I know im in the wrong place, but this is the only part of mumsnet I can really get around.
Ive been wondering recently, how do you rebuild yourself when medication and CBT havent really worked?
I dont really know what else to do, I do have depression, anxiety, and BPD.
I have put in place strategies to try and control the aspects of BPD, Ive also got strategies for the anxiety-they dont always help, but i can atleast say its a forward moving process. I have tried lifestyle modifications for the depression.
I cant shake the fact that my confidence is on the floor, people comment on how low my confidence is quite often. Ive put a lot of effort into trying to be a positive, supportive person to people around me, ive tried to put out positivity out there, in hopes that maybe that will effect my outlook, and I will feel like a better person.
The thing is, this belief that I am a bad person, that im inadequate, literally rubbish is stopping me from being able to do anything.
The thing is, our life isnt bad, I have a lovely daughter, and a wonderful supportive husband, our life is outwardly quite nice, but im always dissatisfied.
I find myself thinking, life would be so much better if we had more money, i would be able to treat my daughter and husband, but I keep doing this to myself knowing that I will get a job, and I will feel so inadequate I run away, if I listed the jobs ive had...none of them are even remotely related. Its like every time I start a new job, its like I feel like "this is me, this is who i am, this is where i show im not useless" then i prove myself to be useless and it takes months to recover from the battering that gives my confidence and sense of self, all to do it again as soon as im feeling slightly better.
i dont know, im just babbling and hoping someone may know a cure for the way I feel.
Ive felt this way since I was about 17/18. i feel so broken, and because I feel so bad I comfort eat to excess, I try to go on a diet, but i also dont think im worthy of having a better body. my body as it currently is, is very ugly and represents who i am on the inside.
I really want to change. i just dont know how.
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How do you rebuild yourself?
21 replies
hungryhippo90 · 21/01/2018 23:05
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