AIBU to ask how you make ‘couple’ friends?

[Summerandgin]

3.5 years ago we moved a 3 hour drive away for DH’s job. It’s a lovely part of the world and we’re both pretty happy here.

I have been lucky in that I’ve managed to make quite a lot of friends through my hobby and also work. 3 of the friends that I have made up here have long term partners / husbands and we have done stuff with them before but tbh the husbands/ boyfriends generally seem to have their own friends and hobbies and aren’t that bothered about DH .

DH is annoying me slightly in that he has made no effort whatsoever to make any sort of friends up here. The only thing he wants to do when we have any spare time is go back to where we grew up and see our friends (especially his) there. That’s fine as I enjoy going back too and seeing my friends and our couple friends, but that hasn’t and wouldn’t stop me from making friends where we are now.

I feel guilty as I go out a lot with my single girl friends up here, or even the attached ones I seem to see on their own, just them and I and DH will either be working or their partners will be off playing golf/ rugby or something. (DH doesn’t play either or these and/ or doesn’t want to anymore due to an old injury 🙄) so he doesn’t come along either.

There are times (like today) when we have a rare Sat off together and we’ve been out and it’s been nice but Sat night is drawing in, we’re a young(ish) couple in our late 20’s with no children and we haven’t got anyone to go out with tonight. I’ve been invited out by one of my friends whose husband is at a rugby do but I don’t want to go as it means DH will be sat here by himself.

I really think we need to start making some ‘couple’ friends up here but I don’t know where to start. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve made friends but like I say, no one really that we could be ‘couple’ friends with, like the ones we have back ‘home’

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, any ideas?

[teaandtoast]

How did you make your original couple friends?

[TrinitySquirrel]

Yabu. Most people don't make couple friends until they have kids and are forced together at birthday parties.

Enjoy going out on the lash. I'd also be slightly concerned why as a childless woman in her 20s you would be on Mumsnet. It's not exclusive but it's a bloody weird place to hang out online for someone in those circumstances.

[AllButterShortbread]

I’ve never had couple friends. I tend to think you’re very lucky if someone you’re friends with has a partner that likes your partner. Most people with couple friends that I know have bonded (drunkenly) at each mutual friends weddings, or as pp says, by being forced together regularly at kids parties.

Could you organise an evening every now and again and invite your new friends and their partners?

[NewYearNewMe18]

In my experience you go to the local and begin to make friends within the community ... so get thee to the pub!

[NewYearNewMe18]

In my experience you go to the local and begin to make friends within the community ... so get thee to the pub!

[NewYearNewMe18]

In my experience you go to the local and begin to make friends within the community ... so get thee to the pub!

[Summerandgin]

Tea and toast- Our original couple friends are either a mix of mine or DH’s friends and their partners, but they’re all long term and we’ve been doing ‘couplely’ things with them for the past 7 + years.

I think the problem is stemming from the fact DH seems completely disinterested/ lazy about making friends up here, yet means on his weekends off that he’s bored which means I feel like it’s left to me to do the leg work in terms of organising us a social life. I’ve tried just leaving him to it and buggering off on my own with the friends I’ve made but it’s been 3 years now and that hasn’t pushed him to make an effort. The trouble is he just hasn’t gelled with any of the friends I’ve made up here partners

I’m a 29 year old childless woman Trinty. Hardly a teenager. I was first brought to MN by a ‘classics’ thread that a FB friend posted a link to on FB. I’ve been addicted to AIBU ever since. There are many childless women on here, so I’m not really sure I see your issue?

[Summerandgin]

Tea and toast- Our original couple friends are either a mix of mine or DH’s friends and their partners, but they’re all long term and we’ve been doing ‘couplely’ things with them for the past 7 + years.

I think the problem is stemming from the fact DH seems completely disinterested/ lazy about making friends up here, yet means on his weekends off that he’s bored which means I feel like it’s left to me to do the leg work in terms of organising us a social life. I’ve tried just leaving him to it and buggering off on my own with the friends I’ve made but it’s been 3 years now and that hasn’t pushed him to make an effort. The trouble is he just hasn’t gelled with any of the friends I’ve made up here partners

I’m a 29 year old childless woman Trinty. Hardly a teenager. I was first brought to MN by a ‘classics’ thread that a FB friend posted a link to on FB. I’ve been addicted to AIBU ever since. There are many childless women on here, so I’m not really sure I see your issue?

[NewYearNewMe18]

In my experience you go to the local and begin to make friends within the community ... so get thee to the pub!

[NewYearNewMe18]

In my experience you go to the local and begin to make friends within the community ... so get thee to the pub!

[RandomUsernameHere]

Neighbours?
Most of our couple friends are from work, DH and I used to work together. Now I don't work and we have moved, so our new couple friends are DH's work friends and their wives. Tricky though if you're 3 hours from your DH's work. Maybe the best thing to do is find out if any of your friends' partners have anything in common with your DH and if they do suggest going out the four of you.

[CanIBuffalo]

Any ideas about where she could go, New?

[IrenetheQuaint]

This is your DH's problem, not yours. I'd be wary of trying to set up a social life for him when he can't be bothered to do it himself.

[Fintress]

I'd also be slightly concerned why as a childless woman in her 20s you would be on Mumsnet. It's not exclusive but it's a bloody weird place to hang out online for someone in those circumstances.

Why on Earth shouldn't the OP be on here? I think you will find there are a lot of 'childless' women on here of all ages. Bloody weird you should think otherwise.

Local pub OP? Invite a couple of neighbours round for a drink. That's how we made some friends. Get a dog, that's how we met our very good friends!

[Liongirl111]

@trinitysquirrel ummm I'm a single female in my twenties that uses this site. Its an anonymous advice forum mainly aimed at women. There is a wealth of life experience people offer here that is amazing. It was this site that gave me the life advice i needed to end my previous relationship and start over. You can get more quality advice from women older than you and have 'been through it' than you can from others your own age that have no experience of it. I can also bet it's helped many other childless women.

Anyways OP me and my ex only had one 'couple' we would hang out with. I don't think there are that many 'couple' friendships in our age group. I think its mainly 'his friends' and 'her friends' for the most part unless its an occasion such as weddings, birthday parties etc, where couples would then happen to congregate by default.

Is your DH bothered by this at all?

[riledandharrassed]

I'm in my 20's and childless - read mainly during my commute on the train or when travelling... where should we be Trinity?

[Cornettoninja]

Pretty sure I was on MN in my twenties it's more than a parenting board and one of the few places on the internet that is majority female and not twee as fuckery.

OP, I think couple friends tend to happen orgically rather than forced iyswim.

Local pub is a good suggestion but other than that I think you just need to lose the guilt over cultivating your own friendships while encouraging your dp to create his own. Is he in to any type of sport or is there a hobby you both enjoy?

[chicken2015]

Hello, just wanted to say i know what you feel like we moved to new area and i wanted couple friends, i have used meet up app and found a few friends and their partners have meer my husband and we now meet up as 4

[Thinkingofausername1]

Hi op
You dh sounds like he's being a bit selfish. I think if he isn't willing to make new friends, then don't feel guilty at all to leave him sulking on his own

[elQuintoConyo]

DH doesn't get on with the male halves of my female friends. I don't get on with the female halves of his male friends.

Couple dinners would ovary-numbingly awful for me and ball-achingly dull for him.

So we go out separately and everyone's a winner.

[Sweetpea55]

Up where,,? Three hours away from where?

[DavidPuddy]

You can't force people into friendships. What's wrong going out just the two of you? Or if you do want to go out with your friend and DH also wants to go out, why can't he join and you go out all three together?

[PancakeInMaBelly]

Eww I take a major step back from friends who try to "couple date" us - yuck!
There are a few couples who we BOTH happen to get on with, but generally Im not going to force my mates reluctant OH On my DH it's just cringy

[PringlesPirate]

That’s not really fair trinity-squirrel

Can I also point out childfree. Not childless.

My DP and I have friends we do go out with together but we prefer to go out with our own friends. For the most part, my friends are mine. His are his. We can socialise together. But it feels a bit forced

[user1474652148]

We didn't have couple friends when we were young pre children as we were quite happy to go out just us most of the time ( make the most of it) or with our own friends occasionally. I wonder why you need to go out with other couples? Do you find evenings wth dh boring?
Once we had children we seem t have acquired lots of couple friends as others have said.
If I wanted more couple friends I would invite my friends with their husbands for dinner once a month and see who you bond with.
The more you see them the greater the bond. Don't expect your dh to be the same as you, or care so much about friends lots of men are like this