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a rant about an overly needy friend

(107 Posts)
ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 12:54:57

I'm feeling like a bag of crap and I just want a rant.
Does anyone have someone in their life that just drains them and it's almost impossible to ditch them permanently because they are so emotional?
So anyway, my HG is still in full force and it's just a struggle to get from A to B each day. Most days I've still got my head in the toilet or basin.
Being bombarded with phone calls and texts about this drama and that drama from said 'friend'. I've always been there to listen and offer whatever advise I can, I've tried to say on several occasions that I'm sorry but I just can't help just now, I can't focus and what little energy I have is just surviving. On deaf ears!
She's absolutely a hypochondriac. Obsessed over thought. If she has pms it's not pms, she says she's on the bipolar spectrum. If she feels like tidying it's not a whim to have a deep clean, it's OCD.
I was in hospital yesterday to get rehydration and I had atleast 10 messages progressing into a rant about issues with feeling abandoned and I should reply because now she's panicking. I explained what happened and I was asked not to talk about being sick as it's a trigger for her bulimia. She was not like this when met at work, i feel kind of duped, as though it was just act.
I'm not meaning to sound insensitive, none of the conditions she says she have been officially diagnosed. We've had these conversations and she pinned it on the doctors being incompetent and not believing her.
Thankfully we don't work together anymore but I just feel stuck with her, if I tell her all of this, I really don't know how she'd behave.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Tue 16-Jan-18 12:57:00

Oh tell her to fuck off.

Honestly I have HG and all I have done today is lie down and drink lucozade. I wouldn’t even begin to entertain anyone else’s drama. You are totally within your rights to be massively selfish right now.

vespertillio Tue 16-Jan-18 13:00:18

"Hi X, I'm really unwell at the moment and can only engage with very close friends and family. I'll be in touch when I'm able, but for now I'm taking a break from being involved with anyone else" And block. Sorry you're having this tough time

MatildaTheCat Tue 16-Jan-18 13:00:19

YANBU. Text her saying you fully understand she is struggling with her issues right now but as you are very unwell you cannot be her support. Wish her well and then ignore further messages or block her.

She sounds very unstable but she isn’t your responsibility.

milkmoustache Tue 16-Jan-18 13:01:47

You are not responsible for her. Sounds as if you have enough to deal with in your life without this energy vampire! There's no way to do this which she will like, so you may just have to block her number. Harsh, but you have already tried to get the message across several times and she won't listen. It doesn't sound as if she is giving you anything positive at all.

ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:03:09

I know, it's so stupid isn't it. If I was reading this thread I'd be saying "tell her to bugger off". It so hard when she's SO emotional and dramatic.
My husband is sick of it, she's a 38 year old woman and he's saying "block her number and don't give it another thought".

Arghh it's horrible isn't it, nobody understands how bad it is until they have it. How far along are you? Im 12 +3 and everyday I wake up I just want it to be the day it stops. x

Wellonlyifihaveto Tue 16-Jan-18 13:03:10

Hg is all consuming and tiring, tell her to fuck off and leave you alone. I couldn’t be doing with that especially after 7mths of feeling like absolute shite

cantucciniamaretto Tue 16-Jan-18 13:04:33

Yanbu. But she'll probably post here about how shes such a good friend and you're being awful to her!

Tell her to go fuck herself.

TheQueenOfWands Tue 16-Jan-18 13:04:38

Can you 'lose' your phone?

Maybe time for a new number? Or just block her texts?

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders Tue 16-Jan-18 13:06:20

Cola I’m only 7+3! I feel like it’ll be forever before it’s over!

ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:08:39

Energy Vampire! That made me smile, very accurate description.
I really needed to vent, my bed, the couch and the bathroom and the trips to hospital is my existence just now.
Blocking is the path this is definitely going down, I think I would have done this before if I wasn't so concerned about how she would behave after. I think I was Weighing up what stress is more manageable.

TerracottaAmy Tue 16-Jan-18 13:11:04

vespertillio has written a good text, I'd go with that

TheQueenOfWands Tue 16-Jan-18 13:11:24

OP, google 'histrionic personality disorder'.

And then send her the link.

ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:13:59

Didnt It does feel like forever doesn't it. The only thing that's helping (mentally) is I purchased a Doppler online. I heard the baby's heartbeat and I guess it gave a bit more comfort.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 16-Jan-18 13:16:49

You poor thing. Text to say you're really unwell but will be in touch when you're feeling better.

ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:17:08

vespertillo your text is great. Thank you. my head is so foggy I really didn't think of something as polite as that!

ColaCube22 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:20:57

thequeen it's like reading about her.

Sarahh2014 Tue 16-Jan-18 13:22:46

I was in a slightly similar situation til recently.Became friends with a mum from ds nursery then I realised there was always some drama going on I also caught her out on a few lies..I've distanced myself now and it def was the right decision

BanyanTree Tue 16-Jan-18 13:25:57

You are going to be a mother so now is a good time to learn a valuable lesson. Your baby's wellbeing comes first. That means looking after yourself physically and mentally so that you can take care of the baby growing inside you.

Send her that SMS.

vespertillio Tue 16-Jan-18 13:28:46

ColaCube22 no problem, and it is nice to be polite, you don't need any added stress, all you need is to look after yourself and your loved ones. (I'd something similar when I was pg/with newborn and I hate that my memories of that time are coloured by some fuckwit's drama and insecurities, esp as we aren't even friends anymore.) Life is too short, and this is an intense time for you - send that or similar text and then block.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Tue 16-Jan-18 13:36:10

She sounds awful. Perhaps text something along the lines of:
"I'm sorry that you have so many issues right now. I'm not the right person to talk to about this as I am very unwell and need to concentrate all my energy on my own well-being.
You might find getting some counselling will help with the bulimia, attachment disorder etc. I wish you all the best." Then block.

Hissy Tue 16-Jan-18 13:36:47

some very good advice here. absolutely send her the text and then block, you have far bigger fish to fry

FizzyGreenWater Tue 16-Jan-18 13:39:18


Think ahead - what the hell will she be like when you are home with the baby? Calling, texing, turning up whining and whining?

Use your illness right now as a total excuse and block her. Could even get your DH to text - 'Getting in touch on behalf of Cola. She really is not in any state at the moment to be texting and calling folk and is on complete bedrest, so she is not going to be contactable.'

Hopefully she'll be totally offended and you will get rid before you're a sitting duck on mat leave!

CoraPirbright Tue 16-Jan-18 13:41:06

Out of interest, when you were in hospital & she was bombarding you with messages, did she once ask how you are? If not, I would use that as a reason to cut her loose!!

Weezol Tue 16-Jan-18 13:42:22

I would go with Vesper or Matilda's texts. Copy and paste, do it now then block on everything.

I have had to do similar with someone recently and I'm not suffering HG or pregnant - you deserve some peace and quiet.

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