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AIBU?

Have I done something stupid? DH says yes.

102 replies

happy2bhomely · 12/01/2018 21:35

I made an emergency call to the police today.

I witnessed a serious incident involving 30-40 children from my dc's school and a knife.

I recognised one of the boys and gave his name to the police. He saw me there and told a group of kids that I had seen everything. He is in my dc's year at school.

My DH has gone mad at me. He has said that if this comes back on dd then I only have myself to blame. He has told me that I need to learn to mind my own business. I thought I did the right thing but I'm now doubting myself. I also wanted to report to the school on Monday but DH says no way. This boy is in DD's class. He is known to the police already.

Did I do the wrong thing? I'm now worried that I've made my dd and our home a target.

OP posts:

Report

EvaTheOptimist · 12/01/2018 21:38

You have done the right thing, and you should indeed inform the school on Monday too. You could include, that you would like special attention paid to making sure that this boy does NOT approach your DD.

TheQueenOfWands · 12/01/2018 21:39

Of course you did the right thing.

I agree with minding one's business but not when there's children wielding knives!

GreenSeededGrape · 12/01/2018 21:39

You did the right thing and your dh is a spineless fucking git.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 12/01/2018 21:39

If no one ever reported violence for fear of it 'turning' back on them then what an awful world we'd live in! You did the right thing. Definitely go to the school as well.

honeyroar · 12/01/2018 21:39

I think you did the right thing. But I can see why you're worried. I guess you'd have to follow up (report to police etc) if the slightest thing happens as a consequence.

echt · 12/01/2018 21:41

You did right. YY to being in touch first thing on Monday morning, and put it in writing, too.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 12/01/2018 21:43

If a child dies because you said nothing you could not live with that
Of course report to school and insist dd gets protection.
Your dh is unspportive and cruel to say what he did
Bad things happen because good people say nothing

Dilligaf81 · 12/01/2018 21:44

You did the right thing 100%.
So if your daughter was a victim of knife crime and the perpetrators had been seen earlier with a weapon but everyone was minding their own business instead of being members of society.
I'd be so disappointed if my dh had this attitude.

missyB1 · 12/01/2018 21:47

How would your DH feel if your dd was threatened/ attacked with a knife but witnesses decided to turn a blind eye?
You absolutely did the right thing.

Love51 · 12/01/2018 21:48

Kids your daughters age getting involved in a knife fight is your business.
I'd let DD know what's gone on (the incident, not her dad being a coward) so she can be prepared for any backlash on social media or at school.

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2018 21:48

What kind of lesson is your husband trying to teach your daughter? How not to be a responsible human? And if that boy hurt her with that knife next time he'd be singing a very different tune, one that went, "why didn't you tell the police"

Of course you did the right thing. He's got a very warped view of the world and just ask him calmly what he'd do if the kid brings the knife in again and hurt your daughter or some other kid and you hadn't reported it.

Also tell thr school. No one, but no one, should be teaching their kid to hide from violence and leave bullies be. No one.

Trinity66 · 12/01/2018 21:48

I can understand where your DH is coming from, not wanting your DD to become a target but I still think you did the right thing, knife crime is a big problem among kids atm, it needs to be stopped before something happens not ignored

Tansilie · 12/01/2018 21:49

You did the right thing. I wouldn't let it get out that it was you who told the police though, that may end up being embarrassing for your DD (maybe not, I'm just imagining how I would have felt as a teen).

Strongvegetables · 12/01/2018 21:50

You 100% did the right thing but buckle up for a bumpy ride as this could turn nasty. This one of the reasons (we were lucky we were able to) we placed dd in a private school. The local comp near us is shocking

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 12/01/2018 21:51

You did the right thing. More people need to be like you and fewer like your DH, imo

Tansilie · 12/01/2018 21:52

Be prepared that your DD may shun any 'protection' the school tries to give her, also. As teens, we don't always appreciate what's best for us.

PuddleOfInk · 12/01/2018 21:52

You did the right thing but TBH growing up where I did in east London I don't think your DH is wrong to be worried.

MrsKCastle · 12/01/2018 21:53

You did the right thing. You MUST let the school know though, just in case there is any kind of backlash. They need to be warned to keep an eye out for any trouble.

Rainboho · 12/01/2018 21:56

I agree with PuddleofInk. Of course you did the right thing, morally. But I grew up in a rough part of SE London and I think your DH has a point, as this would have caused a lot of trouble in my time and it would have been targeted at the person who ‘grassed’.

happy2bhomely · 12/01/2018 21:57

They were mainly 13/14 years old. There were also a few young adults there and a woman punching people. It was awful and they were spilling into traffic.

One boy from a different school ran towards me. He was shaken. He told me he had seen the knife and was too scared to get on his bus home. I walked him to the next bus stop. He was only 12 ish. He looked so scared.

My son is in 6th form and told me that he heard chatter on the bus about something kicking off. They all went there looking for trouble.

The police have not been great. The person taking the call said someone would be there in 15 minutes. I waited and no one came. The crowd dispersed so I walked home. On the way back I passed the boy I recognised and he pulled his hood over his face and was shouting at his friends to do the same. They started shouting at me. The police then tried to call my phone but I didn't want to answer in front of them. They ran and for a moment I wasn't sure if they were running at me or past me.

I called the police back on 101 when I got home. They gave me a reference and then a number for community support because I said I was worried about repercussions. The number they gave me was for domestic violence. The man said he couldn't help and didn't have another number for me.

OP posts:

JohnHunter · 12/01/2018 21:57

You did the right thing. Your DD will be fine and your DH is a coward.

Greensleeves · 12/01/2018 22:01

Of course you did the right thing!

Sorry your dh is being an asshat

happy2bhomely · 12/01/2018 22:05

We live in London. This is happening all the time. But it's different seeing it on the news and seeing it in front of you. I just called the police without thinking. That's who you call when you need help. I couldn't walk past all those kids and do nothing.

I did not see the boy I recognised with a knife. I saw him running away. I have not accused him of anything. I just said that I knew they were from my dc school because I knew him.

I don't regret calling the police but I wish I never gave his name.

I told DH that the police can only do their job if the public provides information. He says the police will do fuck all and we'll be left to deal with it.

OP posts:

Iggii · 12/01/2018 22:05

If it had been your dd in that crowd you’d have wanted someone to call the police. Take whatever precautions you need to, including calling the school and the police again. There’ll have been a lot of children there who will be horrified the next day, I doubt you’ll be the only one who gives info to the police.

BarbaraofSevillle · 12/01/2018 22:05

A teacher was murdered in a school in my city a couple of years ago and the boy who did it had taken a knife to school on more than one occasion prior to him stabbing his teacher and people knew about this and didn't report it.

You did the right thing.

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