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To fancy/flirt with my landlord ?!

(38 Posts)
NancyPiecrust Mon 08-Jan-18 07:11:50

Situation is that I am renting a studio casually off this guy... i will be running my new business from there but it's not through an estate agent, it's more of an informal agreement & can be cancelled with 1 months notice from either party.. no commercial lease etc. This works really well for me as I don't have a lot of startup capital and want to test out my business without a huge commitment to a lease. Although I am putting some £ into renovating it - around £400 on paint & light renovation work.
When I went to look at the studio space, as soon as he walked in I was taken aback at how young and handsome he was as I was expecting him to be some fat old builder ! Ha. What I'm trying to say is I had one of those moments where I felt the impact of meeting him & there was an immediate attraction on my part.
I kind of ignored it and focussed on the renting agreement & professional stuff blah blah and it's only looking back now that I realise I was attracted to him even from the first meeting.
Now a couple of months on, I have been there every week or so overseeing renovations / doing painting myself so we have seen each other quite a lot as he lives opposite & will pretty much every time I am there he will come over and see me and chat to me for a while even when he doesn't need to talk to me about anything. We have had what started out as friendly banter and jokes, talking about our personal lives a tiny bit .. he has met my daughter when she's come to the studio and had a little joke with her.. he has a niece the same age.. and now after 2 months it's kind of become more flirty on both of our sides.. he has been really helpful bringing me tools that he thinks we help me with painting etc which is nice. But also has been professional and business like about things when he's needed to be or when I've had questions about practical landlord-y things.
He also told me that a couple of months ago his wife moved out and that they are now separated and going through a divorce and that they were together for 6 years. I've met his Mum as well as she has her business close by in the same town too & they have all been friendly & they've met my Dad & Mum quite a few times when he's been helping me with DIY stuff to do with the renovations or bringing my daughter to the studio whilst I was painting there and he was there too. All got along well and friendly etc very natural and nice.
But I really don't know that much about him .. he is 40, I am 29.. my ex was 15 years older than me and that didn't work out - my DD's father. He was narcisstic/bipolar unmediated/abusive. So even though I left him 2.5 years ago I am still wary of making wrong choices when it comes to men.
When chatting to my friends about this some of them have said maybe fate has brought this man into my life's and we're a good match in terms of age & where we are in life & we have things in common, get on well etc so why not just let the flirtation continue, let a friendship or more develop naturally.. and some friends have said absolutely not do not go there, you're relying on renting that space from him for your business, he's technically still married, on the rebound, don't mix business and pleasure, not a good idea, very dangerous don't do it, stop flirting or reacting to his flirting and just keep it professional, keep th boundaries etc... but that's hard! Because I do really fancy him & we seem drawn to each other. But in my traumatic experiences of past relationships, when you're drawn to someone it's not always an indicator of healthy love or a good relationship so this and the fact he's not long out of a relationship and I'm renting a studio from him.... makes me very wary. Or.. is it just that life is messy/unpredictable and you should just let it unfold ?
I have spent the last 2.5 years basically ending things with people I've been dating as I realised they weren't long term relationship material or they were on the rebound / unavailable and I could sense/ see that I'd get hurt so I'd just end it before I got feelings or I felt too taken advantage of. Few of them I'm still in contact with as friends though. But maybe I should just stop trying to protect myself and just go with what life brings to me? I live in a rural area so there are really not many men I ever see or meet who I'm attracted to or who are suitable (e.g. Mostly way too young !) and online dating has been depressing / I much prefer to meet someone in real life in a natural way. So..Any advice/opinions on what I should do ?

BangPippleGo Mon 08-Jan-18 08:38:56

If you can afford to lose the money you've invested in decorating and can find another place at the drop of a hat if it all goes wrong (including a deposit for a new place) then go for it, there's no harm.

If you're relying on the place, then keep it friendly but professional.

QuiteLikely5 Mon 08-Jan-18 08:41:52

Go with the flow! You have to take risks in life to grow as a person!

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:34:10

OP here.. (namechanged for other threads for legal matters post)
Interestingly...My Dad was with me today at the studio doing renovations and the dishy landlord came in to get some £ and say hi as he was about as the weekend...he only stayed for like 5 mins. Usually when I'm there on my own he stays and chats for sometimes like half an hour .... haha. But yes thank you for sensible and also optimistic comments. No rush for it to be anything more than friendliness but it's quite good sport nonetheless. Don't like the idea of moving my business at all after putting so much work into it so I think maybe a basic contract would be good if we keep flirting or it goes any further than flirting. Dodgy territory perhaps. We do have something in writing in an email though...doubt that's helpful though if shit hit the fan.

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:34:11

OP here.. (namechanged for other threads for legal matters post)
Interestingly...My Dad was with me today at the studio doing renovations and the dishy landlord came in to get some £ and say hi as he was about as the weekend...he only stayed for like 5 mins. Usually when I'm there on my own he stays and chats for sometimes like half an hour .... haha. But yes thank you for sensible and also optimistic comments. No rush for it to be anything more than friendliness but it's quite good sport nonetheless. Don't like the idea of moving my business at all after putting so much work into it so I think maybe a basic contract would be good if we keep flirting or it goes any further than flirting. Dodgy territory perhaps. We do have something in writing in an email though...doubt that's helpful though if shit hit the fan.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 21:37:47

Look,there’s no technically still married. He’s married.what a sleaze.sniffing round his tenant
Don’t shit where you eat,it’ll end badly

HighwayDragon1 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:39:17

I'd tread very carefully, have you ever heard the phrase don't shit where you eat?

TenancyTroublesAgain Sat 13-Jan-18 21:41:50

Separated lipstick... Not a sleaze. You don't get a divorce overnight. hmm

SparklyMagpie Sat 13-Jan-18 21:44:37

I wouldn't and I think it could end horribly

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:48:02

Haha...yes that phrase Don't Shit Where you Eat...it's odd....Romance or flirting isn't really like shitting...and I get that my business puts food on the table hence eating...(or at least I hope it'll eventually put food on the table)
Can someone explain that saying to me ?? Many people get involved with people they meet at work or whatever...their gym manager or personal trainer..people who aren't complete strangers....sometimes works out? I'm also in a rural community so it's not like there's tons of choice of singletons in the right age range haha..hence why I am even considering....!! Plus the attraction. confused

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 21:48:17

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:51:15

Lipstick...I do get your point..I definitely do. However he hasn't made any moves except we've both flirted or had a bit of banter. The ratio based on number of times we've chatted or messaged is definitely more chatty/friendly/professional. It was mainly the birthday snog joke in a message that was more flirty. He's kept it very professional in person for sure. And he's responding to flirting from me too ...I've had many men "put the moves on" and I can tell you this is VERY mild compared to most !!
So sometimes a divorce can take 12 months or more..... does that mean you cannot show any romantic interest in someone until you officially get the decree nisi or whatever ?

TenancyTroublesAgain Sat 13-Jan-18 21:51:50

Yes, he's separated, aka not in a relationship with someone. If two consenting adults fancy each other what is wrong with them flirting, or more?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 21:53:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:53:43

Lipstick, you seem to have a bit of a problem and your posts are a bit weird, is there a back story? The dudes seperate and made no move on her, clearly not a sleaze.

Op, if you like him just go with thr flow,,,.you never know..

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:55:07

Woaaaah Lipstick unnecessary.... I am well aware of the concept Don't Mix Business with Pleasure...hence why I am even posting this question here and not already jumped into bed with him !!
But you've made your opinion very clear. Thanks !

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 21:58:16

She’s asked for advice,I’m giving it.op isn’t compelled to adhere to what I say
think it’s a bit daft to potentially jeopardise accommodation
And he’s a businessman.supposed to be impartial, objective,not flirty

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 21:59:33

Lipstick it's not my personal accommodation where I live, it's a studio space I am going to be running my business from, I will only be there part time.

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 22:00:39

And he’s a businessman.supposed to be impartial, objective,not flirty

She doesn't work for him for God's sake, she's just renting a property, their both single and if they fancy and like each other, then good for them. Everyone deserves to be happy.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sat 13-Jan-18 22:02:21

Oh I see, Did you only want platitudes & encouragement?
In that case go for it! Seize the moment or you’ll regret it. He could be the one.

Falulah Sat 13-Jan-18 22:05:11

smile Lipstick sounds like you've had one too many gins on an AIBU binge and not enough 'banging', yourself.... confused

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 22:05:21

You sound really bitter, lipstick. I think we all have to guess there is something driving you to Post like this.

NoWordForFluffy Sat 13-Jan-18 22:08:13

I agree with Bluntness. Go for it; see what happens! Everyone meets their partner somehow. Why not like this?

Mxyzptlk Sat 13-Jan-18 22:10:21

If he's a genuinely friendly guy, not a sleaze, he'd have chatted to your Dad too.

MumsKnitter Sat 13-Jan-18 22:10:54

My divorce took three years. I think it's quite ridiculous to suggest that someone who is separated is automatically a sleaze if ready for a new relationship.

I'd get a proper contract, then go for it if I were you, and take it slowly. Living rurally does cut down your options, and as you do find him very attractive, it seems a shame not to try and see if you'd work out.

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