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AIBU?

Has anyone got a spade?

20 replies

Jamiefraserskilt · 16/01/2018 23:26

Wondering if iabu to want to pan dh right now.
I earn about 20k more than him. We have separate bank accounts. The house is in my name (his choice) and we have been together for over 20 years. So.. he pays a fixed amount into my account that represents around a third of the cost of running the household (food, utilities, kids, mortgage, insurance, council tax etc) excluding goodies, treats and holidays. The only other bills he pays are for his vehicles running costs (one is permanently in his workshop being procrastinated about). Meanwhile everything else comes out of my account including house maintenance, building work, holidays, christmas and birthday presents for kids and family, meals out, clothes, replacement goods like tv, washing machine, irons etc when they die, dental insurance and basically everything else. Last year things were tight. DS started driving and needed a sub for insurance, fuel etc until he got a job. Dh needed dental work not covered, glasses, car parts and garage bills etc. So decided not to contribute a bean for nearly five months. He then started putting some across but not the usual amount as he was covering the fuel for DS car. He is SE and had a meaty tax bill and not enough to cover it so on the understanding he paid me back, I dipped into my savings and loaned him the shortfall instead of replacing the dangerous path, patio and drive which is what I had been saving for.. Turns out the tax money he should have put by, paid for his new car. Still awake? As the year went on, some months were nearly paid in full and some were not. I ended up covering the whole Christmas expense plus around five tanks of fuel for DS because he was skint despite holding this back so he could cover the fuel cos apparently Dad's do that (?!). Every shortfall has been covered by me and by the end of the year, things were squeaky. Roll forward to 2018 and I spent time looking into PPI claims for both of us as time is running out. His bank was swift and paid back a nice amount that just so happened to be close to the amount I loaned him to cover his tax. I was waiting for him to say "Thanks for the loan love, here is your money" but it was not forthcoming. He then starts looking at wheel refurbishment and muttering about being able to afford it now and I went bang. He says that because of the family allowance and the money he pays over I should be rolling in it. That the savings I used to sub him are only there because he pays in and that is all history now So doesn't count. Never mind that I work hard too, do 90% of the chores and household management etc.
Am I right to think that I am justified in being slightly miffed (how British!) At his attitude.
Well dine for reading this by the way!

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 16/01/2018 23:31

Honestly? It all sounds far too complicated and hard work. DP and I pool all our money, neither of us tries to take advantage, we never have any resentments or falling out about money.

BlackeyedSusan · 16/01/2018 23:34

not someone I would like to pool money with. keep it separate.

Jamiefraserskilt · 16/01/2018 23:40

That works if your priorities align. We tried it and instead of ensuring work was done on the house when needed (part of the roof needed doing), he ended up buying a FO tv with all the bells and whistles to stare at. This replaced the FO tv that was ever so slightly smaller and still fully operational. After several priority issues (£500 wheels and £1500 paint job for his beloved metal beast instead of replacement flooring and glittering repairs) we decided to go back to separate accounts.

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 16/01/2018 23:40

Glittering? Guttering!

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LineysRuff · 16/01/2018 23:43

I've just read this twice.

He's an arse.

LineysRuff · 16/01/2018 23:44

You'd be happier and better off on your own.

Booboobooboo84 · 16/01/2018 23:46

Sell his car. The rat bastard

LineysRuff · 16/01/2018 23:46

You know what? I'd re-post this (and re-title it) on the Relationships board.

Chuck a few paragraphs in.

I think you'd get some very good advice. Flowers

Jamiefraserskilt · 16/01/2018 23:51

Ah but the patio is looking so tempting right now Lineys! My spade is a nice flowery little number too...

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UrsulaPandress · 16/01/2018 23:53

He is taking the piss.

alotalotalot · 16/01/2018 23:55

Yep he's an arse

LemonysSnicket · 16/01/2018 23:59

Because he puts money in?

Does he eat food and live in the house? Are thy his children?

It’s not like he’s an older child paying some rent he’s an adult who’s paying his, sometimes), share of his living expenses.


Arsehole. Plus, you loaned him and he’s reneging.

Julie8008 · 17/01/2018 00:01

Co-mingle your income or LTB, you have been together 20 years FFS . If you cant agree on spending priorities or come to a compromise then its the latter.

Butterymuffin · 17/01/2018 00:11

OK, if you want to stick with the arse, keep the separate accounts but have a household one that all the bills and costs come out of. You each pay into that in proportion to what you earn. Then what's left in your own accounts is your fun and personal spending. That way if he runs out of fun money, it's tough and he'll have to sideline the car or sell it. Don't sub him again.

Jamiefraserskilt · 17/01/2018 00:22

He said, I never said I wouldn't pay you back. Followed by, I never asked for any of the family allowance you get.
I told him 2 months FA paid his fecking accountants bill, six months covered the new fuse board and the rest covered DS's driving lessons, test and licence.
My flabber is gasted.
He has stomped off to bed and is currently snoring fit to wake the dead.
Can you hear snoring through patio slabs?!

OP posts:
LineysRuff · 17/01/2018 00:25

He doesn't sound very nice, tbh.

ijustwannadance · 17/01/2018 00:32

He sounds like a spoilt child.
I assume it's some sort of classic car he has?
Why do you keep filling up the petrol in son's car?

Jamiefraserskilt · 17/01/2018 00:34

I agree. Right now I am seething. I am not raising it again. The way I feel now he can take his PPI money that I applied for and his metal beasts and go move in with his mother. Fed up of being accused of being grabby. What's the betting he will deduct the amount DS will be paying in when he gets paid, from his contribution? I am not an animal person but right now a dog looks cheaper and less demanding.

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Jamiefraserskilt · 17/01/2018 00:42

Wanna dance. Not a classic car just an older top end european job which costs a fortune to fix and run but is his pride and joy.. the classic is the one in bits in the workshop. Son has just started work and has not been paid yet. He agreed to cover his fuel from June until he started work but then moaned and groaned and left him running on fumes too many times when he needed to get to interviews and then work so MOBAS here, stepped in again.

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ijustwannadance · 17/01/2018 01:16

He is just pissing away money on cars. Hreat to have a hobby but he needs a bloody cheaper one!

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