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To think having sex as a female is dangerous

(443 Posts)
Bumsnetnetbums Fri 12-Jan-18 11:12:55

Genuine post.
Over the last few years I have known women whom have contracted chlamydia as teens and who are infertile due to pelvic inflammatory disease. I have friends with warts. BV. Trich.
And on another thread, those with abnormal cells, and cervical cancer.
All these conditions are given to women by men. (Yes women transmit also but for men there are very few long term effects other than passing on to other women).
Pregnancy is the one bonus if ttc. But even then women have unwanted pregnancy and abortions to deal with. Neither of these are anywhere near as traumatic for men.
I have come to an age where the above are so risky and widespread that i dont think i will ever have sex again. It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.
I fear for my daughters. I will obviously allow the hpv vaccine. But sex is not what we thought it was as teens. It is dangerous for women.
I have said on a couple of threads about infidelity that by taking back unfaithful partners is health risking.
Women who have been cheating on are hurt from the intimacy where the partner has turned to another woman outside the marriage. They focus on whats best for the kids.
AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health. It isnt the closeness with another woman which is worst. It is that he has totally disregarded your health to have sex with another woman not knowing what he could be bringing home.
What is right for the kids is a healthy mum. They might be upset by daddy leaving. But they will be heartbroken at mummy dying from hiv/hepatitis/cervical cancer.

Bumsnetnetbums Fri 12-Jan-18 12:46:29


gamerchick Fri 12-Jan-18 12:50:40

AIBU to say that the first thing women should be focussing on is their sexual health.

Well yeah, I go for a checkup and screen every few years in a relationship and insist on a check up and screen in a new relationship before ditching the condoms. Like everybody should. It’s not hard.

Littlecaf Fri 12-Jan-18 12:52:40

YABU and hysterical. Use protection. End of.

penis can literally be like gun which shoots you . Wtf?

ThisLittleKitty Fri 12-Jan-18 12:53:13

I think a lot of people just don't care. I know woman who regularly has sex with different men without using condoms.

Joey7t8 Fri 12-Jan-18 12:55:20

Use condoms. They're very effective.

cricketqueen Fri 12-Jan-18 12:56:12

But if you use condoms and get regular checks then it shouldn't be an issue. If we encourage people to practice safe sex then sex will be fun and not dangerous. TBH I've never met anyone who doesn't know the dangers of unprotected sex.

DelphiniumBlue Fri 12-Jan-18 12:57:09

A bit extreme. Mummy is very unlikely to die simply because daddy has been shagging around. But it is sensible to take precautions to protect your own health.

MuseumOfCurry Fri 12-Jan-18 12:57:17

Not dangerous. Great fun. Not giving it up. wink

penis can literally be like gun which shoots you

Literally doesn't mean what you think it does.

Ansumpasty Fri 12-Jan-18 12:58:18

Well...yes, in a way, but it also does sound like you have been stung in the past and have issues that you could do with working out.
I'm anti casual sex, that's just the way I am. However, I've been extremely lucky in having only one sexual partner and marrying him, so that's easy for me to say. I trust him that he wouldn't cheat on me (for specific reasons).
If we were to divorce, I'd not sleep with someone until we'd both had a full sexual health screening, at least not without a condom. I have anxiety and I know it would stress me out too much but after we'd been given the all clear, I'd be good to go ;)
I know it's not exactly the kinkiest of requests, but if it's between asking them to get screened and abstaining from sex forever, why not? If you get into a relationship with someone that you trust, I bet you'll change your mind.
Just to add, it might not be as 'dangerous' for men but I know of a man with mouth cancer caused by oral sex (HPV).

FlyingElbows Fri 12-Jan-18 12:59:36

That's an awful lot of hand-wringing when the simple and universally acknowledged answer is "condom". Women are (in the vast majority of cases) not passive victims of their sexuality.

Lifeisabeach09 Fri 12-Jan-18 13:02:17

Always wear condoms with new partners (although condoms won't necessarily protect against warts and herpes), get STI testing before going without condoms with a partner, be choosy who you sleep with and know a bit about their sexual history (if possible). My philosophy.

Sex can be enjoyable and risks can be minimised.

squishysquirmy Fri 12-Jan-18 13:02:40

"Pregnancy is the one bonus..."

Its not the only bonus! grin
Unprotected sex is risky. This is not new - it has always been that way even when you were a teenager. Obviously education about sexual health is important to make sure that teenagers know the risks BEFORE they become sexually active (and I think this is an area where things are better than they were in the past).

I don't have experience of the situation you describe, but I agree that men who endanger their partner's health by shagging around are shits.

NotACleverName Fri 12-Jan-18 13:04:11

penis can literally be like gun which shoots you .

If a bloke dropped his kecks and there was a gun there I'd run for the bloody hills.

OlennasWimple Fri 12-Jan-18 13:05:02

Having too much to drink is dangerous

Eating crispy bacon is dangerous

Driving a car is dangerous

I'm not going to stop doing any of those things - I weigh up the risks and benefits, and decide how to moderate and minimise the risks but continue enjoying the benefits

ushuaiamonamour Fri 12-Jan-18 13:05:12

It is hard to be in the mood when a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health, just in a slower and more humiliating way.

Paging Doctor Freud, paging Doctor Freud.

crumbsinthecutlerydrawer Fri 12-Jan-18 13:06:34

a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health

Not sure any normal sex I’ve had has been similar to this. hmm

OlennasWimple Fri 12-Jan-18 13:06:54

Oh, and there is a government consultation running at the moment on sex ed in schools in England. Worth contributing if you have suggestions - there's a pinned post at the top of "Active" with the details

DriggleDraggle Fri 12-Jan-18 13:07:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe Fri 12-Jan-18 13:08:54

Sorry op, but you sound a little ott verging on hysterical.

We do many risky things in life...

Crossing the road
Getting in a car
Getting on a plane
Extreme sports

You just have to live your life and take normal precautions rather than avoid everything.

scatterolight Fri 12-Jan-18 13:09:23

Unfortunately promiscuity is fashionable and viewed by most as wonderful victory for feminism. No modern mum is going to advise their daughters to be chaste and try and sleep with as few people as possible. Not only will they feel like hypocrites but their children will view them as complete prudes. All you can do is tell your kids condoms are essential and hope for the best.

MinorRSole Fri 12-Jan-18 13:10:01

Have to agree with @squishysquirmy , pregnancy is most definitely not the only bonus. In fact it wouldn't be a bonus at all for me so there must be other reasons I still partake!

Condoms are a must for new or casual relationships. I read more and more about people taking chances with their sexual health and I'm so confused by it. Condoms have changed so much, they aren't what they used to be and really don't kill the fun! In fact it's quite nice not to have to clean up a sticky mess afterwards

Dh has had a vasectomy and I do trust him implicitly so we don't use them. There is a risk I suppose that he could expose me to something if he were to cheat but the same could be said for him if I cheated so it's not a risk for me alone.

I wouldn't say it's sex that is the issue, more who you are having sex with and who they are having sex with. If everyone is careful then it can be as fun as you want it to be

ToastyFingers Fri 12-Jan-18 13:12:11

Sex isn't dangerous to women, (some) men are. Use protection and get checked regularly.

ToastyFingers Fri 12-Jan-18 13:14:06

Also, id be put off sex too, if the sex i'd had was so crap, pregnancy was the only bonus!

DearMrDilkington Fri 12-Jan-18 13:14:57

a penis can literally be like gun which shoots you and takes your health

I'm crying gringrin

Please don't include that in your "the birds and the bees" chat to your dc.

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