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To be sick to death of hearing about the world of work from someone who's never worked?

(74 Posts)
MerryShitmas Wed 17-Jan-18 09:43:46

Which is, my mum. She's in her 40's. Had a job mucking out stables when she was under 16. Hasn't worked since (her choice).
Every time I speak to her about my job, not only does she try to give me pointers (which are 9/10 incorrect) but If I have a bit of a whinge, which I've since stopped, she'll say things like
"God, I wouldn't put up with that! I'd throw something at him and go home and never come back" (regarding fairly normal managerial arseholery, nothing illegal/discriminating/more than a bit annoying)

I've also been on the receiving end of
"God can you believe Jane couldn't come to x with me on Saturday? She couldn't get the day off. Pfft. Can't believe people let employers dictate to them!" 'Jane' is a nurse hmm grin

Today she's had a huge moan at me because my sister can't go over on x day because she has to work. My mum can't see why she can't just say no. When I point out sister could lose pay, be in trouble or lose her job my mums default response is "well she's very good at her job I'm sure she'd have a new one in no time!" Aibu? Think I just want to vent
I'm at the point of ignoring it and giving a sympathetic "mmmm" once in a while. It's really bloody irritating.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Wed 17-Jan-18 09:46:52

Ugh my dad can be like this, although he has worked his whole life and is about to retire.

His is more a ‘why don’t you just go self employed?’ which makes no sense. I’m earning a good wage and have a young family to support. I’m a project manager but have no formal qualifications so would unlikely get anywhere near my current salary.

Plus, I enjoy what I do on the whole. I just moan about it because, well it’s work?! Who doesn’t have a moan every now and again?!

BarbarianMum Wed 17-Jan-18 09:50:19

YAa bit U. You know that your mum has never worked (for pay). Maybe she's not the right audience for your rants about work if you're wanting a rezponse from someone whose been there?

araiwa Wed 17-Jan-18 09:51:09

Its probably her subtle way of telling you she isnt interested in listening to people moan about their jobs

The80sweregreat Wed 17-Jan-18 09:51:25

The world of work is much tougher than it was years ago -even in the 80s when i was job hunting i lost track of the amount of people that said ' you could walk out of one job, then straight into another that afternoon!' I didnt find it that easy to find work myself and ended up on a youth training scheme.
It is annoying, but there isnt much you can do except just nod and smile -its an employers market these days and they can hire and fire as they wish ( so it seems to me anyway)and has changed so much. its much more pressured. The only way she will find out any of this is by getting a job herself, until then there isnt much you can do!

zeezeek Wed 17-Jan-18 09:52:16

Yep. I have this a lot from various relatives who haven't worked since their early 20's who think that working is a very quaint thing to do for plebs (I have posh, annoying relatives).

Also annoying are the people who used to work long hours, but are now retired and have suddenly forgotten that it's not possible to meet for coffee in some remote pub in the middle of the day in term time!

And then there are the smug mummy brigade who apparently worked once, but now look down on the rest of us still on the treadmill.

MerryShitmas Wed 17-Jan-18 09:53:04

That's why I don't talk to her about it anymore (as mentioned in Op)
I don't think every person who's never worked (as an adult at least) has the same lack of awareness so it's not something I'd automatically assume though

MerryShitmas Wed 17-Jan-18 09:55:33

Would be plausible if it wasn't for the fact that more often than not (particularly now when I don't mention any work related issues) she's bringing it up to tell me how she can't believe x or y or that she "wouldn't stand for it" and would walk out and does what she wants anyway.
It's not like I'm bringing it up.

Mermaid36 Wed 17-Jan-18 09:57:50

Argh! My FIL is like this!
He has several failed businesses behind him and 2 bankruptcies.

He sold the family business because it was "boring"....
He sold his house/worldly goods a few years later to run a pub abroad, but was back (and bankrupt) after a year, then did the same again 3 years later.

Yet he insists on giving advice about work to my husband (his son) when he has no experience of the industry, and has never been as senior as husband is currently. Does my head in!

StopCallingMeShirley Wed 17-Jan-18 09:58:12

Sounds like my mother, who hasn't worked since before she got married aged 21 over 50 years ago. But still thinks she knows more about my profession than I do just because she likes animals. I am a vet.

FuckOffDailyMailCuntBastards Wed 17-Jan-18 09:58:20


My mum is like this but always worked until she retired last year.

However, the world of work looks very different now from how it did for most of her working life. She was a carer- permanent job, contracted hours, decent pension, good union etc. This, of course, coupled with affordable housing and my dad also having a job for life, good pension etc.My parents bought their house and did it up, we went on foreign holidays every year.

A couple in their 20s, one a carer, one a builder just absolutely wouldn't stand a chance of having the same sort of quality of life that they had. But, apparently, it's because young people are lazy and can't be bothered to save money nowadays.

The80sweregreat Wed 17-Jan-18 10:01:11

zeezak. i hate those types of people too - the mums and dad who judge away because people have to work for money to pay the bills.
having done all sorts ( worked full time with kids, worked part time, now part time but not many hours etc) i have seen and heard it all ( including being told i ' wasnt committed to my child' ) and i just feel so sorry for people trying to juggle it all with children.
Work is a tough place these days and those of us who remember the better days, when things were not so pressured are very lucky. ( not dissing any stay at home mums or dads by the way, just how some people can be about it all, they always believe they are the ones in the right!)

sonjadog Wed 17-Jan-18 10:03:00

It took my mother about 6 months to forget what it is like to go to work after she retired, after decades of being a teacher. So it wouldn't necessarily be different if she had had a job all her life.

iklboo Wed 17-Jan-18 10:08:41

DH is like this. He's been self employed for 12 years and is full of 'I'd just march into the office and say this' or 'I'd tell her to fuck off to her face' and ' just go and demand a pay rise / promotion'.

Except he wouldn't have done any of those things when he worked in an office. He did it once when he was 20 working in a fast food place. Makes him think he's Gene Hunt or something.

GameOldBirdz Wed 17-Jan-18 10:11:16

My job (academic) can be very political. You need to play the game, be diplomatic and realise that at times you're going to get shafted.

My retired mum is very quick with advice on when to tell people to fuck off, when to simply refuse work, when to call the union etc.

She's never worked in a professional-type job so never had to do overtime, never had to think about work outside of her contracted hours, never had to be seen to be "dedicated" or even to like her job. My work is very different.

It pisses me off no end.

Luckingfovely Wed 17-Jan-18 10:22:17

Oh my DM is just the same. Deep breaths, remember they are only trying to help (and scream fuck off five times silently in your head when you need to grin). Remember they won't always be here to annoy us like this.

PoorYorick Wed 17-Jan-18 10:22:56

Haha. This is my sister all over. Married a wealthy man (for love, I hasten to add), and has been an almost SAHM since their first child was born 12 years ago. No issue at all.

But she constantly tries to tell me how to advance my career, what I should be doing, etc etc. She has never worked in my industry.

I say she's an almost SAHM because she does occasionally do some work for her husband's company. She thinks this makes her an employment expert. During one conversation I'd had enough and told her we couldn't all get on by shagging the boss (oh come on, that's funny). Cue an almighty family row that took weeks to settle down.

She, and several members of our family, are convinced that I am just jealous because she is wealthier. I totally am, obviously, but the thing that pisses me off is a woman with next to no work experience, and certainly none in my industry, constantly giving me career and employment advice.

It is really irritating.

Bluesue26 Wed 17-Jan-18 10:30:44

One of the best things about not being with exh anymore is not having to listen to a relative of his bang on about how they'd do things in a work environment. This person has had 1 job in the 16 years I've known them and it lasted a week. Before that they'd only had 2 jobs and again lasted no more than 2 weeks. It's absolutely infuriating. There's no reason why they can't work, they just don't want to. It's this "knowledge" and "experience" they believe they have that's grating. Oh and the fact that it's ok for them to claim benefits because despite not paying into the system, their family members have so it's ok angry

toomanycreambuns Wed 17-Jan-18 10:32:02

My Mum is a bit like this. Did work but very part-time 'easy' job (i.e. not stressful, got out on time, etc.).

I came to the conclusion that she just couldn't comprehend what it was like to be out of the house 12 hours a day working full time in a full on job juggling multiple priorities with demanding and difficult bosses.

It is much easier not to talk about it rather than fend off some of her suggestions which were frankly just annoying. (i.e. struggling to keep on top of stuff at home as so tired was met with, "Well, write yourself a to do list.") confused

nannybeach Wed 17-Jan-18 10:34:14

MIL who didnt have to work was just the same, I was working nights, firstly in a Nursing home when I met her and later back in a busy general Hospital I always worked full time, at first 5 nights a week, she couldnt understand I was tired or needed to actually go to bed in the day, unfortunately, then, we had a phone you couldnt turn off, or unplug) every year she could not grasp I HAD to work Christmas and New Year, they didnt close the hospital! She used to say "but its Christmas" as though people dont get sick or have accidents!

kaitlinktm Wed 17-Jan-18 10:34:35

Grr - it makes me so mad OP. We had 2 relatives like this who hadn't worked for donkey's years (their choice) who used to corner my son at family occasions when he was out of work and give him useful tips on how to get work. hmm You know, things you wouldn't think of like dressing smartly for an interview and such.

Fortunately he has been working for some years now and we are NC with them for other reasons, but this is a bonus.

Efferlunt Wed 17-Jan-18 10:35:00

My DM response to any mention of work by me is that I’m working too hard. She worked in low level public sector type jobs most of her life and doesn’t really understand how hard it is now or that being professional is about doing more than the bare minimum and clocking off at five on the dot. She’s alway encouraging us to get signed off and flatly refuses to believe that neither my or DH have ever been signed off yet.

Trouble is my sis listens to this and is always having to attend occupational health referrals and the like because of her high levels of absence.

Tweety2067 Wed 17-Jan-18 10:35:44

Does your mum witter on that "everything is a waste of her taxes" too OP?

AdoraBell Wed 17-Jan-18 10:38:06

MIL is like this. SIL does CBT and when asked how work is going said “great, really good helping people etc”and MIL immediately asked her when she is going jack it all in?

PrimeraVez Wed 17-Jan-18 10:41:28

Arghhhh my mum is just like this. She is now semi-retired and the world of work that she knows is very different to the one that my brother and I are experiencing.

She thinks its ridiculous that I did unpaid work experience during my summer break from university (never mind the fact that they offered me a very well paid job to begin immediately after graduation)

She thinks its scandalous that my (pretty senior) brother checks his email or takes calls on a weekend or in the evening.

She thinks its outrageous that my company wouldn't give me more maternity leave than I was legally entitled to.

And she's always telling me to go self-employed, because that will be less stressful hmm

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