Dd is 13. I split with her dad when she was tiny, about 4 months old due to emotional, financial and physical abuse. He is a cunt.
However he has maintained a relationship with dd for the last 12 years. He took me to court (twice) for contact mainly as a way to continue punishing me. This contact has been eow until last march. Dd decided she no longer wanted to see him. This was 100% her decision. I have supported her decision. She made it because he was getting arsey over meeting her in town rather than me dropping her at her dads or my mums. It meant he had to find his busfare home (£1.50) as she refused to walk as it was about 4 miles all up hill.
I suspect this has been coming for a while. He won't work, makes littlw effort with dd and I don't think he has been very nice to her.
Anyway. Last year before she stopped going she told me she had spoken to her grandfather for the first time. Her dad has been NC with him for as long as I can remember but was very ill so had made contact. He died a short time later. He sent dd some belated birthday money in a card and her dad recieved some money when he died too. I don't know how much. Dd said it was a lot but I assume maybe a few hundred rather than thousands. She says he gambled it all away. Not my circus not my monkeys.
My dmum has told me that he has been in touch with her and asked for a copy of dds birth certificate. Apparently because his dad died of an illness related to mining his family is entitled to make a claim for compensation via the mining authority and because they are from Scotland this includes dd.
Dd never met this man. She hasn't been upset or missed out on a relationship with him because of his early death. She certainly hasn't suffered financially.
I have told my mum that if he calls again for the birth certificate to say I have lost it and dd isn't interested. I am going to discuss it with dd but I am pretty sure she won't be interested in benefiting financially from his death.
But aibu to think that this is in pretty bad taste? His immediate family, especially his wife of course are entitled to the compensation. I am not sure my ex is morally entitled to money from the death of his father who he hadn't spoken to for at least 15 years and wasn't financially dependent on. But that's up to him. Aibu in not facilitating dd from benefiting from the death of this man? Of course her father might just get a copy of her birth certificate himself and make a claim on her behalf but I can't stop that. I can't see dd wanting it anyway and would imagine if her father has access he will spend it anyway.
Sorry it's long. Didn't want to drip feed.
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Aibu to think he is a cf?
18 replies
Frouby · 20/01/2018 15:56
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