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Not to report this?

(81 Posts)
dianemorgan Thu 11-Jan-18 23:52:05

Just thinking about all the "me too" sex scandal things.... when I was 14 my BF was 18 and we had sex. (I am now 35)

No hard feelings between us, we are FB friends. He is married with kids. Same for me.

Talking about this to a friend recently who said she would report him to police as was a crime at the time and people should be being held accountable for all these things that happened years ago when all was brushed under carpet etc.

I disagree - i feel I would be ruining his life for nothing.

Who is BU?

steff13 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:53:26

I wouldn't report him.

dianemorgan Thu 11-Jan-18 23:54:30

Thanks xx I'm not going to, just looking for opinions smile

ThisLittleKitty Thu 11-Jan-18 23:55:33

No I wouldn't I was 15 and an ex was 21 why report it and ruin someone's life?

Jb291 Thu 11-Jan-18 23:55:33

It's still statutory rape. Legally you cannot give consent for sex at 14 years old. Your friend is not being unreasonable, she is absolutely right in that in the eye of the law this man committed a criminal offence. Whether of course you report to police is entirely down to you.

iggleypiggly Thu 11-Jan-18 23:55:43

No I wouldn’t report. I wouldn’t consider it for a minute. Did he force you?

dianemorgan Thu 11-Jan-18 23:56:27

Not at all, we were a couple for over a year.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz Thu 11-Jan-18 23:58:09

I just don't understand the logic.

What would be the purpose?

Balaboosteh Thu 11-Jan-18 23:58:45

Please don’t report it.

iggleypiggly Thu 11-Jan-18 23:58:46

I had an older boyfriend and had sex with him, I was 14/15. Would never consider reporting him. It was my choice, illegal maybe but I wanted to. If he treated you respectfully there is no need

arethereanyleftatall Thu 11-Jan-18 23:58:46

I wouldn't report it.
I think teenagers are having consensual sex fairly often, and wouldn't be particularly realising it was illegal.

RainbowWish Thu 11-Jan-18 23:59:37

While I understand clearly he broke the law but I wouldn't report it either.
But its not a situation where you were emotionally/physically forced into the situation. But I do understand where your friend is coming from.

Snowysky20009 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:00:14

I was 14 and he was 18. I consented, he didn't force me.

EC22 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:00:17

Many, many women have consensual underage sex, myself included.
I have never looked back and thought it was a crime. Lots of laws are broken everyday,if there was no harm what would be the rationale unless he’s still having sex with 24 year olds?

EC22 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:00:27

14

dianemorgan Fri 12-Jan-18 00:00:28

Glitter Exactly. That's what I think.

A long drawn out court case, sex offenders register, separated from family, for what?

RainbowWish Fri 12-Jan-18 00:00:30

Extra but for some reason sorryblush

dianemorgan Fri 12-Jan-18 00:02:00

Just for the record I Will never ever ever ever ever ever ever be reporting this

TW1984 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:02:45

When I was 14, I worked a Saturday job. My manager was 30, and we had sex a number of times, both at work and at his house. He was married with three daughters.
It was consensual on my part at the time.
I've often wondered the same thing, as I think he took advantage of me, being in a position of trust...

dianemorgan Fri 12-Jan-18 00:03:59

TW I think what you described there is slightly different to my experience, there is almost a generation between you two in my case it was only four years

notgivingin789 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:07:15

Oh my goodness TW that’s completely different ! He took advantage of you, it doesn’t matter whether you consented or not. He was 30 !

TW1984 Fri 12-Jan-18 00:13:49

You're right, Diane - Sorry - your story made me think back to being 14.

In your situation, it sounds like a relatively normal relationship between two similarly aged young people.

HappyLollipop Fri 12-Jan-18 00:17:27

I lost my virginity at 14 to a older guy who was 23 now looking back he was far too old for me but I was dazzled by the BMW and having a cool older boyfriend! He introduced me to stuff way beyond my years such as drugs and wasn't the best person to be around, I do regret it now but I consented at the time so I wouldn't report it as I don't see it as rape just young dumb decisions.

Bufferingkisses Fri 12-Jan-18 00:29:14

There's a fascinating thread on here somewhere about consent and underage sex. The overwhelming feeling, imo, was that relatively close ages and experience levels led to no bad feeling. However larger gaps or more experienced/manipulative partners led to long-standing feelings of being "led astray" or worse.

In your situation as described in your op I wouldn't feel the need to report but only you were there and only you can decide.

Did you feel manipulated or pushed outside your comfort zone at the time? Looking back do you feel you probably were and the other person acted knowingly and deliberately? If so then definitely give it some more thought or talk it through with some one qualified.

LemonysSnicket Fri 12-Jan-18 00:35:16

I was 15, ex was 19.

I was happy so don’t see it as rape.

Plus statutory rape doesn’t exist in the Uk I don’t think. That’s American.

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