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Woman on stag do

(30 Posts)
timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:00:50

Dh has a female colleague who I really dislike. Really stalky about dh, will ring him multiple times from pub if he doesn't go out, has strops if he doesn't text her. List is endless, it's been going on eight years. I really can't stand this woman, she is freaking mental. Dh limits almost all interactions

Had to be in centre of everything, massive FOMO, really controlling of group of male mates at work. Will drop all her female friends at work to make sure she is still at centre of what she considers to be the alpha male group. I live at dhs work, she doesn't. She has let herself in our house, and called round to collect him when he hasn't joined in end of term drinks ( cause he looking after our kids while I at work)

List is genuinely endless. It's so weird. She has really big strops and rows when doesn't get her way. She is like this with everyone in her life, but more so this group of guys at work, and especially dh.

One of dhs male colleagues is getting married. She is going to stag do. I just expressed surprise to dh and his mate and they told me it wouldn't be worth the hassle not to invite her (invited by groom BTW)

Aibu to be seething and irrationally annoyed? I mean yes, obvs I am

DailyMailReadersAreThick Sat 13-Jan-18 22:03:24

Well yes YABU because the stag do is nothing to do with you. Just feel sorry for her that she desperately seeks approval from men because she has low self-esteem, and stop thinking about her.

Mxyzptlk Sat 13-Jan-18 22:05:17

I live at dhs work, What does this mean?
She has let herself in our house, she has a key?

Those guys need to tell her to knock it off but if they won't then they, and you, are stuck with it.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:06:17

I know Iabu. She just really gets my goat. I am beyond irrational about her.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:07:23

I live in a boarding school. Access to our house not always locked.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:08:18

She has many good points, I just can only see the weird controlling shit.

DorisDangleberry Sat 13-Jan-18 22:12:28

Is she a pupil?

Hellywelly10 Sat 13-Jan-18 22:13:32

Just let her go and make an idiot of herself.

GwenStaceyRocks Sat 13-Jan-18 22:13:59

I don't find it odd that they've invited a woman. Probably because one of my colleagues invited women to his stag do I was one of them But I find it beyond odd that they invited her if they all think she's so annoying. Maybe they secretly like her but know that you don't so they just agree with you? Because,otherwise, I don't understand why they let her act the way she does.

theaveragewife Sat 13-Jan-18 22:19:13

Yeahhh I don’t think it’s odd for a woman to be on a stag do, I had men on my hen - toilets should be sex segregated but friendship groups shouldn’t.

Your dh also doesn’t seem to be entertaining her, so you’re good on that point too. Maybe just get him to set some boundaries on walking into your house? I think you need to worry about your life, not hers.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:28:04

Dh does a good job with the boundaries, he gets it really bad. He has managed to extract himself from the situation really well the last few years. Its much better than it used to be. When we had small kids, he was working crazy hours and she would make massive fuss cause he wasn't going out for drinks with the lads of a Friday night hmm

I need to get over it, I know. She rarely crosses my mind anymore but the stag do annoyed me. Iabu in all logical senses, so I forget about it.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:28:52

I've been on joint stag and hen do BTW.

WorraLiberty Sat 13-Jan-18 22:31:40

Dh limits almost all interactions


Perhaps it's just me, but that's not the impression I got when reading your OP.

cherryontopp Sat 13-Jan-18 22:41:54

I'd invite myself to this stag due, even if i had no intention of going..if a woman colleague can go then why can i go?confusedgrin

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:46:48

He works alongside her. So over xmas, as every holiday, she sends series of texts. Maybe six, ending with 'you're so mean for not replying!' hes not a texter, certainly not chit chat, except with mum and sister. This happens every holiday. Then day before term starts, he sends her a happy new year text, cause 'otherwise hell get a huge row' this is how it's been for years. This is what I mean by limits interactions. Enough contact to be avoid rows without opening floodgates.

timshortfforthalia Sat 13-Jan-18 22:55:38

I know I sound like a bitter woman-hater grin I'm really not. Dh has a really close female friend from years back that I feel only love for.

This colleague just gets under my skin. She has lots of good points. I get the worst of her, and none of the good if that makes sense. Tbh dh gets the worst of her, I just get it by proxy.

TitaniasCloset Sun 14-Jan-18 13:21:03

She sounds nuts. I wouldn't like her much either.

SuperPug Sun 14-Jan-18 13:29:16

I have worked with people like that. Normally very immature and needy.
Sorry but your DH needs to be dealing with this so it doesn't impact you and dc. Letting herself in, the texts etc. That would drive me nuts as well.

yourhavingagiraffee Sun 14-Jan-18 13:35:47

My mil and her sil's ended up at my husband's stag doo, odd!

Mxyzptlk Sun 14-Jan-18 14:41:07

he sends her a happy new year text, cause 'otherwise hell get a huge row'

DH and, presumably, others are pandering to this woman. He needs to set her straight.
If he won't you'll just have to keep being pissed off or ignoring it. Whichever you prefer.

expatinscotland Sun 14-Jan-18 14:45:02

He needs to stop kowtowing to her.

clashesBreakOut Sun 14-Jan-18 14:45:34

Sounds to me like they all secretly like her or at least respect her.

She wants to be in an alpha role and men don't find this as offputting or threatening as women do. They may like her, like her company, find her interesting or good company even without exactly liking her or simply want to be on her 'side'.

You're VV U to want to control the guest list and have her excluded or try to control friendship groups.

Are you sure you aren't jealous of her confidence or are you a little awed by her?

timshortfforthalia Sun 14-Jan-18 15:20:33

They Def do like and respect her. Not just the men, but loads of her colleagues. She can be funny, good company, is good at her job.

She also plays a central social role, organising evenings out, raising money for charity. She works very hard all the time doing stuff for other people.

But the flip side is that it's not done selflessly. If you dont acknowledge how grateful you are for the gift, card, etc, texts etc she will flip (massive shouting in staffroom) them sulk for a week or two. Then dramatic tearful reconciliation. And repeat.

My aibu wasn't about wanting to control guess list. I am not a controlling person. My aibu was whether Iabu to feel irrationally angry about her presence.

clashesBreakOut Sun 14-Jan-18 15:30:23

Ah, so they like and respect her, want her to come and you wonder if you should be angry about her presence?

The problems aren't hers (or theirs). This one's all on you.

Are you a little awed by her? Threatened? Jealous?

Nanny0gg Sun 14-Jan-18 15:37:30

They Def do like and respect her.

Can't see why.

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