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Left out?

(157 Posts)
Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:00:11

Feel a little shocked/upset.

My boyfriend (of three years) has been invited to one of his best mates weddings. The invite has come through the door is addressed to him and him only and has no mention of a +1.

It looks as though the bride-to-be has written it, rather than his friend. But still?

ThisLittleKitty Sat 20-Jan-18 13:01:51

Maybe it's a small wedding? Yabu they can invite who they want

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz Sat 20-Jan-18 13:01:58

Whats the problem?

Its genuinely assumed people can take +1s to a wedding.

And he's their friend, you arent.

Sadly you're "only" a girlfriend if you get me.

You can still go obviously!

Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:02:56

It's not a "small one". I've heard plenty about it.

I just thought the norm would be to make it clear you're allowed a plus one that's all

BigBaboonBum Sat 20-Jan-18 13:04:04

I disagree with PP, you can’t just show up to a wedding if there isn’t specifically a +1!
Maybe ask?

Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:04:57

@BigBaboonBum I thought that too!

ThisLittleKitty Sat 20-Jan-18 13:06:01

Well she obviously doesn't want you there and it's her wedding and your not her friend so again yabu.

Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:08:04

Ok. Thanks.

slothface Sat 20-Jan-18 13:08:14

Do they know you? If you've met them regularly it seems a bit off but at the end of the day it is their wedding and they can invite who they want. I wouldn't just assume there's a +1 or turn up anyway!

Snowysky20009 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:09:08

Plus ones are always on the invite- please don't just turn up!

Obviously they do not want you there as part of their special day. They value your boyfriends friendship to invite him, but maybe that's as far as they see it. Sorry.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sat 20-Jan-18 13:10:44

I don't think plus ones are hugely standard anymore. I think it's much more common to either invite someone "and family", if there are kids; or someone and their partner, if you know them, but I've been involved with planning/attending a fair few weddings, both professionally and personally, and very few pay for random "plus ones".

I wouldn't be too disheartened. Do you know them well? Maybe BF can ask if you can attend.

Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:11:14

I've met the friend lots but not the girlfriend. They've sent gifts to our son etc so I don't really understand.

But if I'm not invited then fair enough. Just a little shocked and feel a bit cut off from his friends.

I certainly won't turn up uninvited. Don't worry 😂

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Sat 20-Jan-18 13:14:20

Houses and spouses. If you have a son together then I assume you live together? He isn't just a bf, he is your partner who you live with and share your life with? If so, it is rude to invite only him imo.

knowWhenToHoldEm Sat 20-Jan-18 13:15:45

Are you saying you've never met her or "not a lot"?

Either way you're being a bit overweight worrying about this. Neither rude nor probably anything else to be read into it.

Pingu30 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:16:11

Yes, we live together. Have a son. We are engaged and planning our wedding.

I don't know the woman, but I personally wouldn't have DREAMED of not inviting her to ours. I just find it a little strange and feel upset. But obviously the majority think I'm unreasonable so maybe I'm wrong!

Taylor22 Sat 20-Jan-18 13:16:13

If you haven't met her at all in 3 years then you're not that close.

knowWhenToHoldEm Sat 20-Jan-18 13:16:39

Overweight = over sensitive!!!

Tallia Sat 20-Jan-18 13:16:42

No one I know would generally assume you can bring a plus one to a wedding unless it's explicitly stated. And most people would be annoyed if you did.

However OP I feel like there's not enough info to go on to determine if YABU. Do you/ how well do you know the groom/ bride to be? Are the partners of other friends being invited?

If you are the only one who's been left out you'd be right to be annoyed, if they've invited a group of friends without any of their partners I'd say yabu. Plenty of people have large families and lots of people they'd like to invite to a wedding but can't due to financial/ space restrictions. If you're not related to either of the couple and barely know them, you're a fairly obvious person to cut.

Tallia Sat 20-Jan-18 13:18:20

Sorry x-post with PPs

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 20-Jan-18 13:19:05

Well, if the groom is your bfs best friend, he can ask and clarify, can't he?

Oldraver Sat 20-Jan-18 13:20:05

Well that's one less for your wedding...if you have never met her

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 20-Jan-18 13:20:23

it's her wedding and your not her friend so again yabu. I can see the obvious error in that - where does the groom fit in?

Petalflowers Sat 20-Jan-18 13:25:42

If you have been together for three years, live together and have a child, you are hardly a casual girlfriend. I’m surprised you are not invited, unless it’s a small wedding (and/or ‘no children’).

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Sat 20-Jan-18 13:25:57

Well if you're wrong then so am I! I think that is terrible behaviour. We had to draw the line somewhere when planning our wedding but we invited spouses and long-term partners. Tbh my DH would kick up a stink as would I if it was my friend. We've never had to though as our friends aren't arseholes.

SassySausageSupper Sat 20-Jan-18 13:26:58

If I was the bride and I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t invite you either. Sorry.

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