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To have had enough

(27 Posts)
LEMtheoriginal Sat 13-Jan-18 10:13:43

I've been ill for a week. I'm still I'll but will have to go back to work Monday because I can't afford more time ofg5. As i had a "day off" in the middle if the sickness it counts as two incidents so tgat takes me to three in six months so there will be a disciplinary to deal with.

Not one person from worked has been in touch to see how i am. It highlights how much im valued in the team. It shouldn't bother me but I feel really upset by it.

I've got no friends.

I have my wonderful dp and dd2 at home. But they don't need me blogging their lives.

I just can't help but think it would be better if I just died. I am so fucking miserable every day and I spread misery around me.

I don't want to be here anyhow - there us no point to me.

WhooooAmI24601 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:17:44

OP have you got a friend or a relative to call for some real life support?

What you're saying sounds awfully like very bad depression and because of that fog you can't see things clearly, but your DP and DD2 absolutely do need you, enormously.

Please keep posting and talking about how you feel.x

kingjofferyworksintescos Sat 13-Jan-18 10:20:06

Please don't feel like that OP , , your worth so much more , the important people are your DP & DD , the people at work sound like they are just rubbish people , not worth thinking about , get yourself better , have a bath and a coffee or tea and think a few positive things about what you would like to do as a family , it might only be a little simple thing but the simple things can give so much pleasure

Ilovecamping Sat 13-Jan-18 10:20:31

Go and see your GP asap and ask for help, which I know is not easy. Have you spoken to your DP or family about your feelings?

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 10:24:25

I'm sorry LEM.

You need to rest up and focus on getting better for now x

ScreamingValenta Sat 13-Jan-18 10:24:55

You sound very unhappy - have you talked to your DP about how you're feeling?

A period of sickness counting as two incidents because a non-working day fell in the middle of it doesn't sound right - if you are called to a disciplinary meeting, this is something you should challenge. If you're still unwell, get your GP's opinion on whether you are fit to go back to work - your health needs to come first.

Re. nobody contacting you - could they just not want to bother you? I know when I am ill I would rather just be left alone, without feeling I had to reply to messages etc. I'd (perhaps wrongly) assume others felt the same and not contact them myself for that reason, if the absence had only been short term.

Your DD and DP need you, so please seek help for the thoughts you're having flowers

Emptynestx2 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:27:19

If you are still ill you can get a sick note from the dr and it's still one period of sickness, if you go back and then off again it will count as another one. When you get the sick note you should talk to the dr about how you're feeling, you need to talk to someone.

LEMtheoriginal Sat 13-Jan-18 10:29:17

I don't feel part of the team. It's a shame as I like the work itself.

LEMtheoriginal Sat 13-Jan-18 10:31:01

Just so tired. I know I'm not a nice person because I've never really had proper friends. Always on the periphery

Dozer Sat 13-Jan-18 10:34:07

Am very sorry LEM. Please do speak to your DP and think about MH support.

Not hearing from colleagues is unlikely to mean you’re not liked. Some workplaces discourage people from contacting colleagues off sick, mine does, apart from a team card if it’s an op or something.

Dozer Sat 13-Jan-18 10:34:44

And not having many friends doesn’t mean you’re not a good person flowers

BluebellTheDonkey Sat 13-Jan-18 10:35:32

No you just haven't found the right people to be your friends. Yet. They will be out there somewhere, you just need to find like minded people. Everyone has their tribe.
Of course you need to be here, you have 2 DC and a DP who love and need you in their lives. Which is a lot more than a lot of people have.
I think you need to visit your GP as you sound depressed, and I mean that kindly, seek out help and life will seem more worth living. thanks

MissionItsPossible Sat 13-Jan-18 10:35:42

OP you are in a bad state of depression. It is not your fault.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 10:36:27

Sorry you’re unwell,it is rotten and will make you feel low
Is it the done thing for team members to call colleagues when off sick?
In my work it’s not the thing,and if anyone calls it’s a mgr checking in on colleague (but not always)
Think it’s a bit of a judgement call whether or not to phone,sone find it intrusive
So perhaps it’s not a malicious thing that you weren’t called
FWIW if I’m off sick I’d not want to be called, I’d want peace to quietly recover

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 10:38:02

Can you see your GP talk about your mood,how you’re feeling?

cathycake Sat 13-Jan-18 10:45:07

Hi lem. Sorry you feel really shitty and my works count sickness like that too

You've made the first step into admitting you feel crap which shows that your aware things need to change.

List a plan of action. You can go into work but please visit hr and tell them how you feel. Then secondly visit the doctor and tell him too.

Please address the issues , we can plod on for years just putting up with things and accepting things as the norm. They don't have to be the norm.

I know you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and as though 'this is my life' but it doesn't have to be. Small changes will improve things greatly.
As for your team contacting you I wouldn't take this personally and it's very positive you like your job

Speak to your dh, ask him for a hug and enjoy the knowledge that you are loved. Please visit docs ... even just getting things off your chest helps
Count your blessings too. I don't want to say too much here to make the thread about me but I now make sure everyday I count the good things and the blessings I have in my life
Please stay strong I sense you are a battler op and a strong person

FurCoatFurKnickers Sat 13-Jan-18 10:47:29

If someone is off sick where I work then we are not allowed to contact them. Only the manager/HR will be in touch with the person off sick.

Perhaps your workplace has similar rules in place.

Agree with the suggestions to see your GP, get signed off and see what help you can get with your feelings of depression.

Lovemusic33 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:54:15

Lem I don’t really have any friends, I don’t have a do or dh either but I have 2 lovely dd’s and they are what keep me going, my job doesn’t really involve being sociable so other than my boss I don’t really talk to anyone through work. I try hard to put myself out there, I have hobbies, go to the gym and try to make friends but it’s hard. I have been in and off anti depressants (off at the moment), deffently talk to your gp.

Bowerbird5 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:56:30

I've been the same. I was ill over Christmas two unrelated things and went back had two days off then went back and had to go home. No one has contacted me either.
I don't think it is you I just think people are busy and some don't want to pester people at home but I agree a simple hope you are ok text would be nice. Don't you get sick pay because the dostor told me not to go back too early this time as she has had lots of patients who returned early and had to have more time off.
Being unwell can make you feel depressed. Think how your DP and DD would feel if anything happened to you. They are the most important people to you not work colleagues. Hope you begin to feel better soon. Why don't you and DD have a little pamper time together this weekend. Just at home even a face mask or hands.

Blackteadrinker77 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:56:57

Please ring the Samaritans if you feel like that. They are trained and are a great support.

Your work colleagues might be worried to contact you, it can be seen as adding pressure to come back to work so some employers don't allow it.

Sending you a hug xx

c75kp0r Sat 13-Jan-18 10:56:59

Yes in some workplaces, HR use something called the Bradford formula to work out If absence is excessive and that does seem to treat several short absences more harshly than one long one BUT having identified an issue, they should initially explore how to support you to be in work, not go straight to disciplinary. Is there a union where you work who can help? If you have been there less than a year, you have less protection but even so I would go in seeking their support and don’t be defensive - you want to be at work, you want to do your best but illness is preventing you - how can you work with them to beat this and get back to work needs to be the approach, not them and us with you in the role of shirker. Being able to say that you are trying to get help from gp will show you are serious about getting well and wanting to work. I really hope t goes well and do consider using the union if you have one.

m0therofdragons Sat 13-Jan-18 11:06:51

Not one person from worked has been in touch to see how i am. It highlights how much im valued in the team. It shouldn't bother me but I feel really upset by it.

Op I never contact colleagues when they're off ill as I don't want them to feel pressured at all to come back. It doesn't mean I don't care. The back to work disciplinary is just a chance to employers to check it's not work related stress / any issues relating to work. Genuine illness can be explained. Take care op!

LEMtheoriginal Sat 13-Jan-18 12:15:18

Thankyou I suffer from anxiety anyway so I'm sure it's just the illness. Both times I have been off sick this year I've been sent home. I had to change contracts so I am now on probation so won't be paid. I'm worried about money.

This is making me question if the job is right for me. I work 10 hour days and it's full on.

I'm exhausted.

I'm sorry

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 12:17:21

No need to apologise you’re unwell and feeling low. Try eat well, and rest
Don’t make any decisions whilst unwell, wait til you feel better
Have a return to work discussion with your manager, and hope that goes well

Dozer Sat 13-Jan-18 12:30:20

The working conditions sound hard. When I worked those kind of hours it was really bad for my mental health. Are there any kind of employee assistance services available?

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