To not have a 'runaway' fund?

[runawayfund]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting. I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher etc. She then told me she saves around £200 a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was.

It's a account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave the home or runaway for whatever reason. She said it's a bit of financial security for her should the worst happen between her and her husband. I asked if this meant she thought they were going I separate one day but she says they are very happy and she has no intention of leaving but also said every woman should have one. Now I'm wondering if I need to start my own runaway fund?! Although I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH. Had this always been a thing?

[PurpleDaisies]

I don’t either. I’d be gutted if my dh had one and I’m sure he’d feel the same if I did.

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

How would you feel if you discovered your DH was saving £200 a month in a ‘runaway’ fund. That is your answer.

[WillowWept]

It's not financially savvy to be wholly reliant for money on anyone. Including a spouse

Whether you need a "runaway fund" depends on whether you have savings, a job or other means of supporting yourself in the event that you wanted/needed to leave.

[Mybabystolemysanity]

I'd love to be able to afford to have one. I feel very vulnerable. If you can afford it, you should try and have something out by.

I keep a box of important documents etc so I can lift it quickly if I ever have to leave/the house is burning down. It makes me feel a little better.

[UpABitLate]

I think the idea is fine (financial independence is always good and who knows what is around the corner) but the name is a bit depressing if she has no immediate plans of running away!

[Sparklesocks]

I have heard of a ‘fuck off fund’ which is a similar concept (google it) but it seems to be aimed at younger women with little job security and no long term partner - so they can dip into it if these lost their job unexpectedly or their new boyfriend turns out to be abusive but they rely on him financially.

I don’t think it’s the same thing for married people though - especially those who are happy. There’s nothing wrong with saving for a rainy day but this seems very odd.

[PurpleDaisies]

sparkle hasn’t that always existed at the advice to try and have at least three months wages as savings in the bank in case you lost your job/other disaster?

[newtlover]

it doesn't have to be a runaway fund, it just needs to be an account that only you can access. Both dp and my salaries have been paid into a joint account for years, but I've always kept some money in my own name, so has he. You never know what is down the line. And where a woman is very financially dependent (eg tenancy/mortgage in his name, joint benefits claim) then it's even more important. I'd advise a woman in that situation to start saving in her own name, tell her dp it's for emergencies and if he queries it then start looking seriously at the rest of his behaviour.

[Gah81]

I have separate savings (as does DP) but only because I like having something to dip into should I feel like treating myself and it is nice knowing I do have a backup/some financial independence should anything happen (not just a break-up, but also ill health etc.)

Agree that calling it a runaway fund is a bit depressing!

[Love51]

I don't have a runaway fund. I do have savings which I suppose could be repurposed if needed. It isn't 'if' I will need the savings though, it is when as our car won't last forever. Wish I could save £200 without DH noticing a dent in the budget though.
I don't think DH has a runaway fund. He does have a credit card though.

[strugglingtodomybest]

I suppose I have, in the sense that I have savings. I'm the main wage earner anyway so it's not something I think about, but if I wasn't, I definitely would.

[Millybingbong]

When we got married MIL told us about hers. DH was gobsmacked and couldn't believe it.
We are all Christian and don't believe in divorce but you do never know what life might throw at you.
I have one but it is in plain sight. We save into an isa but these cannot be in 2 names so I chose me as I do more with banking.

[BossWitch]

One of my sisters in law had this for while, in the form of a car she wouldn't sell even though she didn't need it. A couple of us asked her why she wouldn't get rid of it and it turned out it was her 'escape fund' - she could sell it if she needed funds to leave the relationship. Turns out her mum, sister and all their female friends&family had them. I was pretty shocked and baffled at the time but thinking about it later I realised these were all women who had "married up" financially speaking and seemed to have made a deliberate choice in finding a well off man to support them. The whole escape fund thing seems to fit with this mercenary approach to relationships imo. I don't like it. Like a pp said, how would you feel if your dh had one? I would be fuming and pretty heart broken.

[Changednamesorry]

it's not a new idea and it's not a bad one either
In Yiddish it's known as a knipple. canyourelate.org/2010/09/07/everybody-needs-a-little-knipple/
call it that if you want but it is a good idea to have enough money to leave if you need to.

[Sparklesocks]

Possibly purple but there seemed to be a lot of articles about it a few years ago, specifically aimed at women who didn’t have secure income etc.

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

I don't have a runaway fund but have access to savings should I need them for whatever reason. I'd never hide them from DH though, that part is just weird unless the relationship is already in trouble.

She's sensible though to have some savings, too many give up work, lose the ability to self support and end up trapped as they can't leave because they don't have the means too.

[DramaAlpaca]

One of the best bits of advice my mum gave me was to always have my own money. Call it savings or a running away fund or what you like, it's there for emergencies. DH knows about it but not how much is in there. I haven't used it in almost 30 years of marriage but I like knowing it's there & that it's mine.

[travailtotravel]

I have access to my own money. God forbid I'd need it for that purpose but if I ever did, it's there.

[Allthewaves]

We have separate savings accounts that the same amount is transferred into after everything else is paid. We dip into them for stuff time to time but also ensured saved assets are spilt equally giving us both money should we split etx

[ourkidmolly]

I have reasonably substantial savings in my own name that my dh knows nothing about. Perhaps he has his own, I don't know or care really. I'm pretty sure he doesn't though. It's not about him particularly, it's about me. It makes me feel secure and in control. These are feelings I like. Our finances are fairly separate anyway although we own a house together and have a mortgage.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

Call it a “knocked down by a bus” funded. Anyone (male or female) who’s financially dependent on someone else should have en emergency account in their sole name, just in case.

My DPs only had joint accounts. When DF died very unexpectedly in his early 40s, it caused us (DM, DB and me) awful short term financial hardship because the accounts were frozen while his death was investigated. Things would have been very much easier at that dreadful time if my DM had had even a few hundred pounds set aside from which we could have bought food.

[PiecesOfHate]

I'm not working at the moment for various reasons, I have no savings or investment accounts that are solely mine, nor even a tin of money in my wardrobe. I'm potentially screwed, aren't I?

[MakeItStopNeville]

I have savings because, well, everyone should. They're not secret at all, DH are a little competitive over whose savings are looking the healthiest. It's most definitely not a runaway fund (that's honestly really weird in my eyes) and I'd be absolutely gutted if DH had one.

[singingdetective]

It was drummed into me from a very early age that I should absolutely always have my own money and never to be reliant on a partner financially... by my parents who have been married for 42 years so it obviously hasn't done them any harm!