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To want to absolutely shake my 11 year old

(75 Posts)
notamummyname Tue 16-Jan-18 16:56:42

She's turned into a monster overnight. Everything I say is met with sighs, rolling the eyes. She's horrible about everyone, the minute she gets into the car it's just none stop negativity, impatience with her classmates, issues with her friends. I can't ask her to do anything, even come down to dinner, without a big huffy sigh and "ohKAY" in a nasty voice. I finally had enough today and have removed tablet and TV privileges after she slammed a door in my face. She will not get them back until she can speak to me and DH with respect and not with the disgusting attitude.

I am not a shouty mum and I have never laid a finger on her, but today I would have dearly loved to have given her a good shake and it was all I could do to keep my cool

Where has my lovely girl gone? Surely this can't be the teenage years already?

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Tue 16-Jan-18 17:01:42

I feel your pain. My DD is now 17 and there is a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel. Just a sliver mind.i tried to rationalise it as a completely normal transition - that she was just practising pushing the boundaries with a safe person yadda yadda but its been grim at times. Buckle up, expect the worse and hope for the best!

questabelletreetop Tue 16-Jan-18 17:01:50

Oh my gosh, I could've written your post OP!! I'm sad to say my ds is EXACTLY the same. He turned 13 on Saturday but has been this way for around 18months. I'm sorry I can't offer advice but I hope it's some comfort to hear that you're not the only one. I was shocked and so sad when the teenage negativity started at ELEVENbut I guess children grow up earlier these dayssadHang in there, everyone says they come back to us...thanks

Pengggwn Tue 16-Jan-18 17:03:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notamummyname Tue 16-Jan-18 17:06:28

I don't know how I'm meant to cope with 7 odd more years of it sad
She's such a bloody joy vacuum at the minute, nothing is ever good enough, nothing is OK, everyone annoys her even kids who she got on well with

She's a very bright girl who does extremely well in school, participates in extracurricular activities, has a good group of friends, she's absolutely nothing to be so bloody negative about! It's draining

Pengggwn Tue 16-Jan-18 17:08:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notamummyname Tue 16-Jan-18 17:08:45

Also my parents weren't particularly strict with me but I never would have dreamed of slamming a door in my mother's face - am I being too soft on her?

My mum has actually seen some of the behaviour and agrees that she's stroppy in a way I wasn't!

RandomMess Tue 16-Jan-18 17:08:49

It will come and go. Dealing with friendships and school does get harder at that age. They take it out on you! Not to mentions hormones when PMT is raging...

Thesmallthings Tue 16-Jan-18 17:09:40

Slammed doors get doors taken of untill they can learn not to treat my property like that.

It's a hard in between age not a child not a teen...age.. mine just turned 12 and thinks he's a 18 year old. Full off attitude one moment and wanting cuddles the next.
Things will get better.. they have to right?

notamummyname Tue 16-Jan-18 17:09:50

I could make it to 14 I suppose confused with wine

BabyLlama Tue 16-Jan-18 17:10:12

I remember actually being like that myself during my mid teens. I don't know how my poor DM didn't kill me out of sheer frustration at my attitude. I can't even explain why I was like that! But, it was just a phase and eventually things will improve with your DD

Pengggwn Tue 16-Jan-18 17:12:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notamummyname Tue 16-Jan-18 17:12:26

Good idea re removing the door.

I do hope there won't be a repeat of that. I went in after her and removed her stuff and was scary (I'm quiet scary not shouty scary) and she didn't turn on the tears as she usually does when she feels hard done by, so I think she realised it was too far. We'll see

Pengggwn Tue 16-Jan-18 17:12:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thesmallthings Tue 16-Jan-18 17:15:57

They can have privacy... When they don't slam doors....

Temporaryanonymity Tue 16-Jan-18 17:16:15

Yes, my 11 year old is exactly the same, although oddly by around 9pm he turns into an absolute delight. He is back to his usual stroppy self by the morning though.

Pengggwn Tue 16-Jan-18 17:17:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tink2007 Tue 16-Jan-18 17:17:34

Yep. Same here.

11 year old DD - can be an angel some days and then has the attitude of Satan on another. It really does my head in.

Whitelisbon Tue 16-Jan-18 17:17:53

We solved the door slamming by putting cheap plastic folding doors on. There's no satisfaction in slamming them at all.

NancyDonahue Tue 16-Jan-18 17:19:36

I feel your pain. I've got 2 dds.

My advice would be don't rise to it. If she wants to discuss something in a nice way she gets your undivided attention. If she's rude/tantrummy leave the room and get on with dinner, make a cuppa etc. I usually go into the kitchen, put the radio on and get busy with something. They eventually burn themselves out.

There WILL be lovely moments. Generally with mine it's when we are out of the house. We go swimming, shopping, cinema, costa etc.

Screens don't help I don't think. Too much on you tube etc for kids too compare their lives too. Our dds are privileged, but there are some insanely rich kids on you tube bragging about their lives. My daughter always gets worse after watching those videos. sad

JennyOnAPlate Tue 16-Jan-18 17:19:41

Mine is like this and isn’t quite 10 yet 😩😩😩

PrimalLass Tue 16-Jan-18 17:21:19

My 9-year-old is exactly like this.

BashStreetKid Tue 16-Jan-18 17:22:40

Show her this - www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY - and tell her not to be such a stereotype.

HellonHeels Tue 16-Jan-18 17:23:05

Was she hungry (hangry) after school?

I do think that youtube shite can feed discontentment / dissatisfaction.

Thesmallthings Tue 16-Jan-18 17:23:16

peng I can see your point. Guess it's like anything with kids. What works with some don't others.

Mine never have their door shut through choice so it's not privacy that I'm taking away... It's more shock and annoyance reminder not to slam doors. Ethier way my boys arnt scared by it.

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