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MIL wearing white

(416 Posts)
2016mumma Fri 19-Jan-18 19:33:53

Hi all,
So I don't drip feed but too long to write it all down...so slight overview incase it's relevant.
My MIL and I always got on brilliantly until my DS was born a year ago, since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will infront of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of it's what Grandmas do. That's a whole different thread.
We get married in September and yesterday MIL announced she was wearing a off white dress for the occasion. AIBU to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?
I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me ( although this is something she would do) she always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with DS.
If I am being reasonable in that it's not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace.

JustHooking Fri 19-Jan-18 21:12:20

Let your DP talk to her
Tell her it's fine to wear white but she will have to stand at the back in all the photographs so it doesn't look strange

Lweji Fri 19-Jan-18 21:12:34

Off white is totally different to white though. It’s probably a cream or grey.

Off white is neither cream nor grey. Otherwise she'd have said cream or grey.

debbs77 Fri 19-Jan-18 21:13:55

Are you the lady whose had the premature baby and gone back to the hospital to find your MIL holding him?

2018SoFarSoGreat Fri 19-Jan-18 21:20:18

I just checked through several pictures of weddings I've attended over the last two or three years and the MOG and MOB are mostly wearing ivory/cream/gold or silver, all very pale and all very beautiful. The group pictures look lovely too. I suspect this is one of those rules that has gone (is going) away.

Still, if you've objected she has no business going ahead. Not nice.

TickyTakky Fri 19-Jan-18 21:22:26

I disagree with practically everyone 🤦🏻‍♀️ I just don't get the issue with wearing white. It's a summer wedding and as long as it doesn't look like a wedding dress I don't get the issue. I get that the MIL sounds like a mare but I'm a bit hmm at all the posters who think it would be great if the MIL gets 'humiliated' at the wedding and hope th guests all bitch about her. Why would anyone want all that nastiness at a wedding. Even if I didnt like my MIL I would be upset if my other guess starting 'whispering' and bitching about her. Thankfully I dont had friends like that.

OP, would it be better if you simply politely asked her not to wear white as you would prefer to be the only one wearing white on the day.

BTW OP, have you seen your MIL dress? Might it not be that white.

Dipitydoda Fri 19-Jan-18 21:24:31

Tell her it’s a Star Wars themed wedding and her character is today so you will be providing a today outfit for her to wear

Dipitydoda Fri 19-Jan-18 21:24:58

Yoda bloody autocorrect

Wakeuptortoise Fri 19-Jan-18 21:26:37

My pil like to whip out a cake or talk my toddler for a 'walk' and buy him a large ice cream just before a meal. Then complain when he doesn't eat said meal. They say it's gp prerogative to spoil him. confused
I did kick off on that one. Then Mil burst into tears and fil stormed off. Luckily they live hours away so we don't visit often. Fil usually lasts 2 days before instigating a fight.

Thistlebelle Fri 19-Jan-18 21:27:04

Thankfully I dont had friends like that

Ticky either you are delightfully sweet natured and naive or your friends and family are saints.

Schlimbesserung Fri 19-Jan-18 21:30:13

She's trying to upset you. Be spectacularly unbothered. She'll try something else, which you can also be unbothered about.
She needs drama. Cut off her supply.

mimibunz Fri 19-Jan-18 21:35:44

Silly cow should know better. Ask her if she wants to be the bride!

Ethylred Fri 19-Jan-18 21:45:58

How is she your MIL if you're not married?

Yes, I know, more grammar trolling. But someone has to do it.

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 19-Jan-18 21:46:33

I went to a wedding last year where a young female guest (friend of the groom) wore a very slinky sexy full length pure white dress with no trimmings or floral bits

I think you were at a wedding where the friend was in love with the groom........

GummyGoddess Fri 19-Jan-18 21:57:31

You know what it makes me think when I see people wearing white at weddings? They either:

- Want to upstage the bride because they don't like her and want to make it known to everyone how much they dislike her

- Want to marry the groom

- Think that the people getting married are unimportant and that they should be the focal point of the day

Does your MIL really want to look like she wishes to marry her own son? Or that she's announcing that she doesn't like you on your wedding day? Or that she thinks you and your DH are unimportant and your day is about her not you two?

I feel bad for you, but I also feel for your poor husband. Despite how difficult your MIL is being, she's still his mother and I assume he loves her, will he not feel awful when he hears what people are saying about her on his own wedding day?

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires Fri 19-Jan-18 22:03:48

OP is your STBMIL a "Social Climber" eg a "Mrs Bucket sorry I meant Bouquet" type person? if so, ask her this:- WWDS* about MoB/MiL wearing white?

*What Would Debretts say?

Whatwouldkeithrichardsdo Fri 19-Jan-18 22:10:21

It's not the bride who looks stupid but the guest who turns up in white. My MIL did something quite similar. She wore cream and white. Looked so inappropriate. Let her make a fool of herself, best to ignore.

Opaldaisies Fri 19-Jan-18 22:18:34

IMHO. MILs who wear white (or cream) are trying hard to get up their DIL's (to be) nose. But they only make themselves look foolish.

It's very tempting to call her out on it. But not in a down to earth "Look, I'd prefer it if you didn't wear white" way. OH no. That just plays into her hands as she knows she's got up your nose and then she still has the power -will she or won't she wear white?

If you say anything, I think it should be in an amused tone so she doesn't know if you're really annoyed or not. Get the conversation on the topic of wedding wear and then say something like "Gosh MIL, you're brave wearing white, you know! The last wedding I went to where the MIL wore white everyone was talking about it... I heard someone say "Is she here to marry her own son?" <tinkly laugh> That's all you have to say. No need to spell out anything else and it can be passed off as a funny anecdote. But it'll definitely make her think twice as at the moment she'll only be thinking about getting up your nose, not how it looks to the rest (or at least some) of the wedding party.

Berthatydfil Fri 19-Jan-18 22:26:47

Could your dp guffaw loudly when she tells him and then say “omg mum everyone will be laughing at me thinking my mother wants to marry me,” then add more seriously “but wear what you like everyone will be looking at 2016 not you anyway”

FlippingFoal Fri 19-Jan-18 22:38:37

She likes feeding your D'S chocolate? If she turns up in white, let your son have all the chocolate he can manage to get on his fingers and face and plonk him on her knee ;)

LexieLulu Fri 19-Jan-18 22:58:39

Just make sure you have a word with the photographer and make sure she's never next to you in photos... dump her at the end and make her look daft 😂

MissEliza Fri 19-Jan-18 23:00:51

This thread has reminded me that my MIL wore white to our (large, OTT) engagement party. I was actually wearing a red dress, which she knew. She said she'd been hunting for ages and the white outfit was the only one that suited. Now after reading this I think she was 'at it'. Oh well at the end she just looks sad.

Gindrinker43 Fri 19-Jan-18 23:02:25

Just enjoy your special day and let her look like the attention seeking fool she is, people aren't stupid and will all see her for what she is, (and quietly laugh at her).
Have and amazing time and enjoy every moment, no one is ever more beautiful than a bride.

HeebieJeebies456 Fri 19-Jan-18 23:22:10

If she does go ahead and wear white......wouldn't it be such a shame if you 'accidentally' spilled red wine/coffee on her.......grin

Withhindsight Fri 19-Jan-18 23:23:11

The wedding outfit is not the problem, everyone will see what she is like if she wears it, so smile and don't get riled by it. How she is privately and trying to take over with your DS is where you must stand up for yourself and as a pp said, go and get your child back if she is feeding him sweets etc and say why you are. Dont worry what she says/thinks, you are DS's mother and your job role includes being in charge, don't be afraid to be. When she cracks off, just say MIL I'm sure you were the same when DH was little. If she starts making life hell, a spilt drink like coffee or red wine could have got onto her seat before she sits down for the meal

grannytomine Fri 19-Jan-18 23:33:44

Tell her it’s a Star Wars themed wedding and her character is today so you will be providing a today outfit for her to wear She sounds like the sort who would insist on being Princess Leia. I wonder if she'd wear the white dress or the skimpy bikini?

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