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To be this upset at my own actions?

(26 Posts)
UnbelievablyAshamed Fri 12-Jan-18 23:39:16

Ex BF and I broke up 4 months ago. Since then I've slept with 4 people. Every time it happens I have this massive feeling of guilt to my ex as I hope to get back with him one day. I'm undiagnosed, being assessed for Borderline personality. I don't know whether this has any relation but I know unstable relationships and risky behaviour is part of why I went the doctors in the first place as I couldn't explain my own actions and state of mind.

I was out last night and went to a new friends house to call a private cab home. And while there he tried it on and I had sex with him. It wasn't forced or anything but now I just regret it so much.

I can't stop getting myself into these situations. I take drugs recently, go out binge drinking 8pm till 6am Atleast once a week, have unprotected casual sex. What the hell is going on with me..

BlondeB83 Fri 12-Jan-18 23:41:59

Is alcohol involved? If so, I would maybe try to stay off it for a while.

UnbelievablyAshamed Fri 12-Jan-18 23:44:20

No it's not always involved. I can think clearly and know what decisions I'm making after drink.

DoubleAces Fri 12-Jan-18 23:47:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PsychoPumpkin Fri 12-Jan-18 23:47:19

Stop it with the unprotected sex, some things can’t be cured by a dose of antibiotics, you’ll certainly regret your actions if you end up with herpes or HIV (not to mention pregnancy).

Stay safe, you’re better than this!

DoubleAces Fri 12-Jan-18 23:48:13

Are you happy to get herpes simplex and get genital warts? If not then seek medical help.

KeepServingTheDrinks Fri 12-Jan-18 23:51:54

You're being very hard on yourself.

Your OP reads to me like someone who (a) is hurting and wanting comfort (which, the sex may give you, even in that moment and (b) as someone who doesn't like themselves much at the moment; thus says yes to anyone who offers as it shows another likes them (even if it's just in that moment) and the other side of that is that you don't seem to think you have much self worth at the moment, so you're giving your body because you don't care about it much at the minute.

An maybe you're missing sex too? And maybe you're hoping your ex will be jealous? Or to blot out the pain of the relationship ending, even if just while the sex lasts? Or something about taking risks because you're feeling reckless?

I could be wrong about all of that, of course, but even if some of it is right, all-in-all, these aren't great reasons for saying 'yes' to offers at the moment.

Please be kind to yourself. [at least use protection, if you're not already].

You need to like yourself in order for someone to be able to like you too.

flowers

UbiquityTree Fri 12-Jan-18 23:52:49

BPD (EUPD) is characterised by impulsive behaviour so it may well be an accurate diagnosis. I find that I know something is impulsive and stupid even as I am choosing to do it but I don't care in the moment.

It's also very common for those with BPD (EUPD) to struggle with abandonment: it's very, very hard to move on and we obsess excessively over "what might have been". That applies whether we were dumper or dumpee (and indeed we may dump precipitately to avoid being dumped).

Sometimes we can make long-term decisions which will override our impulsive decisions. For example, if you tend to have unprotected sex, then you could make a long-term decision to have a coil/implant/injection or take the pill (if you can reliably do so). That wouldn't help with the infection risk but would reduce the chances of an unwanted pregnancy.

It is actually ok to have lots of sex, you know. Even with multiple partners. It doesn't make you less of a person. The risky way you're going about it is what is a potential problem, not the sex itself. Try not to apply C19 morals to C21 living grin

I think in the short- to medium-term what you need to do is sort things out with psych - I'm assuming you've been referred to an actual psychiatrist within the community MH team? Once you have a dx they ought then to talk about psychological support, eg with a clinical psychologist, to find coping strategies for the things you find challenging in everyday life. Identifying the source of your impulses (eg looking for affection in fuckboys because you doubt your worth) can be very useful in reducing them.

Good luck.

khajiit13 Fri 12-Jan-18 23:54:49

Doubleaces what the fuck is wrong with you? OP is questioning her mental health and you're calling them 'slaggish'?

OP you clearly aren't comfortable with the choices you're making and the fact you're already being assessed is a good sign because you have clearly recognised your poor decision making. Please peruse getting the support you need. Carry condoms with you and get an sti test. Do not from guilty however, you are single. Look after yourself

DoubleAces Fri 12-Jan-18 23:58:51

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OldPony Fri 12-Jan-18 23:59:38

Leave her alone.

DoubleAces Sat 13-Jan-18 00:01:45

Ok. I've made my point and offered advice. I can leave now unless someone eggs me on.

UbiquityTree Sat 13-Jan-18 00:02:48

It's a shame when someone reads only the content of a post and not its tone.

It's also a shame when people make value judgements about a person based on her sexual history. A married woman swinging from the chandeliers with her DH five times a day doesn't attract the same opprobrium, so it can't be the sex, but the ownership issues? <head tilt>

evilstepmumagain Sat 13-Jan-18 00:02:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

UbiquityTree Sat 13-Jan-18 00:03:11

Cross posted.

No eggs in that post.

evilstepmumagain Sat 13-Jan-18 00:04:28

I meant @DoubleAces obviously

OldPony Sat 13-Jan-18 00:04:34

Hey OP, please take care. You are looking for affection in the wrong places and then pressing self-destruct!

Darling, you're not the first to behave this way and you certainly won't be the last, so take care of yourself. Love yourself ok. If you have a child, look for support from family and friends.

ThisLittleKitty Sat 13-Jan-18 00:07:23

Wow bit harsh the "slag" comment!

2birds1chick Sat 13-Jan-18 01:44:45

DoubleAces
What a fucking dick you are.
I pity your children, if that's your level of compassion.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 13-Jan-18 02:50:31

Piss off Double

Op, this is very likely brought about by your BP. Please stick with the GPS recommendations and get a handle on it.

Lots of luck flowers

MorbidBibliomancy Sat 13-Jan-18 03:29:42

Unbelievably, it sounds like you're in a difficult and confusing place right now. A breakup can make any underlying issues that much worse due to the stress. If you're currently being assessed, I'd make it clear to whatever healthcare provider you're in contact with that you need more immediate help. There are a lot of options for help out there (GP referred, private, counselling etc). Do you have anyone close to you that you can turn to for support? If so, it might be worth letting them know that you're having a difficult time.

In the meantime, as PP said be kind to yourself and remember to use protection. There are a lot of self care guides available online, so maybe have a look at those and have a few nights in just focusing on yourself? A couple of examples:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/mental-health-problems-introduction/self-care/#.Wll7UKi6-Uk

tinybuddha.com/blog/45-simple-self-care-practices-for-a-healthy-mind-body-and-soul/

Best of luck to you, OP. flowers

Pengggwn Sat 13-Jan-18 06:36:48

'Slaggish'? shock

Seek support from a doctor, OP. Ignore comments from the dark ages.

NoqontroI Sat 13-Jan-18 06:41:00

Bit slaggish behaviour if you ask me

Fuck off. Twat.

Marnie182 Sat 13-Jan-18 06:52:13

Is DoubleAces a man by any chance?
Disgusting sexist comment. Smh we are still so, so far away from equality it makes me sad and angry.

LunarGirl Sat 13-Jan-18 07:01:55

As a PP said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having lots of sex. Definitely not "slaggish" whatever the fuck that is. But you do need to be safe.

If you do have a MH disorder then it would explain the impulse control issues.

How long were you with your ex? I was with a guy for just over a year and when we broke up it took me quite a long time to stop feeling like I was "cheating" on him. Not really rational but there you go. If you do end up getting back with your ex your behaviour after you split up should have no bearing on the relationship. For starters, he doesn't have to know. Plus, it's none of his business.

You are your own person, you can decide what to do with your own body. But it does seem as though your choices aren't necessarily what you want right now. I have no idea what to suggest to make you feel better. I'd say just try to stop and assess situations before doing anything, think not just in the moment but also how you will feel after and then base your choice on that.

It's easy for me to say "well, just stop doing it if it's making you feel bad" but the issue obviously goes a lot deeper and your feelings are conflicted. All I can say is don't feel bad for wanting sex. It's fine! But safety first. I hope you get the help you need from professionals and you start to feel better soon flowers

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