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Going out for dinner- who pays?

(198 Posts)
LadyBunnysWig Sat 13-Jan-18 12:37:58

Very happy to be told IABU as I'm genuinely not sure anymore. Was texting with an old friend recently and suggested we have a proper catch up. She asked what I fancied. I suggested a restaurant near where we live and she said that it was too expensive, I suggested a cheaper restaurant or said I didn't mind what we do if she had any other ideas. She agreed on cheaper restaurant.
We met up, it was lovely good catch up, we each ate off of a special lunch time menu for a set price.
When the bill came she just sat there smiling at me. I got out my card (because I am that annoying person who always pays on card) and when the waitress came I said "put (half of the bill) on my card". Waitress asked how we would pay second half and friend just continued to look at me expectantly. I asked waitress to give us a minute and asked friend how she was planning to pay and she got very offended!
She said that since I had suggested the meet up and the restaurant, that I should pay for us both, besides, it was the cheap menu so not very expensive and I could afford it.
I said that I hadn't realised she expected me to pay and I felt that was not fair as she could have said no to going out at all if she was short on money. She informed me that she hadn't event brought her purse so had no way to pay, then she said that I had humiliated her and made her feel like a scrounger and stormed out.
I paid the second half of the bill and left too.
She has sent me a really shitty message saying she didn't feel she could forgive me for this unless I apologised. I don't feel I should apologise.

Any advice on what I should do?

Pengggwn Sat 13-Jan-18 12:39:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn Sat 13-Jan-18 12:39:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lurkingnotlurking Sat 13-Jan-18 12:40:02

Yeah.... Um... Yanbu. Of course.

cardibach Sat 13-Jan-18 12:40:08

She is a CF. You don’t need to do anything. Of course everyone pays for their own on a friends’ meet up unless there’s a very good reason why not and a prearrangement.

mumpoints Sat 13-Jan-18 12:40:22

Was she suggesting a cheaper restaurant because she thought you were being too generous then?!

What is the history of paying with this person? Has she paid her own way before?

TheSnowballFairy Sat 13-Jan-18 12:40:43

Did she pay last time?

PotteringAlong Sat 13-Jan-18 12:41:30

I’d ignore her. She’s completely bonkers.

ThisLittleKitty Sat 13-Jan-18 12:41:38


MyAimIsTrue Sat 13-Jan-18 12:41:45

Blimey! So you're meant to pay for her AND apologise? Is she crazy?

I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who treated me like that.

Celticlassie Sat 13-Jan-18 12:41:46

I would never assume that a friend was paying for me (and would never assume I was paying for a friend!) If a friend offered to pay for me I would refuse and insist on paying my share!

Is there precedent for this in your past?

Cupoteap Sat 13-Jan-18 12:41:50


BrassicaBabe Sat 13-Jan-18 12:42:22

This friend is beyond bonkers. Of course you split the bill.

Oceangirl82 Sat 13-Jan-18 12:42:36


She thinks you should apologise for paying the bill???

MargaretCavendish Sat 13-Jan-18 12:43:19

She is clearly being completely unreasonable. I'm quite surprised that you've only just discovered this bizarre belief about who pays in an 'old friend', though - haven't you ever eaten out together before?

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 12:44:49

Well if this is real, and I'm struggling to believe anyone is as much as an arsehole as your friend, but if it is, you're not unreasonable.

Who the fuck does that. When you go out with mates you pay your share. I can't even imagine going out for dinner with my friends and refusing to pay. And then storming out, and demanding an apology for expecting her to pay her share. That's shocking behaviour.

gunsandbanjos Sat 13-Jan-18 12:44:56

She’s a loon!!

I have a friend I see every year or so as she lives far away and whenever we go out for lunch we’re always both trying to pay for the other!

c3pu Sat 13-Jan-18 12:46:24

I keep reading these threads, and I really feel like I'm missing something in my life. I just never meet cheeky fuckers like this.

Shoxfordian Sat 13-Jan-18 12:46:47

I'm not sure why you even need to ask if you're in the right when you clearly are

Shes completely unreasonable. Is she usually like this when you eat out?

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 12:47:21

just Ignore her. She clearly is deranged and not all there.dont text back. You're never going out together again anway. Unless you invite her and pay for her.

lurkingnotlurking Sat 13-Jan-18 12:48:37

c3pu you should meet my partner's aunt. She's never gone out without her purse but my god she doesn't expect to pay. Ever. And always orders extras like the coffee at the end of the meal. Big ole cf that one

Bluelady Sat 13-Jan-18 12:51:03

There comes a time in some friendships when it's time to call it a day.

Snowysky20009 Sat 13-Jan-18 12:51:39

Wow CF!

Conversation should have been:-

You: Do you fancy going to x to eat?
Her: sorry it's a bit expensive
You: ok what about x?
Her: To be honest, I'm a bit skint this month, would you mind just staying in and having a bottle of wine?

Then you can either agree to stay in, or you can say 'this meal will be on me'.
I can't imagine ever doing that to a friend or a friend doing it to me.

Just text her and ask 'Are you having a laugh?'

sausagerole Sat 13-Jan-18 12:52:04

This is bizarre. Even if she did expect you to pay, no-one reasonable would respond like this when they realised you didn't intend to. If anything, I'd be embarrassed about having expected you too!

MickeyLuv Sat 13-Jan-18 12:53:03

She's a loony and a very CF!!

And who the heck goes out without taking their purse? Anything can happen and you never know when you might need some money.

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