPLE SPONGE.

You're welcome!

Sgtmajormummy Tue 23-Jan-18 08:11:07


BlindAssassin1 Tue 23-Jan-18 08:14:15

Well, Enirroc, the review questions suggest it can be used as a 'cutlass' to chop up tough jobbies. HTH

Enirroc Tue 23-Jan-18 08:17:58

Sorted then @BlindAssassin1

BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 08:19:40

@marmitedoughnut but by the sounds of it, some people are producing such mammoth logs that there is no swimming about. They're well and truly lodged in the bowl to the point that you could sink battleships with them.

I do take your point about a poo fork though. One should probably have a full set of toilet cutlery to be civilised.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally Tue 23-Jan-18 08:21:23

We have a poo spatula. (( silicone ))

Fab for chopping and scraping and cost £1 from Poundland. It even matches my paintwork 😋

Ifailed Tue 23-Jan-18 08:22:48

One should probably have a full set of toilet cutlery to be civilised Should you work from the outside in, if you are having a cleaning session made up of a few courses?

loulou987 Tue 23-Jan-18 08:23:35

AGHHHH ..... poo knife sounds useful but god forbid you are risking the inevitable.... that the poo knife ends up put back in the kitchen drawer by some innocent visitor/family member that thought they was doing you a favour. No poo knife needed here (phew) Although I also think the brown toilet is a good idea 💩. Unless poo knife was kept in a clearly labelled box / bag ( to prevent the unthinkable return to the cutlery draw ) I certainly wouldn't entertain one.

You enjoy your poo knife though OP 👍🏻

SaucyJack Tue 23-Jan-18 08:26:54

You'd get a hanging companion set for it Dagnabit. Bit like this, but for the shitter instead.

whiskyowl Tue 23-Jan-18 08:40:05

I could not use the poo cutlass without pretending to be Jack Sparrow.

Brings a whole new meaning to a dark rum.

BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 11:19:05

@Ifailed perhaps they would be wall mounted AROUND the loo using the loo bowl as a centre piece.

BattleCuntGalactica Tue 23-Jan-18 11:20:33

@ItsAllABitStrangeReally so does one assume your family deposits are too big to flush on their own for the most part? Or is this more a scrape away the evidence thing?

Dagnabit Tue 23-Jan-18 12:03:04

Actually SaucyJack*, I think that set would do the trick and look classy, no?

Battleax Tue 23-Jan-18 12:05:05

Thick bleach, in lavish quantities.

Something else that isn't popular on MN.

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