To say you don’t leave a 7yr old home alone?

[PsychoPumpkin]

So as not to drip feed, here’s the brief history between my DD1s Dad & I.

I had DD when I was 18 & he was 20, he left us when she was 6 months old.
She is 7 now and he has had her EOW since the split.
He has a long term GF, i’m Married & have had two more children.
We all get along & communicate well.

The issue is that I have picked our DD up from his house this evening & she has told me that he left her home alone while he picked his GF up from work. She couldn’t give me a length of time more specific than ‘about a quarter to a half of a Harry Potter film’.

She said she was fine and ‘entertained herself’ But was left with no way to contact him if she was in any trouble. She’s a sensible girl but I wouldn’t leave her home alone, she’s accident prone.

I haven’t asked her dad about it yet because I know that no harm came to her, but I’m annoyed because I know that it could have done. I feel it was seriously poor judgement.

How do I handle this?

[Momo18]

I'd be fuming tbh

[DotCottonDotCom]

That’s not on. She’s still way too young IMO and I agree with you - what if something happened?!

[moita]

I would ask him definitely - to try and get the whole picture.

But no, not acceptable in my view at all!

[HuskyMcClusky]

No, that’s not okay.

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

Not Ok. Why didn’t he take her with him? Age ten minimum here, and then only for half an hour while in local area and with phone etc and neighbours on standby.

[TheweewitchRoz]

Agree with the others - completely unacceptable.

[mirime]

I was left alone at home when I was 7. I had chickenpox, my mum had to go shopping. I liked it. So not completely against the idea, but it obviously depends on the child, so if you think your DD isn't ready YANBU.

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

Unacceptable and I would not be happy whatsoever. Age 11 before secondary but not at 7. Too young to be home alone or outdoors unsupervised.

[PsychoPumpkin]

I have no idea why he didn’t take her with him. I’ve text him to ask but I’m expecting a denial.

[ludothedog]

At this age I would leave my DD at home for short periods of time. It is perhaps a little young but she was at home safe watching TV. As long as she has rules to follow, and you say yourself she is a sensible girl.

[Chocolate50]

As you communicate well have a chat with him or his gf - depending on whose likely to be more honest with you. Really he needs to know she's too young to be left alone. 7 is way too young

[ludothedog]

Does your child never get to go out and play without adult supervision, to walk to the shop or to school? Seven is perhaps a little young but certainly old enough to be given some independence.

[TornadoOfToys]

Where I live, people will pop to the shops or collect someone and leave their 4 year olds at home. I've left my DS when he was 7 either glued to the ipad or tv for 10 minutes or so to pick up DD. The first few times I left my ipad locked on Facetime so he could call me if he needed me. Now he's happy without that. I think the main thing is that she was happy to be left.
What actually happened? Did she refuse to get ready and ask to stay or did he say she had to stay?

[duckdarlington]

We leave 8 year old dd home alone for short periods of time, shes always been perfectly safe.
Like your dd said she 'entertained herself' and was 'fine' so what is the problem?

[PsychoPumpkin]

Ludo, she can go into the garden unsupervised but i’ve Never let her go to the shop unsupervised and school it too far for her to go on her own. She gets up before us and her siblings so will often go down and get herself a drink and put the TV on, so she is used to looking after herself in small ways.

[PsychoPumpkin]

Duck, the only real issue is that she had no way to call him. If he’d left her a way to reach out I’d have been less concerned. It was just her first time home alone and I do worry, perhaps too much sometimes.

[DancingOnRainbows]

Wow. I cannot imagine ever leaving mine alone at 7 or 8.

[PsychoPumpkin]

Tornado, she did say that she wasn’t given a choice to go with him. But was happy enough to be left as she was mid movie.

[TornadoOfToys]

How much before you? Because if it's 20 minutes or so, then it's not all that different to what her dad did.

[DancingOnRainbows]

She's 7 op. You are not worrying too much at all and if your dd repeated this to school im fairly certain it would be noteed as a safeguarding issue.

[Mummadeeze]

I would not be happy at all. I wouldn't leave my 9 year old for longer than 5 mins popping to the shop on our road. You need to make sure he understands he can't do this again.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

Age 10 is normal around here for a quick 5 min trip to the shops and build it up from there if child is sensible and aware of what to do in an emergency.
Most people do let their kids play in the street from around age 6 though which arguably is more dangerous - possibility of going into others houses and traffic etc.
It seems like what has happened is that your dd would rather have carried on with her film than sat in the car and he's made a judgement call and given in.
If you have a good relationship I'd have a chat with him about your concerns and see what he says. He may well agree that she's a bit young and he won't leave her again.

[PsychoPumpkin]

Tornado, yes, about 20 minutes but it isn’t really the same at all because if she had a problem, she could come upstairs and wake me, or her step dad and we’d be right there for her.

We don’t drive off with no way for her to reach us.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

Sorry x-posted.
I wonder why she wasn't given the choice. It would have been odd if him to say she had to stay home. Surely it would t have been much bother to strap her in the car?