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Please bring me down!

(203 Posts)
juddyrockingcloggs Fri 19-Jan-18 11:12:02

So, this will be a long one, sorry.

I suppose I'm chuntering on here because I don't want to say all this to my husband because it will get his hopes up too and I don't want to do that to him.

I need some advise to bring me back down to Earth a bit.

I have one son (6 years old) who is the result of 6 rounds of ICSI and immune treatment (clexane, high dose folic, prednisolone steroids) Our infertility issues are as follows - my husband had undescended testicles as a baby and the operation to correct this wasn't performed until he 3 years old, he has an EXTREMELY low sperm count with EXTREMELY low motility and our fertility consultant advised us that because his operation was performed so late this is the reason for his sperm count being so poor. Secondly I have MTHFR homozygous gene mutation, elevated ANAs and also a slight issue with my blood coagulation (sticky blood), I have no other issues with my fertility ie ovulation etc.

Me and my husband have never got pregnant naturally in the 18 years that we have been together.

After having our much longed for son and paying over £50k to get him we have just in the last few years got our head around the fact that we will not be giving him a sibling. We have taken him to some amazing places around the world and materialistically and attention wise etc he is a very lucky boy. He is our world.

For the last 2 years I have been on co-cymprindiol (dianette) for adult acne, about 4 months ago I came off that because I would have needed to by the time I was 35 (October) anyway.

So, I had a period in October as was normal, and at the end of November I had a strange day or two where I had brown bleeding very light and then that's it. Nothing since.

Now, as is always at the back of someone's mind when you would love another baby but knew you would never achieve it I have got 'the feels'.

What I would like to know is before I rush out to buy 80 grands worth of first response tests and building my fucking hopes up all over again for the first time in years, I would like to know if anyone has had first hand success with getting pregnant naturally with such poor fertility? Or do I just slap myself round the face and ignore it.

AIBU to even think that yes miracles could happen and risk sending me down a road that I have travelled so many times with no success. Only to end up heartbroken again.

Just to avoid drip-feeding when I say that my husband has an extremely low sperm count we're not talking low millions or even high thousands, we're talking five or six per sample.

Do I test and risk being destroyed again (because as stupid as it is I'm already visualising an happy ending) or I do just forget it all, wonder where the fuck my period has gone and continue on my merry way.

Sorry for boring you all.

Bathroomhell17 Fri 19-Jan-18 11:18:35

You are going to test anyways. Ive been there, you can't help it.

But if you can I just wouldn't. If you miss next period then I would least If you are indeed pregnant now then you would be futher along by then and things might be more hopeful. . . From information given you know it's probably not the case. But either way. A big unmumsnetty hug for you. flowers infertility is fucking shit.

fourpawswhite Fri 19-Jan-18 11:20:50

Handhold from me. Difficult decision. I'm not in the same position by any means but after five miscarriages and a failed IVF I understand your reluctance to test. In fact I promised myself I would never test again and if a miracle did occur I would not tell anyone until I had no choice in it.

With the last miscarriage I found the weekly scans and input almost as stressful as the miscarriage itself. Each week working myself up into that state of what if.

I think ultimately it is a decision only you can make. There's no harm in keeping it to yourself for now and adapting a what will be will be stance. Perhaps take some folic acid just to be safe

StylishMummy Fri 19-Jan-18 11:22:46

You'll drive yourself wild until you know one way or the other. Buy 3 different tests. Pee in a cup (first morning wee) and use all 3 at once. Then there's no ambiguity and you know for sure. Handhold thanks

Singlebutmarried Fri 19-Jan-18 11:25:24


If you can bear to wait, do.

However, would you feel better if you knew one way or another?


LemonShark Fri 19-Jan-18 11:26:31

In the kindest way possible OP, someone else's miracle pregnancy doesn't affect how likely yours is to happen or not. So other people's stories won't satisfy you, only testing will. I'd just test and then you know. It'll hurt you more hearing 'yep it happened to us!' and getting your hopes up yet you still won't know until you do it. And even if nobody has had it happen to them, you still won't be sure until you test. So crack on with it! I'm so glad you got your lovely boy.

Mischa123 Fri 19-Jan-18 11:27:10

i have no experience of this so i apologise if i say anything offensive and feel free to ignore and listen to those with more experience. If you dont test you are going to keep hoping and thinking that you might be even though you know it is highly unlikely. is it better to find out now that you arent rather than wait and carry on with that niggling hope? i feel like i would prefer to get that blow out of the way.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 19-Jan-18 11:27:56

Stress can bugger up periods.maybe that is it. Fingers crossed anyway. This I suspect you will be disappointed as you already hope. flowers

twotired Fri 19-Jan-18 11:28:29

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. Here for hand hold and to send well wishes, regardless of the result.

Perhaps do as PP said, use FMU and do three pink dye tests at once. Then there's no disputing the result, and you will know for sure, one way or the other thanks

GrumbleBumble Fri 19-Jan-18 11:30:39

Juddy I hate to give potentially false hope (because I heard 100s of once you've had your IVF miracle you'll have no problem having a one naturally stories - 7 years on and no sign of a longed for second here) but I know two women who were told they would never conceive even with treatment one is a mother of two (both naturally conceived) and the other is due her second (naturally conceived) in a few weeks so miracles do happen.

GreatDuckCookery Fri 19-Jan-18 11:31:02

Sometimes we have weird periods for different reasons so it could be that. Kindly, I think it's very unlikely that you're pregnant ( I would love to be wrong here ) but unless you test you're going to drive yourself daft wondering. flowers

juddyrockingcloggs Fri 19-Jan-18 11:33:28

Thank you all! And thank you for reading my war and peace post.

Yes, I suppose I should test and just get it over with. I hate buying the sodding things. I could have built an house out of them with the amount I bought over the years.

It's not going to be good news and I know it isn't but to give myself piece of mind it's a job that must be done.

I wish it could be different but it won't be.

Ah well. sad

Fanta4 Fri 19-Jan-18 11:34:42

You have to test now, otherwise you will continue to hope. I know how hard it is.

Rachie1973 Fri 19-Jan-18 11:35:13

I think I'd test for peace of mind to be honest.

Much love to you xxx

Tinty Fri 19-Jan-18 11:38:04

I came off Dianette in September and had a period in October then nothing until last week and it was really light (sorry for TMI) and I am definitely not pregnant. Sorry OP being on Dianette for a while can make your periods jump around a bit. Sadly my bad skin has come back already, so I have gone back on it.

I really really hope you are pregnant, but I think it maybe more likely that it is your body resettling to it's natural pattern.

Let's know if we are wrong though smile.

wintermonster Fri 19-Jan-18 11:40:55

I have done the same in the past and not tested due to infertility.

I found out I was pregnant very late on.
I wished I had just tested, but I knew I couldn't take another heartbreak and had promised myself I would never rest again

My non test is now 7 months old.
He also has undecended testicles and his first appointment with the urologist isn't until next month,

BifsWif Fri 19-Jan-18 11:43:19

Sadly I agree that it’s unlikely that you’re pregnant. I really, really hope I’m wrong though.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight Fri 19-Jan-18 11:53:52

I'd test, if only because while unlikely, it's not impossible, and if you are pregnant you should start the Clexane and folic acid etc sooner rather than later (homozygous MTHFR here too, plus Factor V Leiden - getting pregnant wasn't my issue, but I did have 6 mcs).

I really, really hope you get the result you want. flowers

Blackteadrinker77 Fri 19-Jan-18 11:54:17

Get to the shop!

Stop torturing yourself with the what ifs

Basseting Fri 19-Jan-18 11:55:30

I completely understand your reluctance to test.
If it is negative (most likely) then it is letting go of that dream again.
But, with each day of non testing, will it get harder to let go?
Or are you better waiting for your period to show?
Only you can know.
Many un-MNetty (((()))) to you though, and wishing you luck.x

hidinginthenightgarden Fri 19-Jan-18 11:55:33

My husband has exactly the same diagnosis as yours but I am lucky enough to have no (known) fertility issues.
We got pregnant 6 weeks after being told we could not conceive.

OhCalamity Fri 19-Jan-18 11:56:49

A friend had a failed vascetomy reversal, plus no ovulation. Did umpteen rounds of clomid, IVF, ICSI, then finally were on a waiting list for donor eggs with ICSI. Fell pregnant naturally and now has a child.

Another friend had a similar story and was gearing up for a donor cycle when she fell pregnant naturally.

I had no success getting pregnant untilround 3 of clomid. Had DS then I got pregnant a further 5 times when not TTC but lost all of them before 8 weeks. I'm done now, our family is different from the one we envisaged but I made my peace with that and I'm so grateful we got our family. If I got one of my pregnancy tells again, I think I would probably not test for ages, but that's because I loved those days of Shrodinger Pregnancy yes I just made that up and I don't think I could face the stress of waiting the inevitable loss again.

Either way, a big hand-hold from me.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Fri 19-Jan-18 11:56:57

I would assume it's unlikely tbh, to save on hoping and being disappointed. We had fertility issues and once we adopted everybody and their cat told us that we were bound to conceive naturally because 'it happens all the time'. It doesn't. I've only ever met one family that it happened to, and I'm pretty old and have met a lot of people.

Probably worth testing to set your mind at ease though.

Silvercatowner Fri 19-Jan-18 11:57:35

Bless you. Just test. It is so unlikely but miracles do (very occasionally) happen.

spugzbunny Fri 19-Jan-18 11:57:38

It certainly possible, things change, sperm counts change. It's also possible that you just haven't settled back in to a natural cycle after coming off the pill - it can take a long time.

Test and get it over with - you'll only end up working yourself up otherwise

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