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To hate Autism

(492 Posts)
EnglishRose1320 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:19:13

I know I might well be but today I am done with it. I am sick and tired of everyone telling me it brings so much joy, a different way of thinking, unique gifts etc. I'd happily swap my son's autism, lose the high IQ, the quirky traits, have an average child in a heartbeat because nothing is worth the aniexty, the depression, the self harming, the house desteoying, the life destroying that we have to deal with. I don't see Autism as a blessing and I don't know that I ever will.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sat 13-Jan-18 15:20:13

Yanbu at all. We all need a little wallow sometimes.

BishopBrennansArse Sat 13-Jan-18 15:23:36

As long as you don't hate autistic people.
I quite like my autism.

phoenix1973 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:24:59

Yadnbu.

Sirzy Sat 13-Jan-18 15:26:22

I don’t hate autism but I do hate some of the things which come with it such as the anxiety.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 13-Jan-18 15:26:47

examines fresh bruises on arms...

definetly a disability, despite bringing some good things as well.

x2boys Sat 13-Jan-18 15:29:51

There's nothing unique or fascinating about my son's autism people forget it's a a spectrum and not everyone is high functioning its hard .

EnglishRose1320 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:30:05

I don't hate anyone who is Autistic, I do hate the pain they go through though. I really do wish Autsim didn't exist. Or the elements of it that are so soul destroying could be removed.

rainbowduck Sat 13-Jan-18 15:30:07

Yanbu

hugs brew

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance Sat 13-Jan-18 15:30:51

My son was kicked out of kindergarten yesterday. I have to resign from my job on Monday. I can only give them two weeks notice. We are awaiting a psych appointment in March. But I don't think we are going to get a diagnosis (Germany) as whenever I mention Aspergers I keep being told ''but he's intelligent'' hmm and he makes eye contact. They know nothing about PDA here and seem to know little about HFA and home schooling is illegal. I am screaming silently in my head.

AthenaAshton Sat 13-Jan-18 15:31:41

Could we add to the list marriage-destroying and sibling-destroying? That is what autism has done to my family (not the fault of the DC with autism, I hasten to add, but the effects of the condition, which he happens to have been born with. He is in his final year at university now, sailing off to have a fantastic life - but his siblings are still dealing with the impact of brilliant/destructive autism on their family, not least their parents' divorce). People, including XH, used to say "I just don't know how you cope with it". The answer was: you don't have any effing choice. Unless you're XH, in which case you can come home, go up to "work" in your study, and come down at 10 PM to tell your DW how well she's coping. No, I wasn't.

Sorry. A rant. In short: YANBU.

Pengggwn Sat 13-Jan-18 15:32:08

Any condition that causes upset and anxiety is a problem, so YANBU. Of course there are some people for whom autism doesn't cause the same issues. They are entitled to say it is okay for them.

CorbynsBumFlannel Sat 13-Jan-18 15:33:24

I think everyone feels like that on bad days. No-one wants to see their kids finding things difficult that others find easy. Very few parents have an average child that sails through life though. Most people at some point have mental health issues, many children experience bullying etc.
I like to look for the positive and in my child's autism and I like it when others focus on the positives too. But I have had days when I've felt it's really unfair and been envoys that other children can do things easily that are such a struggle for my dc. That's normal I think.

ThisLittleKitty Sat 13-Jan-18 15:34:54

Yanbu. My ex referred to my dds autism as "not being the good kind" that hurt.

2018namechange Sat 13-Jan-18 15:35:10

I've always said the same. I would take away my son's autism in a heartbeat. Not for my sake, I will care for him for as long as needed, but for his sake because it would make his life so much easier.

BishopBrennansArse Sat 13-Jan-18 15:35:15

OP the absolute worst thing is people not understanding why I react the way I do.

I don't mind not seeing people from one week to the next. I actively avoid busy, noisy situations but don't feel I'm missing out.

I rarely melt down, I tend to shut down. But the absolute worst is the ignorance and spite of people who just won't try and understand or make assumptions.

I know it's hard for you. I think it's hard for people who care about me too.

I'm only talking for myself by the way. That's the worst thing. Not the autism itself but the way others respond to it.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance Sat 13-Jan-18 15:36:03

Yes. My DH has just said I miss you.
He is still around but has been the literal punchbag for DS this week so
is feeling low himself. My middle who I suspect may be masking has just screamed her head off wrt homework. My eldest NT DD has declared she hates us all.
I sometimes wonder if they'd all be better off in care. Sorry. Am having a pity party, you are all invited.

BishopBrennansArse Sat 13-Jan-18 15:36:16

There are a lot of exes who made things unnecessarily difficult here and that's sad too.

Chugalug Sat 13-Jan-18 15:37:20

Never able to have lights on our Xmas tree as he always weed on it...smearing poo on walls and furniture .weeing in draws ,on people's beds ,in corners of landings.collecting poo in jars and hiding under beds.smearing tomato sauce all over walls,smashing things up ,dislocating the cats leg,violence,swearing,being expelled from special schools,keeping doors and windows locked in case they do a runner.yeah I hate autism too..or I did but now my youngest is being diagnosed,and he hates noise,and certain fabrics,and crowds ,but he's not violent or weeing everywhere,.i can see that autism is different for many people ..in our family we have one extreme to the other..they are both clever ,but little memory ,..no one has ever told me it's a blessing to have two kids with autism,but yeah op I feel your pain .

notgivingin789 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:38:24

I understand what your going through flowersBut his your son at the end of the day. Keep going, you’ll get there.

Bobbybobbins Sat 13-Jan-18 15:39:39

Me too - two non verbal sons, going out is a challenge to say the least. Jealous of my friends with NT children. The list is endless thanks

Snowysky20009 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:40:08

EnglishRose1320

I'm not a parent of a child with asd, but I have worked with many people on the spectrum. I mentioned something similar, about the difficulties parents face, on a thread ages ago, and was slammed for it. Being told 'my child's asd is a blessing and we are so happy'. Yeah some people it is, but as you said not everyone are hf, and for many it is a life long battle and constant worry.

Sorry no advice, except (and I am telling granny to suck eggs) do you have any support from the likes of NAS? You are allowed to vent, it makes you human.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance

Sorry to hear what you are experiencing, I don't know the German system, how will you mange in with regards to finance? Do they have the equivalent of our disability benefits, carers allowenrce etc?

lottieandmia22 Sat 13-Jan-18 15:40:13

Having an autistic child can be exhausting. But since I'm autistic myself I can't really blame the universe - mine obviously get it from me 😂

yawnyawnyawnyawn Sat 13-Jan-18 15:40:18

My son isn't autistic but he is non verbal and developmentally delayed( read going to be an adult with sn and learning difficulties) ... I bloody hate it, I love him so much but life is so difficult for us all. I try not to moan about it but it's shit . Just simple tings like popping to the shops are so difficult .

KateGrey Sat 13-Jan-18 15:40:32

I get this. I have two dc with autism. It’s heartbreaking at times how they struggle. One is having to leave school because of how useless they are. Dc is 4! All professionals say she’s being failed at her school. My other dc has gone to a party wearing ear defenders as the noise is just too painful. It breaks my heart on a daily basis. And I’m so tired by coping and fighting for what they need. I’m fat and sad a lot of the time.

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