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Settle this argument please.

(177 Posts)
hattiesmumm Sat 13-Jan-18 10:49:46

Dp and I have a love affair with Whitby. When dp proposed my engagement ring was whitby jet. I have earrings and necklaces to match. It means a lot to me.

Anyway, it’s our babysitters 18th soon, she’s lovely and we get on well. I want to get her a present But I’m rubbish at presents so Iv left it to dp. He’s bought her a whitby jet cross necklace. She’s quite gothic so I know she will love it.

But I’m so upset. I can’t pin point why but I feel really upset.


etap Sat 13-Jan-18 10:51:23

Lovely scampi

FitBitFanClub Sat 13-Jan-18 10:52:16

Just off to google wtf Whitby is. Apart from the seaside town, of course.

JacquesHammer Sat 13-Jan-18 10:52:23

YABU - he's bought her a lovely thoughtful present she will appreciate.

Trinity66 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:53:01

Your upset because it was your "thing"? I get that

Sparklingbrook Sat 13-Jan-18 10:54:18

I can understand that TBH, it would feel like Whitby was no longer 'your' thing any more. sad

KungFuEric Sat 13-Jan-18 10:55:10

Yeah you as his wife feel you should exclusively receive the connected memorable thoughtful gift, not that he thinks '-ah a female, I'll get her one too.'

Plus they are quite romantic pieces of jewellery to give to someone you sent closely linked with.

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 10:55:37

Umm...I guess you're upset as it feels like it's intruding upon your territory (personal thing between DH and you).

To be fair though, he's probably got it engrained now that for a nice gift it has to be Whitby!

Sparklingbrook Sat 13-Jan-18 10:56:39

It's a shame he didn't run it past you first. Even if you are rubbish at buying you can have an opinion over what he chooses.

helenoftroyville Sat 13-Jan-18 10:57:06

It was your 'thing', gifts that were thoughtful and romantic.

He's bought the sand for her.

I'd be very upset too.

Hellywelly10 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:57:30

I'd be pissed too.

hattiesmumm Sat 13-Jan-18 10:58:05

And even more annoying that he can’t understand why I’m upset. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

guestofclanmackenzie Sat 13-Jan-18 10:58:31


By the way I love Whitby too and DH proposed in Whitby Abbey! Sorry I know that's not helpful!

Idontdowindows Sat 13-Jan-18 10:58:41

I can understand why you're upset and I'd discuss this with him. It does seem, as KungFuEric said that he has it as "gift for female" instead of "gift for you".

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz Sat 13-Jan-18 10:59:09

I'd feel dejected too

Tinkerbec Sat 13-Jan-18 10:59:29

Maybe it’s the only thing he knows or he thought as you love it then it’s a good present to get.

I get the bleugh feeling though.

DurhamDurham Sat 13-Jan-18 11:00:06

Well I do understand your point but you did leave it to him to choose a present so you’re being unreasonable to be be annoyed. It’s a lovely thoughtful present and she’ll be delighted I’m sure. Just see it as spreading the joy smile

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 11:00:18

Actually he probably should have just got her a bottle of champers

Madonnasmum Sat 13-Jan-18 11:00:23

I get it. Totally. But it is a great gift for someone gothic, so can see why he thought it suitable.
Can he return It?

Snowysky20009 Sat 13-Jan-18 11:01:26

I can understand, Whitby is something special to you both. But he may not see it as anything beyond, hattiesmumm likes Whitby jet, it's nice, I will go with that.

Please don't try and read too much into it.

MissT84 Sat 13-Jan-18 11:01:30

I totally get it.... to you, it is a special place/item. but to dh he probably just thinks....oh that's nice, my dw likes that so maybe bs will like that. I doubt he has meant to upset you and probably won't understand why.....

The only way to settle it is for you to speak to your dh and tell him how you feel, and then either decide to give her that gift or return and buy another gift for her.

weepingangel12 Sat 13-Jan-18 11:02:24

You're upset because you thought it was a special thing between the two of you and now you realise he doesn't see it in the same way. It's like he has devalued the intimacy and romance of it for you.
Of course you are upset.

BUT, jsut because he didn't see it quite the way you did doesn't have to be a big thing.

MadMags Sat 13-Jan-18 11:03:16

I get it.

It was something special between you and him, and now it’s between you, him, and the 18 year old babysitter.

Have you told him you’re upset?

bridgetreilly Sat 13-Jan-18 11:06:44

You've said you know she will like it because of her style. Why couldn't he have just thought the same thing? It doesn't sound to me like a generic present but a thoughtful one.

Pengggwn Sat 13-Jan-18 11:09:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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