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To think that he might need help ?

(25 Posts)
Dailymailshutyamouth Sat 13-Jan-18 20:53:17

I've posted about exP on this quite a bit since our breakup 4ish months ago. Pretty much because my friends got bored of the ongoing dramas and said I'd made my own bed.

For a bit of context - met him Jan last year. Meant to be casual as he just came out of a LTR, but developed further to the point of being in a committed relationship. All the way through behaviour was pretty poor. He used to go distant and then turn his phone off/say he was too tired to talk, snapped all the time etc. He let his good friend sleep in our bed with him after a night out (both insisted nothing happened). Resulting from this I ended up with a broken wrist. He would namecall a lot saying I needed constant attention, that I was nuts, that he wasn't my therapist (but I was pretty much his).

He broke up with me 2 days before my birthday and a week before I was meant to move in. He wouldn't respect my wishes to cut contact and very much wanted to act like a protector over me all the time - hed pay for a deposit for a flat etc. Because I was so low I ended up sleeping at his a lot (nowhere else to go) and dropping out of my PhD. He would maintain contact with me saying he wasn't ready for a relationship but he wasn't ready to lose me. A week after we broke up I went to his work related event to support him and he was plastered. Ended up taking advantage of me leaving me with facial bruising and bruised legs after he came back to mine (consensual of course - wanted sex but bot this). Left in the morning being a total arse, moody as I was moving out and no shampoo before work. I was moving out that day. Sent him pics that night of what he had done. Cue massive guilt messages of how he had to quit drink, how he loved me but last night wasn't him it was the drink etc. Said he would give this up.

Anyway, around November I tried REALLY hard to cut contact. I mean really hard. I got a grip so to speak and started applying for graduate jobs, plans to move to new city with close friend. I can't explain it but I feel like he knew I was moving away from him ? He would text when I didn't reply and what not. I would respond eventually out of guilt and to be honest obviously I missed him. And we met to exchange Xmas gifts etc. He text me throughout Xmas, which is quite couplely imo (midnight text on Xmas eve of merry Christmas baby (pet name) xxxx" ), all the way up to NYE saying he had me a new gift and that we should meet for coffee. From new years day to this time last week he was sending me constant messages suggesting he had a change of heart about the breakup and was very apologetic. He was saying how he thought I was perfect and hed never forgive himself for what he did to me. I said I didn't know what to say - being very guarded.

When we met up he said I wasn't being myself (submissive I'd assume) and wore me down telling me how I was making "bad choices" how I was so much more when I met him. I ended up crying and he asked me to stay at his as i was in no state to get the bus home. So I did. He comforted me about MH issues. Nostalgia trip about our relationship, regrets about breaking up, kissing, crying, cuddling, hand holding and sex. Next day more of the same. When I left texts about "this mess" and how he regretted breakup and that he thinks we should try again. Last weekend was pretty emotional for me.

So on Monday he texts me saying how are you feeling. I said alright, was at work preparing for new interview. He said I looked after him st the weekend and he wanted to look after me so he wanted to meet after work so he could hand me a book. I said don't worry we just see each other Friday as we planned. He said he was excited to see me so I agreed.

Now at the bus stop (where he met me) he told me "when I went back to work, all the thoughts of us left my head. We have no future." I was a bit shocked to be honest but said okay. He got aggressive asking why I wasn't upset. I said I didn't feel sad. He said that he thought I was pissed off because I made a bad decision staying at his. I said I didn't appreciate my head being messed with and was he done? He said "I was fucking done 4 months ago !" Then he in all honesty asked if we were going to stay in contact?!

Aibu to think this is bizarre behaviour?

outofmydepth45 Sat 13-Jan-18 20:59:46

Run block ignore

Notevilstepmother Sat 13-Jan-18 21:00:33

I think it’s bizzare that you’d put up with this crap, and that you’d be best getting this moved to relationships if you want sensible advice.

outofmydepth45 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:00:59

He might need help? Are you for real? You need help stop being a fool !

pinkdelight Sat 13-Jan-18 21:02:53

Who cares if he needs help? Don't give him another moment of your time, energy or this fucked up strain of affection. Stay away sndget your head free of him. It's all a mess.

Bobbins43 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:06:23

Fucking let someone else fix him. You concentrate on your own life. Block. Ignore.

lookingforthecorkscrew Sat 13-Jan-18 21:06:40

Jesus, this man sounds hideous! Why on earth haven’t you blocked him from contacting you?!

Domino20 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:10:58

Yes. You are behaving very bizarrely. HTH?

Itsbecauseimaleo Sat 13-Jan-18 21:11:39

I'm sorry but I really don't see why you would give this man a second of your time. He's clearly psychotic

Loonoonow Sat 13-Jan-18 21:12:13

He clearly loves drama, he might depend on it to make his life feel meaningful. A tranquil, stable relationship won't give him what he needs. Unless there is a part of you that also likes being caught up in this sort of on again/off again roller coaster I would block him now.

Idontdowindows Sat 13-Jan-18 21:15:25

Block, go completely no contact. Don't reply, don't talk, don't go there, nothing.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 13-Jan-18 21:15:42

This all sounds so dysfunctional. You deserve better.

Do you mean he broke your wrist?

user764329056 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:18:18

He’s your puppeteer, don’t let him pull the strings anymore, this sounds toxic

Bambamber Sat 13-Jan-18 21:24:51

You need help to stop you contacting him ever again. You need to block every avenue of contact immediately

Thistlebelle Sat 13-Jan-18 21:26:09

Block his number on your mobile.

Block him in all social media.

Block his email.

Never speak to him again.

Give your self a shake and then get on with your life.

DriggleDraggle Sat 13-Jan-18 21:29:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdalindSchade Sat 13-Jan-18 21:31:21

You need help! Seriously. You need to block all means of communication with him, delete all his messages and his number and get some therapy.

MelloDee Sat 13-Jan-18 21:43:37

He's an emotional abuser. He's crushing you. He doesn't want you, but he does want you, but he doesn't want you.... He thinks you're perfect, then you're a person who makes bad decisions, then he thinks you're supportive, then you have no future.

He's breaking you down bit by bit. And then there's the physical abuse.

I've been here OP. No good will ever come of it for you.

Move to that new city with your friend, throw yourself into your career and education and block block BLOCK this head-fuck of a cretin.

You can do better.

Jaxinthebox Sat 13-Jan-18 21:55:53

stay well away from this person. He is no good for you. BLOCK him everywhere and move on with your life. You need some help too though. You know this person is no good and yet you keep letting him back in. Stop this nonsense!

ArchchancellorsHat Sat 13-Jan-18 22:01:14

Block and run. Help yourself, he's not going to.

BerkInBag Sat 13-Jan-18 22:06:31

He gets off on manipulating you and hurting you. When you don't react to his head fuckery he gets angry becUse he wanted to see you squirm. He needs help but he'll never accept it. Get the hell away from him and don't look back.

picklemepopcorn Sat 13-Jan-18 22:12:21

I think you need to talk this experience through with women's aid. He has harassed you, physically hurt you, emotionally abused you. Some of it may interest the police, if you want to report it. But go to women's aid first to gather your thoughts.

I'm not interested in whether he needs help, by the way. You do need help though. You are very vulnerable right now, and he is erratic and dangerous.

Amanduh Sat 13-Jan-18 22:20:43

Anyway, around November I tried REALLY hard to cut contact. I mean really hard. I got a grip so to speak and started applying for graduate jobs, plans to move to new city with close friend. I can't explain it but I feel like he knew I was moving away from him ? He would text when I didn't reply and what not. I would respond eventually out of guilt and to be honest obviously I missed him. And we met to exchange Xmas gifts etc.

That is not cutting contact. You ate clearly in too deep. Block him on everything.

Amanduh Sat 13-Jan-18 22:20:52


norfolkenclue Sat 13-Jan-18 22:29:01

Are you actually seriously on here asking if HIS behaviour is bizarre???? You KNOW that HIS behaviour is bizarre...but are you aware that YOUR behaviour is even more bizarre for even asking??? And for still, for one iota of a second, even CONSIDERING speaking to this psycho ever again!!!!!! Good grief woman, just re-read your own post and imagine that this was your little sister or daughter writing this!!

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