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Friend sleeping with toddler still awake

(196 Posts)
Pinkypieeyed Fri 19-Jan-18 23:14:13

Bit worried about a friend who is pregnant with her third. She has a 7 year old and a 3 year old. She's been going to bed in the day and setting an alarm to wake her up in time for the school run. However her 3 year old is being left to her own devices during this time. Should i talk to her or AIBU in thinking this is potentially unsafe?

OP’s posts: |
sunshine11 Tue 23-Jan-18 16:28:43

Sounds like she's exhausted. Instead of bitching about her parenting skills on Mumsnet why not offer to have her child for a week hours so she can get a rest. Or offer to pay her a child gate?

BattleCuntGalactica Mon 22-Jan-18 13:40:01

You're in the daily mail!

tinkerbellone Mon 22-Jan-18 08:42:23

I used to do this all the time. I'd leave my 3YO to play and I'd have a snooze. I live in a bungalow and could hear everything. (Very light sleeper also).
I agree child safety is important - i would tread carefully - I would've been very upset if anyone mentioned child safety to me.

He11y Mon 22-Jan-18 06:07:58

If the social worker posts are genuine, which I highly doubt, they are doing nothing for the profession by posting about cases on an open forum!! It would be so easy for the parent or anyone involved to know the poster is one of two people! Unprofessional and bang out of order and should involve a disciplinary if this posts comes to the attention of their managers.

As for napping with a three year old - I’d be more concerned about a parent going to bed than one who puts on kids tv and dozes while snuggled up with their child on the sofa. There’s lots of potential scenarios in between and, while not ideal, in the real world, parents do sometimes sleep when their children are awake.

Life isn’t perfect - most parents are doing their best. I’m not saying it’s ok to sleep with a young child in the house but be careful how you approach this as real life and real parenting isn’t clear cut.

Mammasmitten Mon 22-Jan-18 06:04:44

YABU. You need to mind your own business. The child is 3 yrs old in their own house with their pregnant mum having a nap. The house has probably been child safe since the first one was born. Most three year olds don't need a parent constantly within arms reach or in the same room. They are not babies or toddlers anymore. Pregnancy makes you very tired. Parents have to find ways to meet their own needs as well as their children's needs. A well rested mommy is going to parent better, concentrate better and probably drive better too. A burnt out, exhausted parent is not the safer option. Have you witnessed evidence of a lot of injuries, hospital visits, other signs of neglect with your friend's children? No? Then, she's managed to keep them safe from harm without your interference so far. Be a real friend and drop the judgemental attitude and trust that she knows what she is doing. Respect that she is their parent, not you. She knows what her children are capable of and the level of supervision they need.

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 22-Jan-18 00:44:20

Thank you smile

Runlikeabull22 Mon 22-Jan-18 00:42:08

Nobody has the right to ridicule or disbelieve you sweetheart. If it affects your life and makes you feel awful it's a real illness and you deserve as much care and compassion as the next person. Sending love ❤️ And best wishes to you x

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 22-Jan-18 00:36:05

Thank you. I was dreading your response actually. I do appreciate it isn’t easy for others to envisage what life is like for a person being forced by their illness to live some kind of life sentence, which is neither life nor death. A life sentence, where I am ridiculed and/or disbelieved by a large number of individuals including many in the medical profession. When I am feeling better even i struggle to see just how hard it was myself. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism. I do know though that this disease has made me a better and more compassionate person. I am forced to face my fallibilities and mortality.

Runlikeabull22 Sun 21-Jan-18 23:59:34

Sincerely hope your not x

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 21-Jan-18 23:57:23

I am not in the slightest depressed btw.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 21-Jan-18 23:55:11

I would swap my ME for what my Dead father went through with cancer. I only witnessed his last 2 bouts of cancer, the latter of which killed him.

Runlikeabull22 Sun 21-Jan-18 23:50:36

Just the cancer and 15 years of palliative care nursing. Any one of the young people I nursed in those years would have swapped their last month of life for ME

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 21-Jan-18 23:39:54

Have you had both then?

Runlikeabull22 Sun 21-Jan-18 23:27:40

I have no problem with reading thanks. If a doctor likened ME to end stage cancer he is a complete knob!! A woman in remission does not exactly have one month left to live. There is no comparison here

Babyroobs Sun 21-Jan-18 23:15:54

Someone I know did this. Her three year old managed to let herself out of the house and was founx a few streets away.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 21-Jan-18 23:05:12

Runlikeabull
Do you have problems with reading? This isn’t what I said. It’s what a doctor likened the symptom to. How would I know, I’ve not had cancer. And not many people with cancer have had ME. I have read an article by a woman, who said her particular cancer was worse than her particular ME. But that’s just one individual and she was in remission. Just because ME isn’t considered a serious and potentially life threatening condition in this country, it doesn’t mean it isn’t in other parts of the world.

Runlikeabull22 Sun 21-Jan-18 22:59:47

Your ME made you as tired as a person in the last month of life with stage 4 cancer?? Grow the fuck up!!!

Strygil Sun 21-Jan-18 22:55:31

If you have to ask, then you won't understand the answer.

Lillylou22 Sun 21-Jan-18 22:40:34

It’s a hard one, as many pp have said a little chat about the specific circumstances are In order. I won’t lie though I would have no way to broach the subject myself !
I wouldn’t intentionally nap with my LO when she was younger however, she has a terrible habit of jumping her stair gate at 4am and finding the biscuit tin! She was terrible and it gave me the absolute fear. My nephew on the other hand set fire to his mums kitchen age 3 when she was putting washing away in the room next door, stories like that make me concerned in this instance, kids at any age can be crafty and are far more capable of getting into big trouble quickly! I think the SS issue will have been more complex than just the Mum taking a nap. From a Health/ social care profetional perspective though I would be a little concerned about a SS worker going into such detail about a specific case on a social forum site confused

dontbesillyhenry Sun 21-Jan-18 22:38:14

What an utterly stupid comment...nothing bad could happen or it would have already? Ffs

Baubletrouble43 Sun 21-Jan-18 22:24:54

Get a nanny for the afternoon
Lol

Pooppants Sun 21-Jan-18 22:07:32

It's not u business really, the kid is safe, otherwise something bad would happened already. I did same when I was at home with my 3 year old. I napped for couple hours with him on the room next to me, he would play or join me, to tell the true was never a nap, more like a lie in and dose off, any noise would get me up and if he came ask me any question I would answer, on those couple hours I would have a half hour nap,but was nice to relax in a dark room and close my eyes. I also put the alarm more to remember to pick up the other from school, otherwise I would be checking the clock every 5 minutes. I would put the alarm even if I didn't intend to have a nap.

Annette69 Sun 21-Jan-18 21:52:33

If your 3 year old is up making sandwiches in the middle of the night, then sorry there is a problem there.

cherish123 Sun 21-Jan-18 21:45:16

She sounds a bit pathetic.

Is the 3yr old sleeping too? If not, it is a bit irresponsible.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 21-Jan-18 21:42:54

@MotherofaSurvivor

I’m surprised of your diagnosis I assumed everyone with full blown ME has sensory issues. These are caused by the body being on high alert as it has to use all resources all of the time. Additionally, our bodies do not recover as quickly as a correctly functioning body. There are people, who have ME very severely. So much so that they are completely confined to bed, wear blindfolds and ear defenders in a darkened room. Have you not read about them?

I had it nowhere nearly as badly as this. Mine was severe and at the moment it is moderate to severe. At my worst, I was incapable of placing an online food order, I actually couldn’t do it for a couple of years. I have very little memory of two months of my life. Perhaps you have it more mildly.

As I said, sensory issues are a reality with ME. If someone screams near me or shouts in my ear for example, it can cause totally sensory overload causing me to collapse and unable to move.

Please do not assume you speak for all of us just because you have a diagnosis.

What you have said about fellow sufferers is disgraceful. You do not know my child, the precautions my dh and I took, her maturity levels at the time and her personality.

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