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to get DS the flu vaccine even though his father is adamant he is not to get it??

(96 Posts)
siensien Wed 10-Jan-18 13:05:36

Over the past week I've been concerned with the reports about this nasty strain of the flu going around. Neither of my children got the vaccine when it was offered in schools - DD is too old to be in the category it's offered to, and ticked no on the box for DS (kicking myself now) - my reasoning I suppose was well I never got a flu vaccine as a child, my first child never had one as it wasn't until a couple years ago it was rolled out.

I am now really worried though seeing that this year it is flooring even healthy adults, and even killing people who were previously healthy. I'm a bit of an anxious person in general, especially when it comes to my children, and I've been up the past few nights worrying and worrying all day long now that it has been confirmed in my area. I am thinking that it is best to get both children vaccinated now, although I am a little worried what would happen if they caught the flu on top of side effects whilst waiting for the vaccine to take effect - but I will discuss this with the GP.

DS dad (who has actual 50:50 joint residency and PR) however is saying that I have only changed my mind due to scaremongering and my own anxiety, and he is quite vehemently saying he is not to get it. I keep trying to get through to him with facts and stats and told him when the school phoned and everything, but he is not budging, just keeps shouting HE IS NOT TO GET IT. NO WAY etc on the phone.

I am just at a loss of what to do in this situation. I would hate it if it was the other way round and he made a decision like this going against me, and I am really uncomfortable with just doing it anyway when his other parent doesn't consent. I think all hell will break loose with my ex if I do -we had the same situation with the MMR and eventually I paid hundreds for single jabs and just did it anyway he was livid for months- and I really don't want the fallout. But then on the other hand, I really REALLY do not want the children contracting this flu without at least some protection (according to GP it's 60% effective and if they do get it despite the vaccine it will be milder, whether that's correct I don't know but i do trust the GP).

I thought about getting it and not telling him, but then quickly put that out my head as it's unfair all round, esp on DS and potentially dangerous if his dad doesn't have the full facts when he has him all weekend.

My sister said I should just get it done and text him to tell him on the way there.

I just don't know what to do!! AIBU?? And does anyone have any medical knowledge, or what would you do?? no flaming please as I am trying to do the right thing

LyraPotter Wed 10-Jan-18 13:10:04

I honestly don't see how you could justify endangering your baby's health on the basis of what your partner says. Is your partner generally anti-vaccinations?

Your priority has to be your son; if you think he is at risk from flu you have to protect him even if that means telling his father that you're doing it regardless of what he says. Your baby's doctor and all authorities would be on your side.

Changednamesorry Wed 10-Jan-18 13:14:12

antivax idi9ts won't be backed up by the courts or the doctors or any other outside agency I wouldn't have thought so if it came down to it he would not be able to prohibit it. However I understand the desire to maintain a reasonable level of civility. ....which is difficult when you are dealing with someone with a monumentally uninformed view. I don't know the solution.....just are right and I feel for you. what an unpleasant scenario.

5foot5 Wed 10-Jan-18 13:14:58

Why is he so vehemently against it? Even if he thinks you are panicking unjustifiably then I don't get why he is so strongly opposed.

Theonlyoneiknow Wed 10-Jan-18 13:18:38

I am reading up at the moment - I don't believe the strain that has hit UK is covered by the vaccine?! Happy to be corrected. Excuse daily mail link!

Whenyouseeit Wed 10-Jan-18 13:21:21

One of my twins couldnt get the vaccine due to a long running blocked nose. He's had flu for the last two days. Its complete misery for him and he's been awake whimpering through the night. His brother who had it has a very slight sniffle. I will be trying harder to get the vaccine next year.

DailyMailReadersAreThick Wed 10-Jan-18 13:23:26

I honestly don't see how you could justify endangering your baby's health on the basis of what your partner says


There is no compromise here - your son is either vaccinated or he isn't. Since your partner's stance puts him at greater risk, you 'win'.

Soubriquet Wed 10-Jan-18 13:25:20

Both of my kids have been vaccinated

I wouldn't risk it. Not when I can try to prevent it.

I would get it done and not tell him tbh. He won't notice as it's not a's just a squirt up the nose

mirime Wed 10-Jan-18 13:36:27

DH & I both had flu over Christmas, it was awful and I barely remember Christmas day or Boxing day as my temperature was over 40, I couldn't stop coughing and everything hurt.

DS is 4, he had the nasal spray vaccination and didn't catch it.

YANBU to get your DC vaccinated.

siensien Wed 10-Jan-18 13:53:33

Thanks everyone.

DS isn't a baby, he's 8, but I still think he is pretty young and vulnerable if the virus is so severe it's flooring adults. He is generally in great health but does have a minor but ongoing colony of Staph infection in his nose, which i have read can be dodgy combined with the flu so even more worrying.

His dad can be quite difficult, and yes I think he is anti-vaccination, although he did agree readily to the vaccines until he was about 1 and then he seemed to think he was big and robust enough and not a new baby and so he declared "no more vaccines" , hence the fight about the MMR. Myself I am neither anti or pro vaccination, I usually take each one and research it then decide. In this case, with it being severer than usual in Australia and here, I want to get it done and am now feeling terrible I didn't just say yes back in Oct (I should have read about the Aus flu). I don't actually know much of his reasoning about this one, I have asked him and it's along the lines of "he doesn't need it, it could be dodgy, If he gets it he will be fine, all the family are soooo healthy, good food.." etc. His reasoning is driving me crazy and he just won't listen to any alternative POV. My sister has a 9 month old baby and cannot find anywhere that will vaccinate her, her husband is also refusing as well.

It's clearer cut I think when the single parent has residency most of the time. For example I have my DD , a teenager now, 6.5 days a week, and so her dad has a say but usually defers to me. With DS, it's actually 50:50.

I have also heard the strain is not covered by the vaccine. Although my GP says it's 60% effective in children, much less so in over 65s. So I guess it should do something, hopefully make it milder if they do catch it.

I'm sorry your twins have it Whenyouseeit. I hope they recover soon.

It is a really unpleasant situation yes. I am really concerned, as are probably a lot of parents at the moment, but I am also aware that he is my child's other parent, mostly a great parent to him if not dictatorial to me, and I want to respect that, but yes I am thinking more and more just to get it and deal with the fallout and arguments from his dad.

I just called my GP and they said they are going to call me back as they might not have any stocks left (!!), chemists all saying on their websites they won't do under 16s. The private GP I got the single vaccines from have the jab version and can do it today or tomorrow, but they don't have the nasal one. Does anyone know if the jab is OK, I thought the nasal one was better or more effective for children??

This morning I left it at me saying that I was going to consent and that if he didn't agree, that he could phone the GP and argue and withdraw his consent. Argh.

Youshallnotpass Wed 10-Jan-18 14:12:39

Ah fuck him, do it anyway. Vaccinations are pretty much 100% safe (barring super rare complications).

You'd be really pissed off / upset with yourself if he got the flu or worse.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 10-Jan-18 14:17:55

What are his reasons for NOT getting the vaccine?

Worldsworstcook Wed 10-Jan-18 14:20:31

Dd has it. She says she feels like she's dying, sore head, terribly painful ears, chest infection, vomiting.

If exdh wants to contract the flu and all the nastiness that goes with it so be it but if you can prevent DS from experiencing what my dd is going through, you should.

DH, DS and I all had vaccine. Dd was doing exam and missed appt. we are all nursing her in health thanks to vaccine while sits and cries in misery and pain!

drspouse Wed 10-Jan-18 14:21:06

What are his reasons for NOT getting the vaccine?
From what she's said, because he's an idiot.

Worldsworstcook Wed 10-Jan-18 14:23:01

And if DS does not get vaccine due to objections from dad, dad should be the one to nurse him through the flu while explaining that the reason he's sick is because he wouldn't let him take the medication to prevent it.,

UnitedKungdom Wed 10-Jan-18 14:24:44

Seeing real people incredibly sick and actually dying is hardly scaremongering. Scaremongering implies no real examples.

My DH caught the flu and I swear to God I've never been more grateful for a vaccine as me (39 wks pregnant), my 4 yr old and 3 yr old had been vaccinated. Only my just gone 2 yr old wasn't and worrying about her was bad enough. I couldn't be sure his strain was covered but it seems it was thankfully. 10 days later and he's still coughing up blood.

BigBaboonBum Wed 10-Jan-18 14:26:21

Ask the GP, they’ll probably do the vaccination there and then if you like

Phosphorus Wed 10-Jan-18 14:26:51

Super drug, who are willing to vaccinate any child over 6 months, are out of the quadrivalent vaccine (the effective one).

Where were you planning to get it? It might be a non issue.

carbuckety Wed 10-Jan-18 14:27:02

The NHS states that the flu vaccine protects against the strains of flu currently doing the rounds. It can't protect 100% but helps. I think you should get DS vaccinated. Your ex is obviously anti vaccine. Many people are. But your child comes first. Flu kills.

CheeseCrackersAndWine Wed 10-Jan-18 14:28:39

I always ticked the 'no' box for my eldest daughter for the flu vaccine at school. For all the same reasons as you.

I now have another daughter who has a rare genetic syndrome and has had flu both winters of her short life (definitely flu as she was hospitalised both times and swabs done). This year both kids have had the vaccine. My 8 year old also for the first time and she had ZERO ill effects from it.

Incidentally I caught the flu from my youngest the first time she had it at 6 months old and it was AWFUL. Like seriously AWFUL. It then went into my chest and took 6 weeks and 4 antibiotic courses for me to be 100% again.

I would give them the vaccine. It may or may not help, but if he catches flu you will always wonder if it could have been avoided.

user1485182339 Wed 10-Jan-18 14:29:26

The jab is fine. Babies from 6m old can have it. If your children have never had any flu vaccines before they may need two courses, but I stand corrected as itsy be different for infants through to preschoolers, than for older children or adults. Privately it's only like £9. Definitely worth it.

Ohyesiam Wed 10-Jan-18 14:31:23

There are thousand and thousands of strains of flu. The flu vaccine contains a few hundred strains.
it's not very likely to contain this recent strain, because viruses work by mutation, ie continually changing, making the vaccine of questionable value.
Each year new strains are added. A close friend of mine who is an epidemiologist tells me that in 20 to 40 years the vaccine will contain enough different strains to make an impact, but till then it is not that effective.

NeversayNever2 Wed 10-Jan-18 14:32:16

you poor thing op sad but i dont understand why its not fair to simply get him done..why its not fair all round.

BattleCuntGalactica Wed 10-Jan-18 14:32:41

I'd vaccinate and tell your husband to shut up. No patience at all for anti vaxxers.

SashaSashays Wed 10-Jan-18 14:33:15

The vaccine isn’t effective immediately though.

I pay to have a flu jab every year (I don’t need it but choose to because I hate having flu) and I’m pro vaccination BUT I wouldn’t be that worked up about having it done now as I’m always told that it will take a few weeks to be effective and that during the interim I’m more vulnerable to infection.

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